Intimacy: Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow....

By R_U_CEREAL - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

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68909

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Intimacy

No data for you

Too Much Information

Can't win

By Noname - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

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33984

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By Scarred Nephew - United States - Allen

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12725

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1376

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By B-377 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

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2903

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225

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By Unsuspecting - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23444

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1719

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By SummerJob

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

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22951

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4753

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By itchyitch - United States - Monterey Park

Cheapskate suds

Today, it turns out the beautiful, "organic" artisanal soap my boyfriend gave me actually came from the 99 cents store. He just wrapped it in some cellophane and gave it to me. I’m currently itching to death from the godawful rash and hives it gave me. I may need to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1799

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214

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By millzee - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24188

You deserved it

1980

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By UhOh - United States

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11134

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By Wheel chair bound - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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8366

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By ILoveLamps - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

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31147

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By tjm - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29577

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By freshman - Canada

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10141

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59980

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By vagina dentata for christmas, pls - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35663

You deserved it

5025

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By Parade - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30801

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42383

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By Anonymous - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21671

You deserved it

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By painedandpissed - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44938

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By Embarrassed

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2984

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414

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By docwinters - Australia - Bathurst

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

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44078

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By Anonymous - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40468

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By lily - 13/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Disinterested

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

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1282

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310

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By heaventlyassbutt - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10914

You deserved it

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By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

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35924

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10175

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By apparentlyugly - United States - Henderson

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33068

You deserved it

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By Not impressed. - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39527

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By Joey - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41584

You deserved it

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By Kronic - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

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14279

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By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Drugs

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

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835

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By Anonymous - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67312

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3964

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By dumped - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68444

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By lee - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML

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35160

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By SURPRISE - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89451

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6790

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By xxbobsan - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47615

You deserved it

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By Were do we go... - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28998

You deserved it

6000

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By f u doc - 30/9/2020 17:01 - United States

Time's up

Today, I had two different doctor's appointments with different specialists at the same hospital. Doctor #1 kept me waiting so long doctor #2 refused to see me. I tried to explain I was in the building and why I was late, but he wouldn’t hear it. I’d already waited 4 months for these appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1319

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By diablo

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4327

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294

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By nana. - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9445

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By Awkward Jeff

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

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737

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By larry_richard - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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4194

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

It wasn't me

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

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801

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Top comments

By awuh_man | 0

#367233 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha
that sucks
was it hot?

By Dboy23 | 0

#367258 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

COMMENTS

By awuh_man | 0

#367233 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha
that sucks
was it hot?

T1MT1M | 0

#368362 - Saturday 4 July 2009 22:47

wrong. lets hope she does put it on the internet! I wanna see lol. This sounds amusing,

hecuva | 0

#368492 - Saturday 4 July 2009 23:33

Screw the girlfriend/boyfriend showing... wait until the marriage reception, then project it onto a big screen for everyone to see.

Loser390 | 0

#368769 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:20

Why get a girlfriend when you have a pillow?

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#369551 - Sunday 5 July 2009 7:06

If your girlfriend sees the video, tell her that you were subconsciously masturbating over her.

u_must_be_gay09 | 0

#377969 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 7:08

#41, you're an idiot

zeos | 0

#379183 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 18:01

haha that would really suck for him xDD (#55)

ivals | 2

#385579 - Friday 10 July 2009 23:43

true, wat he said was bullshit, pillows suck i have tried it once

KRYPTON1T3 | 5

#2658579 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:59

video or it didn't happen.

By hundremeterhekk | 0

#367235 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

first

fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#367273 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:14

fail

rescueLove | 0

#835386 - Monday 8 February 2010 20:16

major fail #2.

breena25 | 0

#2184221 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 9:32

you sir, ( or ma'am ) fail at life

TheCheesePanda | 4

#5023945 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 23:55

You put the 'F' in Fail.

By TJPartyBoy | 0

#367236 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

PWNED

By rukiafujioka | 0

#367238 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:05

oooh...fyl. But the pillow pwned you xD

By LuckyCharms_fml | 0

#367242 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:06

Haha FAIL for #2 and EPIC WIN for your mom...that's something to show the future girlfriend.

I_love_5gum | 5

#3647387 - Sunday 27 November 2011 9:29

Why do you assume its a guy?

Rose_916 | 16

#4902681 - Thursday 6 September 2012 15:39

It says op is!
fyl thats super embarrassing better delete the video secretly before she shows people

By riaaa | 0

#367249 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:07

what kind of mother do u have -_-''

dearViena | 0

#367602 - Saturday 4 July 2009 18:07

a funny one

jncwmnd | 0

#368863 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:53

ick, his mom is a creeper...i would walk out and pretend i hadn't seen anything, but your mom chose to record it?? o.O

Leashaness | 5

#383512 - Friday 10 July 2009 2:47

It's not like he was beating off. He was screwing his pillow... in his sleep! That's funny! His mom has a good sense of humor.

By Rockey | 3

#367256 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:09

What kind of dreams do you have?

Fixed @ #6

By Dboy23 | 0

#367258 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

By emer_helena | 0

#367266 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:13

Well that sucks

By catatonicsleep | 17

#367287 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:17

Why would she film it?

Mnemic | 5

#367305 - Saturday 4 July 2009 16:25

I guess a new YouTube hero is on its way! :-o

Disturbing btw... that your mom actually recorded it.