By Cnscott0205 - United States - Denver

Big one

Today, I accidentally touched someone's boobs. It was a man. And I noticed that they were bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1715

You deserved it

239

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Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Poisoned chalice

Rock and a hard place

By elcee1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24897

You deserved it

2257

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By oh, shit...... - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21316

You deserved it

1960

Favorite

By kvdfan - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28159

You deserved it

3477

Favorite

By Becca - United States - Tampa

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11594

You deserved it

27050

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44522

You deserved it

11226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 11:00

Classic

Today, I had a dream I saw my dad. I tried to talk to him, but then I woke up. He died last Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1336

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54088

You deserved it

9648

Favorite

By Jeremy - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27187

You deserved it

86943

Favorite

By shelbylove115 - United States - Nevada City

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14573

You deserved it

35072

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By Youtube drama sucks - 4/2/2021 22:58

YouTube Drama

Today, I went down a four-hour YouTube rabbit hole trying to understand the Onision drama. I finally snapped out if it, thinking, "I don't care about any of this. What am I doing with my life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

459

You deserved it

400

Favorite

By moose - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12121

You deserved it

2849

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21076

You deserved it

1818

Favorite

By CancerFdMyLife - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40041

You deserved it

3478

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4641

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By poisongrl - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28866

You deserved it

2415

Favorite

By Al - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13242

You deserved it

1234

Favorite

By Angelica - United States

Today, I had to sit patiently at the checkout at work, listening to my own father rant about how the twinkies he was buying were "twice the size back in my day", and how "you could buy a dozen of these suckers for just 10 cents." He didn't stop there. No, he tried to haggle over the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24788

You deserved it

2376

Favorite

By insomnia - United States

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15207

You deserved it

68817

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31079

You deserved it

3272

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7304

You deserved it

408

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By smallfrie32

Today, I realized that 95% of my facebook friends added me only because they think my sisters are hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34099

You deserved it

4520

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

945

You deserved it

1742

Favorite

By very punny - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49518

You deserved it

6393

Favorite

By loverpants - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51742

You deserved it

5521

Favorite

By greenandswirly - United States - Columbia City

Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn't hurt so much. Now I can't even go for a leisurely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5601

You deserved it

786

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4078

You deserved it

262

Favorite

By Lionman - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28188

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By -.- - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45182

You deserved it

5191

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4370

You deserved it

435

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By 00sasori - Canada - Vancouver

Baseless accusation

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38144

You deserved it

2992

Favorite

By :/

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44185

You deserved it

17419

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34441

You deserved it

2292

Favorite

By Anonymous - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31915

You deserved it

1932

Favorite

By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23631

You deserved it

2096

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37922

You deserved it

8696

Favorite

By cereal stepper

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7651

You deserved it

5429

Favorite

By Calimero0

Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4165

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By fmylovelife - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44395

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48554

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12288

You deserved it

3527

Favorite

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Top comments

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7860159 - Sunday 17 November 2019 21:00

Trust me, big boobs are not all they're cracked up to be. I'd rather have smaller boobs than bigger boobs.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7860100 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:31

Lots of guys wish they could have gynecomastia. You groped one of the lucky ones!

COMMENTS

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7860098 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:29

So whats the bigger problem here?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7860100 - Sunday 17 November 2019 16:31

Lots of guys wish they could have gynecomastia. You groped one of the lucky ones!

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7860159 - Sunday 17 November 2019 21:00

Trust me, big boobs are not all they're cracked up to be. I'd rather have smaller boobs than bigger boobs.

By Sheila Deville | 15

#7860254 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:32

I have lived that exact moment!! It was weird for me too, I am blessed in the chest but had nothing on that guy!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7860836 - Wednesday 20 November 2019 15:36

I bet you felt a right tit. And a left one.