Love and Holidays: Sobering. - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 14

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 112

Sobering.

By Bambusmaster - 13/09/2018 18:50

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 210

Leave us alone

Forever the bridesmaid

Wise kid

02/11/2010 13:44

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 827

You deserved it 37 328

26/09/2010 23:58

Spicy

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 4 149

17/11/2012 09:15

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 069

You deserved it 3 496

19/01/2010 11:51

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 066

You deserved it 39 493

28/08/2011 21:25

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 111

You deserved it 9 878

14/06/2009 21:37

Spicy

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 25 158

28/12/2018 16:00

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 257

21/01/2009 23:15

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 895

You deserved it 38 626

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 173

06/08/2009 11:11

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 787

You deserved it 22 935

12/05/2013 04:35

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 154

You deserved it 7 534

01/10/2012 18:24

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 801

You deserved it 4 484

28/08/2012 15:56

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 513

You deserved it 2 586

18/09/2012 14:04

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 850

You deserved it 4 079

01/05/2013 04:44

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 037

You deserved it 12 159

10/10/2011 07:16

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 006

You deserved it 3 536

04/02/2013 17:17

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 218

You deserved it 3 871

05/04/2013 16:26

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 3 008

17/07/2012 21:11

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 012

You deserved it 3 802

04/10/2010 02:06

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 961

You deserved it 28 040

24/04/2009 20:21

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 579

You deserved it 77 708

25/03/2009 05:06

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 917

You deserved it 4 948

15/10/2015 20:34

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 496

You deserved it 1 857

27/06/2012 05:05

Spicy

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 3 586

09/12/2015 23:42

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 563

You deserved it 1 635

09/09/2009 04:22

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 647

You deserved it 5 769

07/05/2009 14:50

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 197

You deserved it 13 651

18/12/2018 13:00

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 373

05/10/2014 18:44

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 5 430

06/10/2010 23:18

Spicy

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 627

You deserved it 38 345

27/07/2010 22:15

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 699

You deserved it 30 283

It's not called a pandemic for nothing

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59

Today, I found out that no matter how careful you are during this pandemic, wearing a mask, washing hands, and social distancing, you can still get COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 217

That's one way to start the weekend

By Monkey - 17/09/2021 16:17

Spicy

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 218

You deserved it 3 060

'Murica

By Maryann - 08/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 273

You deserved it 623

30/09/2011 11:10

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 168

You deserved it 2 546

26/10/2012 09:40

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 2 603

10/02/2016 09:09

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 306

You deserved it 3 729

28/04/2019 16:00

Today I went on a date with my long time crush only to find out that we are distant cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 432

You deserved it 205

04/02/2015 03:39

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 2 810

10/08/2012 04:40

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 3 462

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interesting33 36

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Friday 10 August 2018 18:05

over text? that is so not ok. and whilst you are on holiday?

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Thursday 13 September 2018 19:22

She sounds like a bitch thotinator. It stings now OP, but at least she showed her true colors before you gave anymore time and affection to her. Now just get even more drunk with your TRUE friends, and enjoy your vacation time! ☼ Stay be safe though and don't drive!

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interesting33 36

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Friday 10 August 2018 18:05

over text? that is so not ok. and whilst you are on holiday?

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Thursday 13 September 2018 19:22

She sounds like a bitch thotinator. It stings now OP, but at least she showed her true colors before you gave anymore time and affection to her. Now just get even more drunk with your TRUE friends, and enjoy your vacation time! ☼ Stay be safe though and don't drive!

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Thursday 13 September 2018 20:01

That's harsh to do that on vacation. On the other hand do you have a habbit of drunk texting calling ect? Definetly feels like there is more to it like anything that may have led up to it.

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Thursday 13 September 2018 20:09

Joke's on her though, right? Hoepfully you're not going to stay friends with her after this.

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Thursday 13 September 2018 20:15

Now you have free reign to flirt

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Thursday 13 September 2018 21:06

At least now you have more time to finish that project your manager gave you.

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Friday 14 September 2018 5:41

Dump her as a friend. Two can play that game.

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Friday 14 September 2018 14:44

I would bet that she fell for someone else, and decided to use this safe occasion, when OP is far away, to break up. She may even have been cheating on him for a while, it's quite possible. She was just with OP until someone better came along. Because if she really was a friend, she wouldn't have done it like this.

FloridaGirl03 5

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Thursday 27 September 2018 7:52

It's because of shit like this that I hate my gender. What cunt leads a poor guy on for a year? I'm sorry bro