By Ladycakes - 04/06/2012 10:13 - United States - Altamonte Springs
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She knows he isn't faking it. You see, he accidentally died in a tragic accident when he tripped in their messy abode. Driving herself mad thinking it was her fault for not cleaning the house better, her grief-stricken psyche forced her to believe that he was alive, and that she could still prevent such an accident. Deep inside, she knows that it's insane and hopeless, and she let it show in this brief moment of weakness. Yet she cannot stop, nor fully accept his death. She can only clean.
80 - I say you should consider your options and be prepared to just leave. If you don't have a kid with him, then just tell him a change is necessary or you are leaving. I mean, think about it. You work 50 hours, you pay the bills, and you cook and clean. You can do the same thing without him.
Wow 80 I'm sorry. I mean in the summer time he should help since he is home from school. If you pay for his schooling he should definitely help all year then. Like what the other people are saying, if u do all of that (work 50 hrs a week, clean, and cook) by yourself you can probably literally do it by yourself. Then find someone who treats you better. I know that would probably be the hardest thing to do.
Thanks for all of the replies. I didn't expect that. I've talked to him about it in the past, when he was working full time as well, I didn't mind too much because we were splitting the bills and his job was more stressful. I think he got into a bad habit. I had lived by myself for about 5 years prior and when we moved in together he was coming straight from his parents house so he never had to deal with things on his own. I think that should be a prerequisite for moving in together, both parties have to have lived on their own for at least 6-12 months lol.
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Don't have sex with him until he starts treating you better
Yes you are right on that, but in MY opinion, I would at least partly blame myself if he finds it somewhere else while I was punishing him for not having it my way, I would feel I was the one who started the problem and that all went downhill after that. Cheating sometimes come from not being satisfy in a relationship, and sex is a big part of that.
Im Sorry if you are working and paying bills I don't see that as an excuse to not help out. It's not that hard to vacuum when you come home or even loading the dishwasher/washer/dryer. I work between 50-70 hour weeks between two jobs pay rent and buy important things for my house and I still do dishes or even take out trash. There's no excuse for not helping. And about her deserving to be cheated on. That's like saying if she pisses him off she deserved to be slap. No one EVER deserves that ever. If he's that weak that he can't hold out on sex and that much of a douche to just end the relationship he doesn't deserve any one nice ever in his life.
I detest how everyone on this site thinks that something, for example, as simple as complaining about doing all the housework is a reason to end a relationship, or go cheat. Not everyone is in relationships that fragile, some couples are willing to do anything to stay together. As for cheating because of lack of sex, I doubt Ops FIANCÉ would do such a thing. Most likely he would start helping out more, or they would find a way to settle it, without having to frickin break off the engagement.
My husband works, I don't, he pays for everything, including my vehicle... I solely clean the house, it's not that hard, yes it's boring, but so what? He works a legitimate paying job, so I take care of the house (that's my job). It sucks OPs boyfriend fell asleep, but in my opinion he has his job, she has hers.. Plus it doesn't take 40 hours a week to keep a house clean.
I know how that goes, and I will say this: it's never gonna change. Either you are someone who takes pride in their home or you aren't. And if you are old enough to live together and he isn't contributing he is clearly in the latter group. Either get used to your new role, or get a new boyfriend.
Still, her advice is sound. OP has to come to the realization that the person she is choosing to marry may never help with the housework, or be appreciative of her doing it. If she cannot, then she has to decide whether to move on or not. Hopefully they've been together long enough for her to communicate to him her dissatisfaction (without him pretending to sleep).
Sure he may never change but he deserves a chance. I like letters or emails for this sort of thing. You get to lay out your points uninterrupted and have time to revise. Edit until there is no accusatory language. Just a simple statement of what you would like and why. No ultimatums. Recommend solutions because he's not going to know what precisely you want unless you tell him. If he slags it off, then you need to decide if you can accept it. Look at the balance of the relationship. Does he do things for you? Do you show your appreciation? My mum stayed home for years and kept an immaculate house. I never heard my father thank her for housework nor did I ever hear her thank him for paying the bills. They showed their appreciation by just doing their part so the other could do his/hers.
Are you sure he wasn't faking it?
Umm no 20 you have half of that statement wrong. Yes, you are right; no one should use sex as a punishment, but if he cheats that is not her fault. Don't justify cheating as ok, it never is. If you have to cheat then you need to end a relationship.