Intimacy: Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow....

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 13 675

Intimacy

This Charming Man

Need warmth

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 12:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 014

You deserved it 9 810

By jeesh - 31/01/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 928

You deserved it 89 132

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 22:33 - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 6 623

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 16:30 - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 884

You deserved it 54 097

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 19:00 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 621

You deserved it 285

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 13 083

By f'ed_over - 19/01/2009 11:12 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 290

You deserved it 2 415

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 7 851

By smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - 10/11/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 4 476

By ParkerRommel - 27/01/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 6 973

By badessaymyass - 17/04/2014 19:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 020

You deserved it 4 573

By cutthroatkait - 05/08/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 697

You deserved it 2 998

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 06:57

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 4 998

By Andre - 16/05/2011 04:37

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 31 976

By Malakai - 02/02/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 766

You deserved it 8 465

By technical - 31/03/2015 02:50 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 2 361

Great parenting, mom

By kat99 - 15/03/2021 21:30

Today, as always, I have autism and it is physically painful for me to make eye contact. I read that you can solve this by looking at the person’s ears or nose. Except my mom can somehow tell when I’m doing this, and she yells and screams at me for not looking her in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 83

Knock off

By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 101

By ahhnotoy - 27/04/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 089

You deserved it 14 552

By maxmess - 21/06/2016 21:39

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 1 105

By pantsareathing - 13/06/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 421

You deserved it 2 442

By cheated - 17/09/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 485

You deserved it 2 774

By Scarred for life - 04/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't bad if you think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 737

You deserved it 1 319

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 01:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 4 207

Duh.

By psb1990 - 01/09/2018 01:30

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 3 528

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 054

You deserved it 56 110

By FirehouseShowersAreGross - 05/07/2019 00:00

Today, I’m showering at a local firehouse. Why? Because our shower is broken and my dad refuses to fix it, or get someone to fix it for us. It’s been a year and a half since I've showered in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 155

By sister of an angry nerd - 23/12/2015 06:09

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 305

You deserved it 3 147

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 7 978

Night terror

By Kira - 12/06/2021 04:01

Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 81

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 048

You deserved it 15 129

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 94

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 635

You deserved it 5 772

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 116

You deserved it 47 796

By Tanya - 30/05/2019 11:26

Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 128

By Promo girl - 22/01/2009 22:35 - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 278

You deserved it 2 340

What about me?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 14:00

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 132

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 25 086

By louie - 31/01/2012 20:17 - United States

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 029

You deserved it 3 188

By anonymous - 07/10/2011 15:09 - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 685

You deserved it 2 682

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Top comments

awuh_man 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha that sucks was it hot?

Dboy23 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

awuh_man 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha that sucks was it hot?

T1MT1M 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 22:47

wrong. lets hope she does put it on the internet! I wanna see lol. This sounds amusing,

hecuva 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 23:33

Screw the girlfriend/boyfriend showing... wait until the marriage reception, then project it onto a big screen for everyone to see.

Loser390 0

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Sunday 5 July 2009 1:20

Why get a girlfriend when you have a pillow?

MR_OHCRAP 0

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Sunday 5 July 2009 7:06

If your girlfriend sees the video, tell her that you were subconsciously masturbating over her.

u_must_be_gay09 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 7:08

#41, you're an idiot

zeos 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 18:01

haha that would really suck for him xDD (#55)

ivals 2

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Friday 10 July 2009 23:43

true, wat he said was bullshit, pillows suck i have tried it once

KRYPTON1T3 5

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Saturday 11 June 2011 5:59

video or it didn't happen.

hundremeterhekk 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

first

fmlAllStar7274 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:14

fail

rescueLove 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 20:16

major fail #2.

breena25 0

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Tuesday 15 March 2011 9:32

you sir, ( or ma'am ) fail at life

TheCheesePanda 4

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Tuesday 9 October 2012 23:55

You put the 'F' in Fail.

TJPartyBoy 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

PWNED

rukiafujioka 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:05

oooh...fyl. But the pillow pwned you xD

LuckyCharms_fml 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:06

Haha FAIL for #2 and EPIC WIN for your mom...that's something to show the future girlfriend.

I_love_5gum 5

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Sunday 27 November 2011 9:29

Why do you assume its a guy?

Rose_916 16

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Thursday 6 September 2012 15:39

It says op is! fyl thats super embarrassing better delete the video secretly before she shows people

riaaa 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:07

what kind of mother do u have -_-''

dearViena 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 18:07

a funny one

jncwmnd 0

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Sunday 5 July 2009 1:53

ick, his mom is a creeper...i would walk out and pretend i hadn't seen anything, but your mom chose to record it?? o.O

Leashaness 5

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:47

It's not like he was beating off. He was screwing his pillow... in his sleep! That's funny! His mom has a good sense of humor.

Rockey 3

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:09

What kind of dreams do you have? Fixed @ #6

Dboy23 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

emer_helena 0

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:13

Well that sucks

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:17

Why would she film it?

Mnemic 5

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Saturday 4 July 2009 16:25

I guess a new YouTube hero is on its way! :-o Disturbing btw... that your mom actually recorded it.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 4

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 56

Great parenting, mom

Knock off

Duh.

Night terror

Doin' it for the 'gram

What about me?

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