Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that...

By 6boss - 3/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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Miscellaneous

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Ant life

Basic Instinct

By Fucked4life - 18/4/2018 20:30

Today, I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. I've had a really bad week and am feeling depressed, and he knows this. He's also just decided to tell me he has a two-month-old daughter. We do not have an open relationship. FML

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By Jmdezy - 5/4/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

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By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By Timmah - 31/8/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

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By rook - 9/1/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

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By hmmm - 1/10/2013 12:32 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

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By Ana - 14/8/2018 01:30

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

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By scaredy cat - 9/8/2020 14:02

Wuss

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

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By skating101 - 8/12/2009 02:32 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

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By Caqtusmonkey - 25/8/2016 15:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

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By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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By Eve - 24/6/2011 10:45 - Ireland

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

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By violatedbuttcrack - 16/5/2013 10:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

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By stupid - 27/5/2013 11:16 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 02:00

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

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By omgwtfsam - 27/7/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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By nja - 12/7/2020 23:01

Socializing

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

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By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

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By Boo Boo - 22/1/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

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By missmisfit - 13/6/2012 04:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

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By lean_mean_meme_machine - 10/12/2016 19:07 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was visiting my grandma who has a beagle named Max. He was so excited to see me, he jumped on my face and peed. FML

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By stepshart - 21/8/2014 19:30 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

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By No thanks - 11/12/2014 12:08 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

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By meteorbabe0101 - 14/4/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

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By unwantedforlife - 20/11/2013 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

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By Anna - 18/3/2010 12:20 - United States

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 12:02 - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

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By :( - 27/1/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

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By RogerReady - 31/1/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

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By everyonehatesme - 2/5/2010 08:37 - Malaysia

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

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By heartbrokenl12453 - 27/10/2019 12:00

Movie night

Today, my girlfriend decided that the best place to break up with me was during a movie about two couples breaking up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 23:36 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

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By mom - 26/1/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

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By Talvesh - 15/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

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By sherrylynn - 19/4/2013 21:50 - United States - West Haven

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

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By CurtisWogan - 12/3/2014 22:23 - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

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By coolcucumber - 10/9/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

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By BriarFace - 29/3/2016 01:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 30/5/2020 02:00

Condom advertisement

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

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Top comments

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

COMMENTS

By Astroman129 | 7

#1643794 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

Just wasn't good enough...

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1643824 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

exactly. except it op. your painting sucked monkey balls. try again later.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1643866 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:15

*starts a slow melodic clap*

Einstein714 | 0

#1644060 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 13:00

so what, you suck at art

Rawaha | 0

#1644311 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:08

lol

DocBastard | 38

#1644383 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 14:23

SmallTown- Please accept this useful tip, except don't be mad about it.

natvv | 0

#1644537 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 15:29

Pics or it didn't happen.

heatherypigeon | 0

#1644680 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 16:16

Doc...nicely put :)

KingDingALing | 9

#1645736 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 20:29

I never thought that someone would make the mistake of saying "except" when they really mean "accept". *Shakes head*

fakeaccountX | 6

#1645839 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 21:00

You said "nobody clapped," but you never said "nobody cheered."

terranada | 3

#1654964 - Friday 5 November 2010 23:46

either nobody liked your painting or nobody likes YOU. fyl indeed...

By fendr | 0

#1643800 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By fendr | 0

#1643802 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:08

I would of been the first one to clap

By oakleyguy | 0

#1643806 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:09

lol I'll clap for u

hackymeal | 0

#1643974 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:37

ORLY?

By Na8 | 0

#1643810 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

sorry,they just don't look at things the way u do,just don't mind them there the least of Ur problems

By 77taylah33 | 0

#1643819 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

that's ok make yourself think they weren't clapping cause they were shocked on how good it was! lol jokies don't worry about it

28actress | 22

#6645538 - Friday 8 July 2016 14:13

Maybe they were jealous that it was so much better than the rest of theirs

By FingerMyElmo | 0

#1643828 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:10

I told you not to draw me in the first place, idiot..

By SAgirl | 13

#1643833 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:11

Was it blank?

By Rangant | 7

#1643860 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:14

don't worry you're just not respected in your time... future generations will be in awe of ur masterpiece

By MrNewOrleans | 0

#1643879 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 12:16

This happened to me before...
I pulled out my Uzi and shot everyone

runepop | 0

#1645227 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 18:45

win