Love: Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for...

By smurfisurfer1 - 12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 4 910

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

By nonexistant - 02/10/2009 19:32 - Canada

Today, while I was at a business supply store, I decided to get my old paper birth certificate laminated so it wouldn't deteriorate further. The people working decided to wait until after it was done and I had paid to tell me that laminating a birth certificate voids it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 9 037

By santa_maria - 25/08/2011 21:45 - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 190

You deserved it 106 582

By XmasGrinch - 24/12/2016 13:49

Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 207

You deserved it 581

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 589

You deserved it 4 175

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 272

You deserved it 79 572

By Shan.nel - 20/11/2017 19:30 - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 1 280

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 813

You deserved it 18 246

By Raela - 04/01/2013 16:59 - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 694

You deserved it 7 569

By getoffthephone - 30/03/2015 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 694

You deserved it 26 166

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 055

You deserved it 33 197

By zzdug - 08/02/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 023

You deserved it 5 865

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 7 760

By fmldailyyy - 18/09/2010 23:13 - Ireland

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 934

You deserved it 3 060

The client is always right

By Falcka - 12/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 61

That backfired

By Alexander D. - 14/07/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 37 077

By Dino - 21/10/2018 14:00

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 756

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 252

You deserved it 3 232

By no cake for me - 07/11/2012 07:31 - United States - Jackson Heights

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 25 870

By Satan's Mum - 06/05/2014 18:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 9 090

By Big Mouth - 13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 216

You deserved it 1 197

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:03 - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 219

You deserved it 8 138

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 129

By birthdayfun - 23/03/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 197

You deserved it 8 174

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 845

You deserved it 3 253

By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 3 675

Through the wall

By Jeynna - 08/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bumped into my next door neighbor. She said, "Not for nothing, but I heard you fighting with your boyfriend last night, you're pretty harsh on him." I don't have a boyfriend, I was just drunk and castigating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 732

By brokeandcardless - 13/01/2016 12:15 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my card got declined at Subway, so I walked to the nearest cashpoint thirty minutes away to frantically figure out how much cash I had in my card. As I went to pull my card out of my purse, it slipped from my grip and fell into the sewer. The guy behind me snorted with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 790

You deserved it 2 590

By eaglesmile - 03/04/2015 04:37 - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 277

You deserved it 8 615

By peevedemployee - 25/12/2013 06:38 - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 062

You deserved it 9 258

Better off out

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 02:02

Today, I was fired because I spoke up about a supervisor mistreating me. The assistant VP spent the meeting demeaning me to “teach me a lesson” and then said she was firing me because I “stirred the pot." Man, I really loved that job but I won’t miss the toxic work culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 65

By iwantmoney - 22/07/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 195

You deserved it 5 108

By almost_a_pro - 23/04/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 039

You deserved it 9 033

By convict possibly - 26/05/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 346

You deserved it 2 050

By Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! - 23/10/2012 22:47 - United States - Imperial Beach

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 078

You deserved it 29 457

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 750

You deserved it 6 026

Guitar Porn

By massachusettsan - 25/06/2014 00:07 - United States - Monomoy Island

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 500

You deserved it 8 881

By OrlandoZ6 - 25/05/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 474

You deserved it 10 636

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 993

You deserved it 2 804

By SpongeAbii2 - 24/01/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 717

You deserved it 2 950

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Top comments

baseballplaya5 7

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:54

Studying the regions of each other?

duckie227 22

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:55

You kept him up past his bed time and made mommy mad. Bad girlfriend...

baseballplaya5 7

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:54

Studying the regions of each other?

ColdplaySucks 18

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:00

Good grades will come with their praise Hey it rhymes... Sorta

geon_olam 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:00

reproductive biology

DynamicDave 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:03

They were studying anatomy. Clearly they're hands-on learners.

morgan320 0

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:22

Yes it rhymes, 6. Its one of those "fake rhymes" as its called. Like 'Call' and 'Hall' are "Perfect rhymes" since they both have the same ending sound when you pronounce them. Hey, I own a book called "How to rap", don't blame me!

theten_fml 9

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:36

19..... Shhhhh

Mindvirus 2

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Monday 12 December 2011 17:30

Giggity

enonymous 8

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Monday 12 December 2011 18:45

Doesn't matter what age you are or he is. He's living with his mom so it's her house her rules.

Doribella98 14

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 0:38

Were you giving demonstrations for the reproductive biology studying?

detective_oreo 0

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 2:30

Laying down his momma's rules

DalekScythe 0

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 5:10

I'm guessing you have a Sex Ed test coming up.

kcircuses 1

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 10:16

maybe it's time to grow up and get his own place instead of living with his parents

raney150 0

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:58

126, if they are in college they may not have the money to be able to do that

ElricMustang 23

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Friday 9 March 2012 6:56

Hmmm, laying down more than just momma's rules.

DocBastard 38

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:55

The fact that you were studying fellatio techniques didn't escape his mother, it appears.

FYLDeep 25

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:36

Hey, that's valuable knowledge Doc.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Monday 12 December 2011 19:00

The name of the state says everything. Next time you really should do something...

kkmwong 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 23:14

What's in the patient this time?

baconstrips 12

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Monday 12 December 2011 23:51

Looks like a condom :O

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 0:02

There's nothing in him. He was wearing a cock ring. He mentions it on his blog.

duckie227 22

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:55

You kept him up past his bed time and made mommy mad. Bad girlfriend...

jeob1992 8

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Monday 12 December 2011 18:25

SHES A BAD BAD GIRLFRIEND

MoodyBlue320 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 18:26

She's two years older than her boyfriend just like me =D

FreakoHolm 6

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Monday 12 December 2011 23:11

50- k nice

drlove78843 6

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 0:20

Duckie - my work is at white lake

Jennie7 2

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 3:51

Brazzers

TonyIsMyDog 2

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 6:31

That's funny - you've got 69 thumbs up. Get it? Sex! Yeah!! Bow chicky bow wowww

duckie227 22

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 6:32

89 - where at?

Sniper3000 0

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:57

Time to move out

theten_fml 9

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:38

Time to stop preying on younger guys!!! Haha jk

NOTquiteRAMBO 10

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Monday 12 December 2011 23:07

Time to stop posting ignorant comments.

crackz12 10

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 2:58

If you came to the conclusion that OP has to move out i think you better reread this fml

desireev 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:00

At that age, y'all should be investing in a house or apartment or something. But mom sounds like a bitch. FYL

iamyourgod 3

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Monday 12 December 2011 19:03

Ya because students are well known for having money to throw down on stuff like houses.

LiveLaughFML 10

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 4:42

in this day and economy, a twenty two year old moving out of their parents house is more and more unlikely.

kaykaymonster 0

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Thursday 15 December 2011 1:22

Most college kids live with there parents till they are 22 or 23. Not all people have rich parents, or a career in exotic dancing.

old09 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:00

Maybe you have a bad rep? Or she's just overbearing/protective Regardless Tsk tsk tsk, you know better, his curfew is 8

mpclaw 3

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:02

Mommies a control freak bitch. You better realize that if you continue to hook up and beyond with this guy!

WCARlover 34

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:02

Well he lives with his parents so that's kinda the price you have to pay...makes me wonder how you "got in trouble"

alycion 38

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 0:33

Agreed. Her house, her rules. Maybe she had to be up early and just doesn't want company that late. If he doesn't like it, time to move out

Redbirdmike 0

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:02

Studying eachothers anatomy

happykesh 3

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Monday 12 December 2011 16:07

Time for you two to either get commited and move into your own house with eachother or break up. Actually it depends on how long youve been together, so scratch that. But really.