Kids: Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball....

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 870

You deserved it 7 851

Kids

Taking stock

Another great day to be alive

Privacy

Shush

By Nutty - 24/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 12 490

By mybossisanass - 23/04/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 004

You deserved it 4 679

Protip

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 18:03

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 91

By KWM - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 110

You deserved it 38 987

By Sam - 01/04/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 3 664

Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 12:01 - United States - Longmont

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 17:27 - Austria - Vienna

Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 221

You deserved it 1 669

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 14:06

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 707

You deserved it 1 599

By gera3gera - 07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 738

You deserved it 4 090

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 363

You deserved it 14 382

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 2 764

By Miss Spasticator - 26/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 4 167

By upupandaway - 30/01/2012 23:51 - United States

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 393

You deserved it 9 946

By RatherOCDthanNasty - 15/02/2017 04:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 532

You deserved it 455

Official meeting

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 18:33

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 192

Early program

By virgin - 25/11/2018 20:00

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 85

By fluent in two, unlike you - 25/03/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 3 806

By guess28 - 14/07/2009 18:19 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 632

You deserved it 20 765

By Just_do_it_17 - 09/05/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 8 050

By cookyourowndamndinner - 17/04/2017 06:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 993

You deserved it 449

Poor good boy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 5 171

By Anonanon - 12/07/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 13 743

By sydneyp3435 - 11/06/2013 04:39 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 575

You deserved it 5 653

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 979

You deserved it 12 657

By AyDiosMio42 - 08/09/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 70 422

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 22:08 - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 348

You deserved it 9 039

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 19:02 - Chile

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 513

You deserved it 2 468

By not a brain cell in sight - 16/06/2013 20:20 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 214

You deserved it 4 273

By NewTenant - 20/06/2011 07:37 - United States

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 191

You deserved it 39 920

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 19:23 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 819

You deserved it 3 406

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 515

Laundry Day

By daqueen009 - 18/12/2020 17:04 - United States

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 448

By still had to pay - 23/12/2012 21:36 - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 471

You deserved it 6 244

By Vinny1017 - 07/10/2010 14:26 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 355

You deserved it 4 821

By max - 03/01/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 047

You deserved it 30 343

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 126

You deserved it 5 207

By Hard in flip flops - 21/01/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 4 607

By chinousmc - 06/12/2012 11:30 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 786

You deserved it 3 395

By Shelly P. - 29/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 448

You deserved it 3 515

Double crossed

By ??? - 19/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 146

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Top comments

renjay 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:58

smack the dam kid

cmac86 23

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Friday 14 January 2011 9:02

sounds like there's either some parenting or anger management issues. and now an insect issue, because you, quite literally, have ants in your pants.

TheAnnihilat0rz 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:56

first

aliadnan708 6

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:58

so?

DaveOnDope 4

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Friday 14 January 2011 9:03

Wow! you're so cool! I'm really impressed!

renjay 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:58

smack the dam kid

caroliquey 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 10:52

you raised a devil

beeship321 5

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Friday 14 January 2011 13:17

Smacking isn't the answer! Try snakes in his bed.

andyp010 10

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Friday 14 January 2011 14:53

I think one 'snake' in his bed is enough

Sopa2010 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 5:56

Basketball or ant farm? anyone else remember that from pursuit of happiness?

jeslynh 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 17:34

OMG ANTS D: that's sucks

woopa18 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:58

haha that's awesome !

JCHammer 5

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Friday 14 January 2011 21:56

that's why where I'm from we don't let women drive

Suavis 4

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Saturday 15 January 2011 8:57

so they don't run over basket balls? and how do you know it's a woman?

krazygirl100 9

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Thursday 7 July 2011 11:56

because it says woman

Tha_Jocka44 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 8:59

I would be the fuck out of my kid for that crap

ppriscilla 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 9:14

woahh scary

nikkibeez 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 10:03

I see nothing wrong with spanking children. if you don't instill some type of fear in them they become disrespectful and won't listen. beating the shit out of them however.. not so sure.

Donkeydick360 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 10:33

violent parents lead to violent children and violent children grow up to be serial killers, OP YDI and hooray for long island!

waswashere 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 12:54

by your logic, the parents are also serial killers. good try though

akd1v 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 15:11

scuze me you would BE the fuck outta your kid? please explain

Zhu8 5

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Saturday 15 January 2011 8:09

If only my parents knew the difference between a light spanking and beating the living shit out of me.

kokopuff1001_fml 0

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Sunday 16 January 2011 5:21

I'm glad that I'm not your child

grandpaearthling 2

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Friday 14 January 2011 9:01

you totally deserve it for not putting the fear if daddy in the little punk. maybe if his mommy didn't wear the pants in the family.

mylyfzeffedup 0

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Friday 14 January 2011 9:07

that's what I said. he deserves it for raising his kid to think it's ok to retaliate when something happens that he doesn't like. he's probably bad as hell.