Love: Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication... - FML

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 7 575

The smell detective is on the case

Great family you've got there

Hope there's no dancing involved

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 863

You deserved it 4 815

By BaconGirl - 08/07/2016 06:00

Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 173

You deserved it 1 988

By Moon-chan - 30/06/2019 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 325

By bugger - 22/02/2015 17:31

Spicy

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 911

You deserved it 5 138

By LeoCor - 27/08/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 395

You deserved it 2 385

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 19:29 - United States - Greeley

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 072

You deserved it 1 594

By 3yrneveragainn - 31/12/2010 00:45

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 993

You deserved it 4 095

By justin - 13/12/2013 03:08 - United States - Waco

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 692

You deserved it 3 396

By jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 6 451

By the other man - 28/08/2013 03:11 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 916

You deserved it 3 912

By mizzleshizzle - 09/03/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 276

You deserved it 64 603

How Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 20/08/2018 08:30 - United States - Brick

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 161

By hate enough to kill... - 14/10/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 445

You deserved it 1 988

By Perdedor - 07/01/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 879

You deserved it 44 837

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 430

You deserved it 8 664

Spinning out and miserable

By picklemonger - 08/03/2020 16:00 - Canada

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 122

By blank13 - 09/08/2009 01:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 519

You deserved it 12 381

By emie0209 - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 379

You deserved it 6 504

By Already Broke Asf - 18/11/2015 01:51 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 910

You deserved it 2 309

Face your demons

By corleon198425 - 13/11/2020 20:08

Today, I finally got a job after months of searching due to Covid. The bad news? It's cleaning dog kennels. I have an extreme fear of animal poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 501

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 833

You deserved it 2 465

By unfortunate - 25/04/2012 04:50 - Sweden

Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 022

You deserved it 10 416

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156 945

You deserved it 17 983

By myself - 09/02/2015 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 347

You deserved it 4 521

By Brummsta - 27/01/2010 07:41 - Australia

Today, I woke up with a cordless drill on my bed. The one I lent my neighbour last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 2 591

By idiotwithaface - 23/09/2010 14:17 - United States

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 486

You deserved it 61 600

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23 312

You deserved it 2 170

By Terry - 13/07/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 88 736

By Chad - 27/04/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 482

You deserved it 10 442

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 847

You deserved it 13 534

By whaaaaat111 - 09/03/2013 12:04 - United States - Vienna

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 2 744

By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/09/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 286

You deserved it 2 868

By Alliente - 17/07/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 3 803

By massage mama - 04/08/2019 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 151

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 977

You deserved it 458

Mix up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 10:31 - Iran, Islamic Republic of - Pishgaman

Today, I found out that the person I love, who is also a friend, is now in a relationship with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 117

By stopstutteringforSiri - 05/01/2014 21:59 - United States

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 6 082

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 6 758

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Top comments

elitemonkyman 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:02

then throw a bucket of water on him

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:04

He is trying to communicate with you through his dreams. I think he is most likely a wizard from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Comments

elitemonkyman 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:02

then throw a bucket of water on him

doing_it_ritee 5

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:10

or hit him!!

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:11

or put his hand in warm water and watch his piss himself.

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:25

Dump him... that will wake him up...

ImAHomosexual 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:44

^ Why do you have to go and make everything so serious? I mean really? Really? Fuck you man. God. I can't even look at you the same anymore man. Damn.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:24

I suggest if this happens again to see a marriage counselor to help you sort out the problems, or threaten him to see a marriage counselor, that'd will keep him awake.

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:55

maybe she should show some cleavage that will at least keep him awake ;)

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 21:22

^^ they are not even married

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 21:26

you don't have to be married to show cleavage?

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:19

oh but you do!

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:54

that's ironic

ILOLatmockdaweek 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 0:12

58- why are you always so serious?

iSlappedCupid 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 3:28

101- I agree

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 3:43

what's wrong with 58 giving some serious advice?

ImAHomosexual 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 4:34

111. Shut the fuck up.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 7:29

Sorry I misread and I was trying to help the Op out?

krysxkatastrophe 14

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:03

Obviously it isn't getting resolved anytime soon.

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:39

ikr, irony much?

iSitt 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:58

next time he wants sex, fall asleep

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:03

I think you need to work on your communication skills

Accept 11

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:04

That's a Sign

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:04

He is trying to communicate with you through his dreams. I think he is most likely a wizard from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:12

Maybe he be one of the wizards in waverly place.... nope, yours was better.

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:16

Now I'm thinking about Selena Gomez! Way to go Sassy!

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:36

That's what I think about 24/7. One day I'll find Selena Gomez, tell her my love, and then hopefully she would giggle and say" nice meeting you" and then she will soon forget about me and I will still remember that moment for the rest of my life.

ThisRandomChild 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:51

Dude, sassy, shes clearly a lesbian. I mean, her and justin(e) beiber r mackin on each other big time. Plus there both like 12. Perv. Lmfao

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:53

Everything you just told me is a lie. Why you gotta be a lier, lier.

largefoofighter 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 5:04

or a liar

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:48

Actually both are correct, I just say the "lier" way because I show it can be done and when people try to correct me it brings me fun.

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 10:27

lier is not the same as liar.

geechmofoshibab 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 22:06

5, You are my hero.

whoisthisgirl 4

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:05

be more demanding! maybe that'll make him listen. for a while..

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Sunday 10 July 2011 8:19

yes

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:06

What is guy thinking. Whenever this topic comes up you must wear sunglasses.

ChelseaFan817 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:07

you should leave him

scruffy_janitor5 1

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:08

I think that he was trying to tell you he was tired

comepoopwithme 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:08

actions speak louder then words

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:08

What a winner.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 97

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 34