Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Well, you /did/ just lose what small amount of wisdom you had.
kAPISH 29
I don't need to be high for shouting that. Pooping is some serious shit.
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Comments (101)
GentlemanBastard 15
Everyone has different reactions to drugs. Doesn't mean they were different drugs.
TheBurdenOfLife 9
After getting my teeth extracted, I saw purple mountains, unicorns and goblins. I also told my boyfriend at the time that I thought lesbian sex would be weird and referred to it as "bumping knees." I do not remember any of that.
Blaphlafagus 19
According to my mother I punched the dentist when he knocked me out so that he could take out my wisdom teeth
kittylevin 8
And that's why I got my wisdom teeth out with only local anesthetic.
cheesebond 29
When I had an appendisectimy not sure how to spell, I realized I had my underwear taken off while unconious and told my nurse my "cobra" was going to "bite" her if she didn't back off. I was referring to my male genitalia
Lsidak715 8
Stuff like that happens to everyone One of my brothers started insulting the doctor who went to Yale (my bro goes to Harvard, rivals) asking to get his teeth back and talking in Arabic My other brother was really scared after he woke up And my other brother is getting them out this week