Health: Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids...

By alostr1 - 06/02/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470

You deserved it 2 482

Health

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

Right place, wrong person

By haunted - 24/11/2011 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 544

You deserved it 4 807

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 2 131

By MahSquito - 06/02/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 453

You deserved it 6 358

By Claustrophobic - 04/04/2013 07:12 - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 2 411

By robthebuilder - 26/10/2010 06:35 - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 731

You deserved it 2 455

By snoozerlooser - 25/12/2010 00:00 - Canada

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 346

You deserved it 7 750

By Can you say "bandwagon"? - 03/10/2012 21:33 - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 347

You deserved it 4 679

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 8 679

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 21:12 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 514

You deserved it 2 389

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 805

You deserved it 2 335

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 792

You deserved it 5 472

By anonymous - 14/09/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 4 491

By rhya4n - 15/05/2012 19:27 - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 960

You deserved it 3 355

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 896

You deserved it 5 520

By gnofin - 22/03/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 465

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 35 614

By nomegusta - 05/01/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 272

You deserved it 28 003

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 439

You deserved it 19 349

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 838

By bent & broken - 24/08/2018 16:30 - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 004

You deserved it 13 482

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 897

You deserved it 5 165

By baconlady - 31/08/2012 07:06 - United States

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 696

You deserved it 9 197

By DeathPopStar666 - 19/08/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 110

Young at heart

By nothreat33 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister that read, "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505

You deserved it 3 835

By startingover - 18/07/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 266

You deserved it 3 582

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 179

By Just me - 09/09/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 571

You deserved it 4 445

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 02:51 - United States - Landenberg

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 071

You deserved it 22 826

Planned Parenthood

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 22:01 - United States

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 121

Dad, no, enough!

By Tooyoungforthis - 04/01/2013 00:34 - United States - Arvada

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 360

You deserved it 2 288

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 735

You deserved it 3 847

By Mushman - 16/03/2019 12:00

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 389

By Anonymous - 04/01/2009 15:18 - France

Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 328

You deserved it 7 291

By "BunnysKitty" - 10/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 728

You deserved it 339

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 856

By LizzyJones - 20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 119

You deserved it 8 971

By Anonymous - 06/07/2012 02:13 - United States

Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 2 705

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 266

You deserved it 425

By blondessdoll - 04/05/2016 17:30 - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 736

You deserved it 1 093

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Top comments

ComoEsJuan 24

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:16

I would have puked all over the kid, involuntarily of course. I've got a weak stomach when it comes to puke...

fantasyworld 37

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:17

It's annoying how some parents don't control their kids when they are running around, screaming.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:16

I would have puked all over the kid, involuntarily of course. I've got a weak stomach when it comes to puke...

Eliseopwns 22

Saturday 7 February 2015 0:17

Ruthless.

fantasyworld 37

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:17

It's annoying how some parents don't control their kids when they are running around, screaming.

Welshite 39

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:23

That's exactly why I will take my children to obedience class when they are little. "Sit! Stay... Good girl." *gives a cookie*

Just_A_Tree 20

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:40

No! Bad girl! No dig! *Aggressively clicks training clicker, with a butt hurt frown of disapproval*

devildog562 33

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:56

I prefer to spray my child with a water bottle . Positive enforcement with treats like Cheeze-its

marcmaralou 15

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:00

my mom did too... when she was raising my sister and me, if we did any shit like that, she would grab us and leave. we cried... a lot... but we learned fast

zombiekiller52 24

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Saturday 7 February 2015 4:18

This is the best thing I have read all day!!!! Hahaha

travellingfun 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:18

That kid definitely knew what he was doing, feel sorry for you OP.

sh07 28

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:24

AHzulu 25

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Saturday 7 February 2015 7:14

No shit...

bryce0110 23

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:25

I can't really imagine that...

feven 32

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:25

An entire room. You'd think he'd find a better puking spot than your lap.

MegasaurusRex89 28

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:39

Kids are just the worst sometimes. And the parents are usually the reason.

HyunnK 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 0:59

Not all the time. Do you think its some parents fault that their child becomes mass murderers? Some influence is the people that the child hangs out with but sometimes those "friends" look like nice kids.