Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She... - FML

By weirdlaugh - 10/5/2015 22:08 - United States

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

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Dangling modifier

Messed up

Grow up

By fallen - 15/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

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By Paul Williams - 24/6/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

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By toeloezz - 26/9/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

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By couldntholdit - 12/7/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

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By Amy - 1/4/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

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By guaranteed service - 7/9/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML

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By screamo - 2/5/2009 20:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2012 23:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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By jennavankirk - 22/7/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

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By ShowerStar - 15/8/2012 21:14 - United States - Mequon

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

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By Juancames3 - 23/5/2018 01:30

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

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By deven - 29/8/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2012 13:15 - United States

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

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By NotAmericanIdol - 23/4/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 05:06 - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2014 17:24 - United States - Newtown

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

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By donotbelieveinsecondchances - 2/3/2015 14:04 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2012 16:28 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

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By loser4life - 30/7/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

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By college student - 23/4/2017 10:00 - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

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By FML - 10/9/2017 16:00

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

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By sunny_funny - 23/3/2017 19:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

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By unfortunatelyunlucky - 12/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2016 01:43 - Canada - Moncton

Today, I discovered that the pain I've had for the past couple of weeks was actually due to a broken collar bone. Now work won't pay for the treatment I need because I continued to work despite the pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 01:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By Jason - 14/2/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

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By exalia - 7/5/2012 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

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By Username - 20/6/2011 15:57 - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By Forever Alone x2 - 7/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

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By :/ - 12/3/2016 11:36 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

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Top comments

By rnarshmallow | 21

#6287984 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:48

Plot Twist: She was SO excited that she thought you said dinner. Now she's writing an FML about how her daughter invited her out for dinner and never showed up.

By Secret_Ninjaa | 35

#6287985 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:48

Maybe she got confused with the day or time? Talk to her about it and maybe celebrate it on a different day...? I'm sorry OP. :/

COMMENTS

By meisan | 12

#6287980 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:44

On her birthday throw her a party and have no one show up. Sorry though, op! All that planning gone to waste.

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6287995 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:15

Fighting fire with fire only makes a bigger fire.

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6288009 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:47

Good idea! Op light your mother on fire! (I take no responibility for damages caused by this advice)

By kabza | 12

#6287982 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:47

maybe she got caught up somehow. atleast you tried

Reply

SlimDanny | 15

#6288071 - Monday 11 May 2015 15:35

I feel like OP's mother would have let her know something had come up and not just stand OP up like that.

By rnarshmallow | 21

#6287984 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:48

Plot Twist: She was SO excited that she thought you said dinner. Now she's writing an FML about how her daughter invited her out for dinner and never showed up.

By Secret_Ninjaa | 35

#6287985 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:48

Maybe she got confused with the day or time? Talk to her about it and maybe celebrate it on a different day...? I'm sorry OP. :/

Reply

CoGhostRider | 31

#6288001 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:27

Wait yesterday was Mother's Day?! Fml

By Khepre | 22

#6287986 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:49

FYL for having a mother that doesn't appreciate your efforts.

Reply

Isandri | 29

#6287989 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:54

Or just was occupied with her work, or sth important came up. Don't be so judgemental ;)

Reply

Khepre | 22

#6287990 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:58

I wasn't being judgemental. Sorry if it came across like that. :/

By Captain_Debilos_fml | 13

#6287987 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:51

maybe she has prefered to go with one of your brothers or sisters, without telling you because she loves you less than the others

By abNormal62 | 23

#6287991 - Monday 11 May 2015 11:58

Parenting lesson learned...
Do as I say
Not as I do

By majesticous | 29

#6287992 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:04

I feel bad for you! Hope she'll make it up to you.

By xxlittlemsanime | 24

#6287993 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:05

She must've been so stressed or confused. I wouldn't think yours, or anyone else's mother would turn down a chance to see their child.

Reply

mikbrooke | 25

#6288161 - Monday 11 May 2015 17:28

i'd love to have a mother who wouldnt turn down a chance to see her children.

Reply

Scryll | 17

#6288271 - Monday 11 May 2015 19:40

I'm sorry #32...

By Jennandco | 25

#6287994 - Monday 11 May 2015 12:12

Did you at least try calling to see what was up?