Intimacy: Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he...

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 314

You deserved it 4 277

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 130

You deserved it 41 950

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 2 541

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 073

You deserved it 10 624

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 507

You deserved it 3 602

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 759

You deserved it 4 752

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 926

You deserved it 30 124

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 541

You deserved it 4 565

By btswc - 21/05/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 9 700

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 276

You deserved it 4 519

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 17 099

RouletteRed 6

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

He's builing up those arms! =D

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 2 September 2011 18:51

Wait for him to demonstrate the interpretive dance masturbation.

Comments

thewife5 19

Sunday 4 September 2011 16:57

As a nurse you're not suppose to relate what patients say to you.. How rude.

MRS_Kern 0

Monday 5 September 2011 5:08

i feel for you, i work in a nursing home & deal with the most disgusting & perverted things at times.

emoflopkitteh 0

Wednesday 7 September 2011 9:08

Well, what are his techniques?

chase_morris 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:15

You asked

nabila21 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 13:39

Take notes bro.

fireman336 11

Friday 26 April 2013 12:00

Im a EMT and we had a guy who took viagra then when his wife wouldnt "carve his wood" he called us to make it go down so he could go to sleep.

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I agree, your life sucks 40 436

You deserved it 9 394

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I agree, your life sucks 26 550

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You deserved it 84 663