By Cnscott0205 - United States - Denver

Big one

Today, I accidentally touched someone's boobs. It was a man. And I noticed that they were bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

237

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Misheard

Fake News

By Gage

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2957

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By nobodylovesme - United States - Northridge

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66760

You deserved it

4911

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50829

You deserved it

5215

Favorite

By person - United States

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54256

You deserved it

9494

Favorite

By Vinny1017 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45321

You deserved it

4811

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By aoliver03

Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3089

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By nato - United States

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28168

You deserved it

2324

Favorite

By Lies - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44635

You deserved it

5907

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2020 05:05

Double standards

Today, my best friend, who is also Godmother to my son, came over to visit for a few hours, as she does every other day. My husband complained to me that she’s over a lot. But he doesn’t see anything wrong with his best friend coming over every weekend and sleepover for 2-3 days straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1460

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By dancerr2210 - United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53022

You deserved it

6918

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26169

You deserved it

2720

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By badsinger - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40942

You deserved it

15471

Favorite

By whattheshit - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26094

You deserved it

2351

Favorite

By ilovepancakes - United States - Rolling Meadows

Today, after talking to the man whose car I scratched, we agreed that the damages and cost of repair were so low and instead of me paying I just buy him coffee. When I showed up he saw me, decided I was too ugly to have coffee with, and instead demanded full payment in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14085

You deserved it

1378

Favorite

By caterinette - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30060

You deserved it

2233

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44635

You deserved it

19921

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By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24871

You deserved it

6574

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By still broke and jobless - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22768

You deserved it

2537

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47173

You deserved it

5041

Favorite

By so romantic - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43616

You deserved it

3475

Favorite

By smashleighfig - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39956

You deserved it

3592

Favorite

By sis - United States - Hesperia

Today, I went shopping with my sister’s husband to help him choose a birthday gift for her. My sister’s insane friend saw us, followed us, and caused a huge screaming scene in the middle of the mall accusing us of having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4907

You deserved it

283

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By lalalalainie - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11718

You deserved it

35291

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By hatemylife - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46836

You deserved it

6895

Favorite

By lissysue1 - United States - Green Bay

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31758

You deserved it

4873

Favorite

By Anonymous

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1104

You deserved it

988

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55571

You deserved it

3599

Favorite

By LockedOut - United States

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38334

You deserved it

14924

Favorite

By That escalated quickly - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22380

You deserved it

4226

Favorite

By lonely one - United States

Today, it's been a week since I've been in hospital. No one has been to visit me. The nurses have nicknamed me "The Lonely One." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32562

You deserved it

1985

Favorite

By theassman - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27087

You deserved it

80370

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Medication shutdown

Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42771

You deserved it

4912

Favorite

By ohyaknow - United States

Communication

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12948

You deserved it

37392

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52990

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By ItsFunnyNow - United States

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22507

You deserved it

6711

Favorite

By Jayman223 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6639

You deserved it

1121

Favorite

By Awkward - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69416

You deserved it

7862

Favorite

By MrT

Today, I phoned my bank. The person wouldn't speak to me about my account as I "sound female" despite being a year 30-old-male. They had to get a supervisor and listen to recordings of past calls to believe me. This isn't the first time I've been mistaken for a girl on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3940

You deserved it

286

Favorite

By fingerfuckd - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

166103

You deserved it

13614

Favorite

By OopsKid - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38206

You deserved it

16496

Favorite

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Top comments

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7860159 - Sunday 17 November 2019 21:00

Trust me, big boobs are not all they're cracked up to be. I'd rather have smaller boobs than bigger boobs.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7860100 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:31

Lots of guys wish they could have gynecomastia. You groped one of the lucky ones!

COMMENTS

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7860098 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:29

So whats the bigger problem here?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7860100 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:31

Lots of guys wish they could have gynecomastia. You groped one of the lucky ones!

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7860159 - Sunday 17 November 2019 21:00

Trust me, big boobs are not all they're cracked up to be. I'd rather have smaller boobs than bigger boobs.

By Sheila Deville | 15

#7860254 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:32

I have lived that exact moment!! It was weird for me too, I am blessed in the chest but had nothing on that guy!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7860836 - Wednesday 20 November 2019 15:36

I bet you felt a right tit. And a left one.