Work: Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security...

By replik - 25/01/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 127

You deserved it 2 146

Work

Compromises

Triage

Things can only get better

By now afraid... - 03/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 454

You deserved it 2 190

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 926

You deserved it 5 076

By whenlifeisalemon - 09/01/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 418

You deserved it 3 472

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 576

You deserved it 2 889

By fuck_thisshit - 09/11/2009 10:27 - Australia

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 287

You deserved it 53 715

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 273

You deserved it 4 016

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 76

By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 122

You deserved it 6 254

By sandysmith - 18/02/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 582

You deserved it 33 963

By lalibear - 03/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 198

You deserved it 7 254

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 23 574

By LL - 04/02/2016 14:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 014

You deserved it 2 971

By KN - 25/06/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 819

You deserved it 12 506

By Everest - 22/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got several thumbtacks jabbed into me. Why? Because my cousin thought it would be a funny prank to superglue a bunch of thumbtacks to his nerf darts. My left forearm is still bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 170

By gtfb1993 - 02/12/2011 22:21 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 669

You deserved it 42 371

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 812

You deserved it 2 461

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:46 - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 3 816

By What a happy day - 14/01/2013 17:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 479

You deserved it 3 766

Dirty talk

By Noname - 02/01/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 482

You deserved it 38 401

Just pish yerself

By Casey - 14/10/2010 18:20 - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 877

You deserved it 4 884

Need a bib?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 05:06 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 728

You deserved it 11 373

By crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 228

You deserved it 12 036

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 439

You deserved it 19 349

By Shortcake - 05/07/2012 01:48 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 103

You deserved it 2 010

Rules are rules

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 135

By random - 08/06/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 759

You deserved it 16 807

By lumacsp - 08/10/2009 12:22 - United States

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 264

You deserved it 52 295

By LunaCrow - 10/02/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 3 112

By Anonymous - 29/05/2018 15:00

Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 692

You deserved it 215

By Ashleigh - 02/03/2012 22:53 - Australia

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 896

You deserved it 32 961

Family sticks together

By R we Hillbilliez? - 01/04/2021 00:30

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 00:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 394

You deserved it 2 960

Collateral damage

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 05:01

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 281

By flustered - 06/05/2012 14:57 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 4 745

By IamAflyingCat - 22/10/2013 09:12 - United States

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 554

You deserved it 5 336

By StungAlot - 12/06/2019 06:18

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 216

By StinkFoot - 28/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 780

You deserved it 355

By the hated - 09/07/2013 02:02 - United States - Absecon

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 832

You deserved it 5 434

Safe working conditions

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 06:01

Today, at work, yet another inappropriately stacked pallet fell on me. I thought for sure that I just hit a nerve. Nope, I fractured my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 55

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Top comments

khaya 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:52

Of all the shit that could have happened.

IrishJesus 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:55

"Release the GAS!"

coltsboy07 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:49

First

bluebell707 13

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:51

Lol I suck at this commenting thing.

tparis12345 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:51

Shitty situation

Internut 6

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:56

Shitty comments.

GoW_Chick 14

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:41

2 You said "I suck," and I can't help but wonder if you were talking about your comment, or something else entirely.

tparis12345 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:24

Fuck you internut

Michael_92 20

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:26

I was gonna say I bet the dog left the comment but then it hit me like a bus hits a child...the dog would leave a better comment ha

kooochris1995 14

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:32

Yes you do #2

instnt1nfction 17

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 22:43

The moderators edited #2's comment.

ladyLALAA 28

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Thursday 26 January 2012 6:20

Haha, does anyone know what the comment was before?

instnt1nfction 17

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Thursday 26 January 2012 17:47

Before it was just "lol"

skibutter 1

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Thursday 6 September 2012 1:02

lol comment moderaters FTW

rocker_chick105 31

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:51

They want you OP, but dont do it! DONT GO THERE OP!

Cryathalon 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:15

thats what happens when you hire ex nazi's for security... Huk huk huk

khaya 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:52

Of all the shit that could have happened.

pinkcrayola 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:56

Yeah, that must really stink, OP.

tparis123456 3

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:33

Sounds like a shitty situation

tparis1234567 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:41

Why do my comments keep disappearing. All I said was it done be a shitty situation

thatonewhitegirl 0

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Thursday 26 January 2012 0:28

cheng is dat u *squints* (community show reference)

MissFits_fml 6

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Sunday 29 January 2012 8:07

Hot damn! I love your profile pic, khaya.

IrishJesus 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:55

"Release the GAS!"

GoW_Chick 14

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:02

I looked at your pic, and then read your comment, my sides hurt from laughing. XD

LaughinStock 16

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:18

IT'S NOVA 6 RUN OP!!!! (that's all I got out of COD) :D

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:49

I heard about Mercury being in fish but now since nova 6 is in cod... we have a problem.

flockz 19

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 21:53

release the gas+cod= RELEASE THE CRACKEN?

I_EAT_KITTENS_FO 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:56

In soviet russia...

derpster 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:57

the bathroom smells you.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:56

That's what you get for going to Taco Bell.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:04

And as I said yesterday, four meals a day there is not an order from the Politboro. Stick with vodka.

Pentium_4 26

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 22:06

but it's so tasty....it's worth having volcano bowels for how delicous their whole menu is...

BrickWalls 2

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Thursday 26 January 2012 3:29

Perdix you're the best.

Squeaky_Tomato 14

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Thursday 26 January 2012 9:35

Taco Bell for when any other constipation medicine fails.

trollfaced 2

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:56

Did you barf all over the security guards?

doorick 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 19:42

you just made yourself look like as ass. re-read the fml.

808Boyo 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:19

And now you look like AN ass.

Michael_92 20

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 20:28

They were doors......

123josie123 11

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:57

Aww fyl OP that's kind of what it's like in my house when my brother takes a crap :/

linkinpark98 23

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 18:57

Person in the stall: "I shouldn't have eaten Mexican last night!"

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 28

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 187

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 258

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