Miscellaneous: Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that...

By 6boss - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Serious times

Packaging

By nosleep - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

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By dantheman - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

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By ugh - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

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By whyme - United States - Tampa

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

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By Dogless - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

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By Morgan - 12/9/2020 23:01 - United States

Badass over here

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

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By lalalasmiles06

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

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By sXeQueen - United States

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Wage slave

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

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By _Oblivion_ - United States

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

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By thatguythere858 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

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By hiii. - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

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By Nick - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

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By ;)loganberry(; - United States

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

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By Congrats to me - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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By hellosir - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

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By DuChaillu - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

So, it is not immoral ?

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

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By AreYouSerious - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

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By Anonytard - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

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By Nikki - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

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By Anon

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

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By mandy - United States

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

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By Bunsofpain - United States

Today I got sunburned on my cheeks. This wouldn't be too bad if they were the ones on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

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By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

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By Sally - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

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By mateyouremental - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

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By some people's parents - United States - Aurora

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

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Top comments

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

COMMENTS

By Astroman129 | 7

#1643794 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

Just wasn't good enough...

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1643824 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

exactly. except it op. your painting sucked monkey balls. try again later.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1643866 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:15

*starts a slow melodic clap*

Einstein714 | 0

#1644060 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 13:00

so what, you suck at art

Rawaha | 0

#1644311 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:08

lol

DocBastard | 38

#1644383 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:23

SmallTown- Please accept this useful tip, except don't be mad about it.

natvv | 0

#1644537 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 15:29

Pics or it didn't happen.

heatherypigeon | 0

#1644680 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 16:16

Doc...nicely put :)

KingDingALing | 9

#1645736 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 20:29

I never thought that someone would make the mistake of saying "except" when they really mean "accept". *Shakes head*

fakeaccountX | 6

#1645839 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:00

You said "nobody clapped," but you never said "nobody cheered."

terranada | 3

#1654964 - Friday 5 November 2010 23:46

either nobody liked your painting or nobody likes YOU. fyl indeed...

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By fendr | 0

#1643802 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By oakleyguy | 0

#1643806 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:09

lol I'll clap for u

hackymeal | 0

#1643974 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:37

ORLY?

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By 77taylah33 | 0

#1643819 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

that's ok make yourself think they weren't clapping cause they were shocked on how good it was! lol jokies don't worry about it

28actress | 22

#6645538 - Friday 8 July 2016 14:13

Maybe they were jealous that it was so much better than the rest of theirs

By FingerMyElmo | 0

#1643828 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

I told you not to draw me in the first place, idiot..

By SAgirl | 13

#1643833 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:11

Was it blank?

By Rangant | 7

#1643860 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:14

don't worry you're just not respected in your time... future generations will be in awe of ur masterpiece

By MrNewOrleans | 0

#1643879 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:16

This happened to me before...
I pulled out my Uzi and shot everyone

runepop | 0

#1645227 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 18:45

win