Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Well, you /did/ just lose what small amount of wisdom you had.
kAPISH 29
I don't need to be high for shouting that. Pooping is some serious shit.
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Comments (101)
martin8337 36
Smooth. You're a regular mac daddy, or is it daddy mac.
Sakuraashita 15
This happens to most people I know who have had this done. Don't feel bad, OP, yours was really mild.
Xivion 19
MOVE! GET OUTTA THE WAY! I GOTTA POOP I GOTTA POOP I GOTTA POOP I GOTTA POOP!!!
love_me_electric 20
I could definitely see myself doing this. Thankfully when they pulled mine all I needed was local anesthetic and Advil.
devilkazama 9
You shouldn't smoke after tooth extraction. The sucking motion might dislodge the blood clots at the extraction sites causing what is known as "dry socket". It's extremely painful and slows down healing.
Coeliacchic93 21
I don't think they were smoking anything... pain meds can often give people a high.
HockeyPlayerLife 13
Surprisingly this is the only comment like this so far!
xkatiexhx 5
Dude the first time I got high I ran down the high street asking this boy I was with if he wanted a ******* then a handjob and then sex. It's normal for the first time
sweetbliss3 37
normal? idk anyone this has ever happened to. you sound like a ho.
cjmedic 12
That's not too bad, just funny. My brother tried to fight the dentist and our mom when he woke up; I just tried to talk to her in sign language (despite not using it in over a decade). Everyone reacts differently.
lina21 12
Why didn't you go to another clinic! Never let your coworkers, let alone subordinates see you drugged up
JD1147 27
Well at least you're honest
DaniBee420 6
Oh that's too funny :D Don't stress it OP, they hear that kind of stuff all the time. Apparently I was hitting on my dentist as I was leaving. Don't remember a thing lol. I'm sure they've heard worse, trust me.