Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
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Top comments
elisabeth1_fml 0
Anyone who says they haven't taken a call whilst on the loo is full of shit. Lmfao. Or maybe its just me
ChantelRenaeee 0
Hahah oh well. If he's your boyfriend he should understand you need to use the bathroom.
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Comments (146)
DocBastard 40
I completely agree that your life is ****** because you 1) decided to take a shit while on the phone and 2) couldn't even remember to mute the damned thing. That tells me that you're a idiot. I hope your boyfriend dumped your stupid ass for your disgusting show of scatological failure.
Zomg_Okay 27
an* idiot. Oh, the irony. :D
Bajee 10
Dumped?? Really?? She took a shit not had sex with another man on the phone!!!
The_Troller 14
Some people just don't understand sarcasm...
DocBastard 40
Oh, the typo* and the lack* of proofreading* Sorry, I make mistakes just like everyone.
LaDeFreakinDa 4
she's CLEARLY the one doing the dumping.
LaDeFreakinDa 4
Also, these people obviously do not appreciate your usage of the word scatological
krismir29 0
If you are a doctor you could Very easily get your ass fired for posting a picture of a patieny
LaDeFreakinDa 4
^ Stupid and unrelated comment is stupid and.... unrelated.
HomelessMuslim 0
What are you talking about?? Women don't poop, they're always in the kitchen!!!
Savra_fml 17
So you remain single because you don't have a kitchen, right? Keep it up!
pepelittle9 0
=,= that is the MOST SEXUST COMMENT I HAVE EVER READ
grace14 0
Thats the most sexist thing. **** you. I think most women will agree that you should shut the **** up and maybe you should be in the kitchen you ******* ****. :)
raphdragon02 8
Girls' farts smell even worse than guys'.
FREEDOM_from_fml 2
Girls poop?? ...ew gross.
grace14 0
Everybody poops dumbass!!!!!! :)
perdix 31
I'm wondering exactly what turned him off, was it the plopping, the farting or the orgasmic sounds of ******** he could never elicit from you?
Sienna420 4
Yum
RedPillSucks 33
Poop on the phone poop on the phone looking like a fool with your poop on the phone.
atlanta_lex 0
You deserved it. Taking a shit, no matter how big, can be either silent/easy or loud/violent...you obviously KNEW it was going to be of the noisy variety and still forgot to mute the phone.... You must've been really enGROSSed in yalls conversation to forget like that!! :) *cue thumbs down
leadman1989 16
Thumbs down sequence initiated. Stabilizers up, count down 3... 2.... 1 Mission accomplished.
deathbreadstick 10
I guess I'm too close to my boyfriend. Using the bathroom while on the phone isn't a big deal for us... Or even in person.
RedPillSucks 33
Did he suddenly go silent because he realized he was being dumped on the phone, or because he was confused by the sounds he was hearing because "obviously, girls don't poop or fart". Clearly you were in the bathroom with some other guy.
HomeAl0ne 20
Or he went quiet because he was turned on and concentrating on fapping.