Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let...

By nicknick2 - 18/5/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Extreme late fees

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - 12/4/2014 05:24 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

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By Heather - 31/5/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

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By ummPORQUE - 7/5/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

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By PureFallPain - 23/11/2019 20:00

He may be disappointed

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

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By Tagged - 13/9/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

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By shmelly - 16/4/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

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By Foufinator - 4/10/2009 19:33 - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 01:37 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

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By legotron - 17/10/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

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By UnluckyLatina - 22/4/2016 03:30 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2016 20:53 - United States - Central Islip

Today, the guy I've been crushing on at work finally asked me out to lunch. I was nervous we wouldn't have anything to talk about. He spent the entire hour talking about how amazing his new girlfriend is. FML

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By anonymous - 27/2/2012 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

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By Jules - 21/2/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

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By - 11/12/2018 22:00

Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 11:16 - United States - Woodinville

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

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By Ilovelife07 - 7/7/2019 02:00

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

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By Crabcake - 21/9/2017 19:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

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By vicgal - 14/8/2009 18:33 - Canada

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 20:00

Give me a break!!

Today, in an effort to avoid having the same break as my annoying coworker, I went a little earlier than I usually do. Guess who got moved to a position with an early break? She sat next to me. FML

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By Canceled Wedding - 25/5/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that because we made a mistake and applied for the wrong visa first, my fiancé probably can't fly into America to attend his own wedding. FML

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By wil - 25/4/2015 17:55 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

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By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - 29/1/2016 21:19 - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

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By Danielle - 22/8/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

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By WOWBear - 5/6/2013 09:46 - United States - Mesa

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

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By clayton - 28/7/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

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By yesnomaybeso7 - 12/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2014 16:30 - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

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By squeltorey - 3/8/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

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By wowawesome - 18/7/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

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By CathyMary - 20/8/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

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By mrmidi - 21/5/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

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Top comments

By ILoveEggnog | 7

#2530468 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

I always claim my farts.

By SmelloJello | 9

#2530588 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:24

After your mom stopped chewing you out, u shoulda just farted in her face and giggled.

COMMENTS

By amrik | 11

#2530465 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

you should never fart in front of your mom ever

shelbygordon44 | 7

#2530517 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:15

take pride in your farts.

muhaidib | 2

#2530771 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:53

at least they weren't sulfuric and makes you want to vomit as if he ate hard boiled rotten eggs... it could be worst

ChickenInMyKitch | 4

#2530854 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:05

^reference win!!

imacreeper | 3

#2531077 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:33

that was me.

SunDropGirl | 0

#2531155 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:46

28 I thought only burps could smell sulferic? I mean I know farts can be really bad! but sulferic?

EatnBeef | 7

#2531783 - Thursday 19 May 2011 4:45

farts are methane not sulfur. ( watch me get loads of thumbs down)

sterlingarcher | 1

#2532116 - Thursday 19 May 2011 6:11

hahaha omg I love walmart it's like THE store to do stupid stuff at :D

SuperAnthony | 7

#2537414 - Friday 20 May 2011 6:18

I just love how you described it...

"vicious."

goldneagle31 | 1

#2564385 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:31

They didn't say they "are sulfur," but egg farts have a tendency to smell like sulfur.

By ILoveEggnog | 7

#2530468 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

I always claim my farts.

iBanana | 17

#2531127 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:40

You name makes sense now.

ILoveEggnog | 7

#2531223 - Thursday 19 May 2011 0:16

Eggnog doesn't give me gas. Taco Bell on the other hand is quite deadly.

Tayman24 | 0

#2531308 - Thursday 19 May 2011 1:22

is it bad if this FML gave me a boner????!?

ILoveEggnog | 7

#2531356 - Thursday 19 May 2011 1:58

No.

seanders | 10

#2531748 - Thursday 19 May 2011 4:36

The thought of a cute girl blowing ass always makes me jizz in my pants.

kocoman500 | 2

#2531936 - Thursday 19 May 2011 5:17

LMFAO 89

zojieeu | 6

#2532014 - Thursday 19 May 2011 5:40

90 cause he has a dirty fetish of smelling cute girls farts :D

kingtz | 6

#2532419 - Thursday 19 May 2011 8:19

Which is ironic, because cute girls don't fart...

seanders | 10

#2534317 - Thursday 19 May 2011 18:22

Oh sweet you're from Ontario too 90. Maybe you can blow a few my way.:p

lis54 | 1

#2540680 - Saturday 21 May 2011 0:34

great thanks perv

By collegegirl87 | 0

#2530473 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

That is so embarrassing! FYL

alyslove | 5

#2532442 - Thursday 19 May 2011 8:42

"vicious farts"........ hahahahahahaha

XXizzlerXX | 0

#2616842 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:47

Ikr?! "vicious farts" hehe

By whiteboy7thst | 2

#2530487 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:13

guess you call that disOWNING...

myxcure | 2

#2531138 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:43

Guess not?

whiteboy7thst | 2

#2531174 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:52

And why is that

UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#2531250 - Thursday 19 May 2011 0:40

Uhm, sorry! Wasn't funny, thanks for trying though.

whiteboy7thst | 2

#2531252 - Thursday 19 May 2011 0:42

I know I failed

iAmScrubs | 19

#2531281 - Thursday 19 May 2011 0:59

^yes, the first step is admitting it.

whiteboy7thst | 2

#2531294 - Thursday 19 May 2011 1:08

I think I'm on the right track.

shelbygordon44 | 7

#2531564 - Thursday 19 May 2011 3:41

Way to accept defeat, Broseph.

xxlauruh | 0

#2532194 - Thursday 19 May 2011 6:39

what was your original thought in posting that?

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2530495 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:14

Why didn't you just say it was him? YDI.

whiteboy7thst | 2

#2530811 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:00

Because then it wouldn't be on FML. C'mon now.

Every1luvsfmls | 6

#2530929 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:13

chi nigr0

HikaruZanshii | 3

#2531876 - Thursday 19 May 2011 5:06

Lolol 30
Anyhow, if OP said it was her, it would be kind of impolite from her to accuse someone else even if it wasnt her cause any other ways, i guess her mom would've not believed her. T: on my opinion.