Love: Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel... - FML

By kirrby - 12/11/2011 06:41 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 4 523

This Charming Man

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Pick me!

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 198

You deserved it 1 212

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 417

You deserved it 3 794

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 940

You deserved it 480

By "LovelySB" - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 671

By Shelbs - 05/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 335

You deserved it 3 787

By Ep1cF4ce - 26/07/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 412

Bachelor party

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 417

By Ugh - 17/08/2017 20:00

Today, I had my last assessment for my university degree in the form of an interview at 11am. Without doing this interview, I can't graduate. The interviewer was a no show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 320

You deserved it 195

By straightasaneedle - 02/02/2011 17:11 - Germany

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 504

You deserved it 4 848

By Scarred - 04/04/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 2 344

By inappropes - 10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 655

You deserved it 553

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 3 501

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 17:07 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 588

You deserved it 2 105

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 15:00

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 4 116

By nickern - 08/02/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 492

You deserved it 22 925

By Dezzy - 03/11/2014 19:06 - United States - Springfield

Spicy

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 4 916

By Anonymous - 18/04/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 283

You deserved it 973

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 14:01 - United States - Miami

Today, the guy I liked broke things off with me because he needed time to work on himself, and heal from his recent break up. I went on Instagram to find him reading a poem to his ex about how he wants to worship her body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 104

By Invisible - 22/05/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 678

You deserved it 12 159

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 2 902

By ShamedJP - 03/04/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 208

You deserved it 86 332

By hellosir - 27/03/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 4 189

By really? - 13/08/2013 06:58 - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 512

You deserved it 6 682

Oh, hi grandma!

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 298

Taking sides

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 14:01

Today, after months of not wanting anything to do with her dad, my three-year-old was over her phase. During dinner, I play-shoved my husband and he did it back. Our daughter saw him and now keeps saying, "It’s not nice to push mommy." We’re back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 246

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 12:15

Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 401

By lisa - 29/11/2015 16:04 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 683

You deserved it 1 380

By Anonymous - 24/08/2010 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 264

You deserved it 7 132

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 16:36 - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 676

You deserved it 3 611

By Zach Got Robbed - 08/01/2014 23:02 - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 200

You deserved it 5 264

By Shamed - 06/09/2011 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 525

You deserved it 4 924

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 889

You deserved it 2 966

By insideout - 10/05/2009 20:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 127 799

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 980

By swmmr - 07/08/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 389

You deserved it 14 061

By sigh - 07/11/2015 05:39 - Australia - Rockdale

Spicy

Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 3 220

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 755

You deserved it 4 451

By Anonymous - 27/03/2014 23:03 - Canada - Sackville

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 568

You deserved it 6 844

By nekoneko - 07/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 927

You deserved it 3 017

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Top comments

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Saturday 12 November 2011 15:59

how long did it take you to tell her?!

RuCheezBurger 10

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:02

If she fell asleep, then you have a very good reason to feel unappreciated. Dump her sleepy ass.

Comments

chickenwalrus 14

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Saturday 12 November 2011 15:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

tellithowitis 13

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:07

Put shaving cream all over her face

chickenwalrus 14

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:19

looking back that was a really shitty comment... my apologies.

MizzErikaHart 8

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:22

It's ok, u were right

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:02

You know what's really crazy these days? All the pancake choices at IHop. Fucking crazy, they have like 20 different kinds!

Choose_Wisely 5

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Saturday 12 November 2011 18:34

15 - whenever i look at your pic, it looks like you have your legs spead and in the air

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Saturday 12 November 2011 18:56

Says the one with a half man/half unicorn/half American gladiator picture. ^ LOL

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Saturday 12 November 2011 19:45

58- that was a good come back!! Lol but I agree with the op

chickenwalrus 14

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Saturday 12 November 2011 22:43

53... whos pic are you looking at bro? hahaha

tjv3 10

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Sunday 13 November 2011 0:48

you should just change your status on facebook and leave her a wall post and Also put it as your status up date

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Saturday 12 November 2011 15:59

how long did it take you to tell her?!

Epic_Fail911 15

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:21

ZzZzZzzzZzZZzzZzzZzzz

J0gby 0

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:54

Now op knows how half the women on this planet feel.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 18:58

TL(zzzz)D(zzzzz)R(zzz)....

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Monday 14 November 2011 21:33

Friday.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:01

So you had a speech prepared? o__o;;

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:37

o w o... This was kind of going off on the person above me's comment of how long it took to break up with her. >_< Well, I do agree that they should break up, as she seems to neglect him to the point of falling asleep.

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Monday 4 January 2016 5:21

Y-you play Maplestory o.o

RuCheezBurger 10

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:02

If she fell asleep, then you have a very good reason to feel unappreciated. Dump her sleepy ass.

flockz 19

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:07

how does a sleepy ass snore?

RuCheezBurger 10

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:13

Like a fat kid choking on healthy food?

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Sunday 13 November 2011 4:35

Celery makes your dick grow. So does lycopene, like the stuff found in fresh tomatoes, but go for Gac fruit instead.

likasumboooodi 0

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:02

the fuck???? how do you sleep in like 10 seconds? well draw all over her face and write things like we are over you lazy bitch then leave oh and take some of her stuff

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:33

I like your way of thinking. five stars indeed.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 18:37

She might have had sleep apnea like my dad , who if he is in the mood to sleep can fall asleep in 30 seconds.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 18:55

That's narcolepsy or just being tired. Sleep apnea is say different.

ohmandapants 16

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Sunday 13 November 2011 4:10

Erm, sleep apnea is having trouble breathing while you sleep. Maybe your dad has that, but it's not what you described.

GothicAngel95 16

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Sunday 13 November 2011 4:21

You sir/madam are a true genius but you forgot you have to do it with a sharpie so that way it's perminate and she*ll have trouble getting the ink off.

RecklessJellyBea 7

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:03

Just leave and cut your losses. She'll figure it out eventually.

saIty 17

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:03

Slap her real hard while holding a stinky trash bag across her face. Then tell her to take out the trash, cause you're dumping her.

lookhookersonu 0

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:06

That sucks sorry bro

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:12

jus do her mom (if she's hot) she'll figure out...

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:53

Good one?

LifeOnBlast19 9

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Saturday 12 November 2011 19:33

Ummmm....no.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 19:39

Okay, I have two problems here. 1. Your comment is dumb and pointless and 2. I don't really like your name. You can't ask someone why they're gay. It's like a gay person asking a straight person why they're straight.

Ha1r1nY0S0up 15

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Sunday 13 November 2011 0:12

His name is pretty stupid and ignorant.. But that does seem to be the solution for everything

drawmesunshine 17

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Sunday 13 November 2011 8:01

Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're gay.

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Monday 23 June 2014 9:17

I've done that before

spencerstoaker 7

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Saturday 12 November 2011 16:13

Just leave her a note. There's no reason to stay with her then.

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Saturday 12 November 2011 17:06

Agreed.. She is not worth your time OP

AshleighNason 24

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Saturday 12 November 2011 21:43

agreed

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 129

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 110