Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made...

By shadowsonicstar - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

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Health

Walk on the wild side

Caught red-handed

Understanding

By Anonymous

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

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By John - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

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By experience_to_get_experience - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

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By dogless - United States

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

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By deserved - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

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By tech_support - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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By blind eyes

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

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By stalkered - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

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By weddingbells - United States

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

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By Badkitty14 - Canada - Mississauga

Issues

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

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By deadman - United Kingdom - Market Harborough

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

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By bringthemback - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

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By fmlsomuch - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

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By jen - United States

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

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By APoorGuy - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

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By fluent in two, unlike you - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 17:02

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

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By newbornphotog - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

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Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

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By jkmartinjk - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

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By feistychick - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

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By introublenow - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

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By WTF - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

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By Anonymous

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

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By lonesomegal - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

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By blondetergent - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

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By Oops - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

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By LordCrafte - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

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By Ellen - Norway

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

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By Boarder - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

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Top comments

By macskapingvin | 0

#1965574 - Friday 14 January 2011 11:13

They looked easy because the people using them weren't horribly unfit like yourself.

By grandpaearthling | 2

#1965357 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:43

have trouble squatting with balls? next time try balancing a pair of balls on your chin.

COMMENTS

By schwiggidy | 0

#1965137 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:03

trololololol

By fmlbrooo | 0

#1965139 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:03

caroliquey | 0

#1965565 - Friday 14 January 2011 11:04

^ nice comment

ps op, nice physical condition

fmlbrooo | 0

#1970068 - Saturday 15 January 2011 15:31

I just wanted to be first, but didn't have anything to say :) ha.

PuppiesFTW | 5

#1971792 - Sunday 16 January 2011 1:40

Ozzy osbourne biting off a bat's head while shitting and pissing directly downward into your mouth while several onlookers masturbate......

By clarkey | 0

#1965150 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:03

Fag!

By FMLephant | 2

#1965176 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:07

OP isn't used to "medicine" balls and squatting .

DU0 | 0

#1965206 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:12

Is that what they call it these days?
Damn hipsters and their lingo!

By DaveOnDope | 4

#1965182 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:07

So exercise more and that won't happen. try carrying a couple of 100 pound sacks around. just get a hundred pound length of chain and wear it as a necklace on the weekends.

Donkeydick360 | 0

#1965536 - Friday 14 January 2011 10:37

haha 100lb sack

therealsuperman | 0

#1965547 - Friday 14 January 2011 10:51

yeeeeah....that's why my legs are so buff....

comepoopwithme | 0

#1966186 - Friday 14 January 2011 14:55

#19 your picture shows a lack of character

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1966377 - Friday 14 January 2011 15:50

Ha, OP is probably a fatass, so she's used to carrying around at least 200 pounds of weight

Donkeydick360 | 0

#1966590 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:40

coming from a person named "come poop with me" with no picture at all that doesn't hurt my feelings too much

By xStarKillerx | 4

#1965194 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:10

So she couldn't take a pair of balls.

fml98kevin | 4

#1966278 - Friday 14 January 2011 15:18



meowmeowwkitty | 0

#2065675 - Thursday 10 February 2011 6:37

just one.

By chelle_starlight | 0

#1965198 - Friday 14 January 2011 9:11

the true fml here is that while you were passing out, the medicine ball actually fell on your groin and some punk ass kid filmed it on a flip camera and posted it on YouTube...