Miscellaneous: Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that...

By 6boss - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

The smell detective is on the case

Stalker vibes

By sdeeter - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

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By wildwonder808 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

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By noodlesandmilk - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

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By kalazoo21 - United States

Unexpected

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

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By mdg - United States - North Windham

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

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By ChrisD2V - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

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By downgirl - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By iskiel - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

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By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

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By Sgt_Jackrum - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

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By luvlessbootycall - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

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By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 19:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Bullshit reason #874

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

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By Ihavealisp - United States

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

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By Jenna Berreth

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By leogs23 - 7/3/2021 14:02

Nighty night

Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML

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By regretter

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

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By meyo555 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

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By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

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By trackgurl - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

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By radiant - United States

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

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By why - United States

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

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By lizann - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

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By hurtinrealbad - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

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By Deanna

Rumble in the night

Today, I spent the night with in a hotel with my boyfriend's parents, because I went with them to visit him in Atlanta. This morning when I woke up, the first thing they said to me was, "Wow, you're a small girl but you snore like a man." FML

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By Robert Herrin

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

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By hoho5191 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

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By Michael - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

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By RingRing - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

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Top comments

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

COMMENTS

By Astroman129 | 7

#1643794 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

Just wasn't good enough...

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1643824 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

exactly. except it op. your painting sucked monkey balls. try again later.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1643866 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:15

*starts a slow melodic clap*

Einstein714 | 0

#1644060 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 13:00

so what, you suck at art

Rawaha | 0

#1644311 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:08

lol

DocBastard | 38

#1644383 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:23

SmallTown- Please accept this useful tip, except don't be mad about it.

natvv | 0

#1644537 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 15:29

Pics or it didn't happen.

heatherypigeon | 0

#1644680 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 16:16

Doc...nicely put :)

KingDingALing | 9

#1645736 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 20:29

I never thought that someone would make the mistake of saying "except" when they really mean "accept". *Shakes head*

fakeaccountX | 6

#1645839 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:00

You said "nobody clapped," but you never said "nobody cheered."

terranada | 3

#1654964 - Friday 5 November 2010 23:46

either nobody liked your painting or nobody likes YOU. fyl indeed...

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By fendr | 0

#1643802 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By oakleyguy | 0

#1643806 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:09

lol I'll clap for u

hackymeal | 0

#1643974 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:37

ORLY?

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By 77taylah33 | 0

#1643819 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

that's ok make yourself think they weren't clapping cause they were shocked on how good it was! lol jokies don't worry about it

28actress | 22

#6645538 - Friday 8 July 2016 14:13

Maybe they were jealous that it was so much better than the rest of theirs

By FingerMyElmo | 0

#1643828 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

I told you not to draw me in the first place, idiot..

By SAgirl | 13

#1643833 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:11

Was it blank?

By Rangant | 7

#1643860 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:14

don't worry you're just not respected in your time... future generations will be in awe of ur masterpiece

By MrNewOrleans | 0

#1643879 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:16

This happened to me before...
I pulled out my Uzi and shot everyone

runepop | 0

#1645227 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 18:45

win