Miscellaneous: Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very...

By kykynevs - 23/08/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 108

You deserved it 2 847

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 062

You deserved it 4 774

By dangerZone - 27/02/2013 16:43 - United States - Statesboro

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 023

You deserved it 5 713

By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 422

You deserved it 2 727

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:57 - Australia

Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 169

You deserved it 39 681

Whoops

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 35 820

By goodbye-college - 15/08/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 262

You deserved it 5 228

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 06:00

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 143

You deserved it 433

By Grossed Out - 29/12/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 3 088

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 903

You deserved it 4 461

Bunch of Freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 652

You deserved it 3 254

By Sanchez - 07/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 419

You deserved it 2 786

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 310

By Rush Snake - 05/01/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 31 507

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 21:30

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 30/01/2019 00:00

Today, the little bell in my car that lets you know your keys are still in your ignition went out. How did I find out? I locked myself out of both my house and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 549

By DisturbedMan - 15/01/2014 22:29 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 964

You deserved it 5 912

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 19:58 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 3 110

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 427

You deserved it 12 034

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:21 - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 116

You deserved it 11 213

By broke - 22/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 318

By long day - 12/11/2013 20:29 - United States - Bay City

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 641

You deserved it 3 865

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 3 440

By Nat3_2020 - 27/01/2015 14:02 - United States

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 3 723

By NoCookForYou - 22/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 612

You deserved it 5 814

By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 4 777

By [email protected] - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 803

You deserved it 6 443

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 905

By mandy - 01/08/2009 01:51 - Australia

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 192

You deserved it 4 565

By she knows - 08/10/2013 16:30 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 112

You deserved it 3 270

By ChocoMilkManG - 03/07/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 196

You deserved it 17 946

By Wronged - 21/09/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 450

You deserved it 3 558

By norina - 11/02/2014 10:01 - France - Paris

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 856

You deserved it 7 270

By Jack.mercado - 19/03/2016 16:58 - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 563

You deserved it 12 184

Slow down

By cuz803 - 20/05/2021 17:00

Today, my high school diploma came in the mail. I accidentally ripped the diploma while opening it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 455

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 352

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 400

You deserved it 21 078

Flipped the bird

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 05:59

Today, a client walked into my store with a duck in her hands. I had to explain to her that she couldn't bring the bird shopping with her. We got a 1-star review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 91

By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 454

You deserved it 209

By Stupid - 20/04/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 086

You deserved it 18 576

By kebaby - 19/06/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 918

You deserved it 48 105

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Top comments

DFlit1 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:54

Old bitches r still bitches

saIty 17

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

It's a miracle she's alive. Some old people cut the cheese so hard they blow up.

LordGoober 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:53

You really didn't claim it in public when it was that noticeable? Fyl

Youtube00 5

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:58

Just jokingly say something like "those burritos were good last night" Problem solved

8sq 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:04

I would have just laughed and explained what happened.

xDefendPopPunkx 14

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:05

Wisdom may come with age, but I guess manners don't.

CreeperIRL 14

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:10

When keepin it real goes wrong?

stro88 6

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:12

Dang she dealt it like a boss then. Learn from her grace.

eminemchick 19

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:48

thank you 22 now "like a boss" is stuck in my head

xcassiecassx 8

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:39

I can't wait to get old.

nikkibee50 10

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:56

I would have punched the bitch in her face!

xDefendPopPunkx 14

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:05

21, that is an amazing The Wonder Years song. Sorry, my pop punk addiction got the best of me. Back to topic, yeah old people can be so rude. That is what we're talking about, right?

theaws0m3guy 4

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 1:10

Lol the scene playing in my head is freaking hilarious...

starkiller731 2

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 1:42

21- I thought more of emmure when I saw that.

adropofpeace 8

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 3:20

Hey, look on the bright side OP, everyone on FML believes you're innocent :)

Laurenlou 24

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 3:22

Gosh. You gotta love old people.(:

NTimmy 2

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:54

I did the same to my little sister :)

heykaymae 2

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Thursday 25 August 2011 9:00

Emmure?

DFlit1 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:54

Old bitches r still bitches

ant1078 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

Old ppl on the bus are the worst

commietaco 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:14

bitches ain't the same these days. back in my day if you wanted a sammich the bitch would bring you one! now, the damn feminists run the place! if I want a sammich I have to drive to the damn deli, pay 5 dollars, and only then do I get my sammich!.....goddamn feminists!

Uraharas_Bankai 1

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:28

The daily life an old person, annoying the hell out of anyone younger than them

Lanceeden 12

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:28

Whoever smelled it dealt it

hemz_fml 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:08

I'd do the same and so would you and everyone else it's human nature.

22cute 17

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:41

Ah, farting in public, one of the well earned rights of growing old.

imaninja1 9

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 6:41

Or being young

Zeek63 0

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 14:25

Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay that was titled "Fart Proudly" so ya piece of history class on FML

DeathMaple 3

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:55

Haha she passed the gas.

LordGoober 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:56

Really? I missed that part of the fml.

zaveeshaveesh3 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:24

Death maple I see what you did there

Pinguini26 6

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:46

You gotta watch out for those "sweet old ladies."

Dalliance 4

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:00

#4, she passed wind AND passed the buck, so to speak. I think that was the pun #3 was aiming for.

QueenQuay77 10

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:44

she did a classic move, that's hilarious. she departed after she farted lmao!!!

shalia_fml 1

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:56

I admit, FYL. old people these days. :/ I guess they get some "skills" at fooling ppl with age lol.

Eggers 2

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:41

Kids these days. lacking a sense of humor. your comment no es bueno

crazychick1269 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:56

I love old old people!

BOOSCAREDU 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:19

So you don't love old people? Only old old people.

crazychick1269 7

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:06

no sorry I had a blonde moment and like totally screwed up!

Killerturtle 11

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:57

I can't help to laugh when old people fart uncontrollably :/

horsegirl331 6

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Thursday 12 April 2012 5:09

My grandma always does fart!

flugiboogee 9

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

How is this an fml? So what? People thought you farted, boo hoo.

Runninvegan 8

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

Tell them you have Tourettes of the ass.

nixter5 18

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:53

Or a spastic colon.

just_a_dude_ 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:00

"did your ass just call me Bob Saget?"

saIty 17

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

It's a miracle she's alive. Some old people cut the cheese so hard they blow up.

loserman67 35

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:51

it could have been worse - she could have sharted and ran

momobeans14 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:52

Hahahaha hilarious

8sq 13

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:02

Thank god it wasn't diarreha.

phoebe333 2

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:13

Clean up in isle 4. :)

Prolusive 5

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:33

Aisle agree with that... (pun intended)

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 63

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 227

Whoops

Bunch of Freeloaders...

Weird kid

Thanks, I hate it

Slow down

Bulk buying

Flipped the bird

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