Miscellaneous: Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let...

By nicknick2 - 18/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 972

You deserved it 3 896

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Sorry…

Wrong place, wrong time

By retailshell - 28/01/2015 15:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 2 682

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/08/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 992

You deserved it 8 242

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 848

You deserved it 3 867

By anonymous - 13/07/2015 09:45 - China - Shanghai

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 869

You deserved it 2 051

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 771

You deserved it 7 124

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 91

Wrong place, wrong time

By Matthew - 10/03/2021 00:30

Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 105

By soreloser - 20/05/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 786

You deserved it 6 180

By Kilamo - 04/07/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 155

By blabla - 28/10/2011 13:30 - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 260

You deserved it 12 956

By mista_sandy - 11/04/2012 16:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 5 769

By parker1993 - 03/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 856

You deserved it 76 464

By sunny_ca559 - 03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 497

You deserved it 4 084

What do you want from me?

By charapos - 28/11/2021 08:01

Today, the person who I've asked to back off is still messaging me and making me more stressed out. I'm pretty sure he fancies me, but I'm asexual. This after he already promised to back off multiple times. I think I've got myself a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 179

By fataldisease - 11/12/2008 12:21 - France

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 959

You deserved it 7 528

By anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:07 - United States

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 324

You deserved it 1 954

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 214

You deserved it 1 904

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 4 203

By seriously - 20/04/2009 23:05 - Canada

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 482

You deserved it 5 326

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 2 436

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 99

By liz - 03/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 582

You deserved it 2 607

By Helpless - 16/12/2018 14:00

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 814

You deserved it 392

By aeris - 11/11/2018 09:30 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 594

You deserved it 411

By socially awkward - 10/03/2012 06:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 199

You deserved it 8 877

GHOSTS!

By fml_anon - 19/03/2016 08:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 049

You deserved it 4 229

F*** my overweight life

By Xibalba - 01/09/2020 14:02

Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 424

By hmdge1 - 10/06/2015 03:21 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 1 864

By Maruska28 - 07/09/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 886

You deserved it 400

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 092

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 118

Legend

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 05:59 - United States

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 125

By Blah - 02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 466

You deserved it 247

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 668

You deserved it 7 803

By JMU - 06/07/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 304

You deserved it 4 531

Dicks aplenty!

By pranksonpranks - 14/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 245

By hesgonnahateme - 06/06/2013 05:08 - United States - Benton

Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 589

You deserved it 3 384

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 08:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 767

You deserved it 3 287

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 3 348

By Kimberlie - 15/03/2011 09:23 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 195

You deserved it 4 850

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Top comments

ILoveEggnog 7

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

I always claim my farts.

SmelloJello 9

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:24

After your mom stopped chewing you out, u shoulda just farted in her face and giggled.

amrik 11

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

you should never fart in front of your mom ever

shelbygordon44 7

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:15

take pride in your farts.

muhaidib 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:53

at least they weren't sulfuric and makes you want to vomit as if he ate hard boiled rotten eggs... it could be worst

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:05

^reference win!!

imacreeper 3

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:33

that was me.

SunDropGirl 0

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:46

28 I thought only burps could smell sulferic? I mean I know farts can be really bad! but sulferic?

EatnBeef 7

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Thursday 19 May 2011 4:45

farts are methane not sulfur. ( watch me get loads of thumbs down)

sterlingarcher 1

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Thursday 19 May 2011 6:11

hahaha omg I love walmart it's like THE store to do stupid stuff at :D

SuperAnthony 7

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Friday 20 May 2011 6:18

I just love how you described it... "vicious."

goldneagle31 1

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:31

They didn't say they "are sulfur," but egg farts have a tendency to smell like sulfur.

ILoveEggnog 7

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

I always claim my farts.

iBanana 17

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:40

You name makes sense now.

ILoveEggnog 7

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Thursday 19 May 2011 0:16

Eggnog doesn't give me gas. Taco Bell on the other hand is quite deadly.

Tayman24 0

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Thursday 19 May 2011 1:22

is it bad if this FML gave me a boner????!?

ILoveEggnog 7

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Thursday 19 May 2011 1:58

No.

seanders 10

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Thursday 19 May 2011 4:36

The thought of a cute girl blowing ass always makes me jizz in my pants.

kocoman500 2

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Thursday 19 May 2011 5:17

LMFAO 89

zojieeu 6

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Thursday 19 May 2011 5:40

90 cause he has a dirty fetish of smelling cute girls farts :D

kingtz 6

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Thursday 19 May 2011 8:19

Which is ironic, because cute girls don't fart...

seanders 10

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Thursday 19 May 2011 18:22

Oh sweet you're from Ontario too 90. Maybe you can blow a few my way.:p

lis54 1

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Saturday 21 May 2011 0:34

great thanks perv

collegegirl87 0

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:11

That is so embarrassing! FYL

alyslove 5

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Thursday 19 May 2011 8:42

"vicious farts"........ hahahahahahaha

XXizzlerXX 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 6:47

Ikr?! "vicious farts" hehe

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:13

guess you call that disOWNING...

myxcure 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:43

Guess not?

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:52

And why is that

UnknwnClassicGrl 5

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Thursday 19 May 2011 0:40

Uhm, sorry! Wasn't funny, thanks for trying though.

whiteboy7thst 2

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Thursday 19 May 2011 0:42

I know I failed

iAmScrubs 19

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Thursday 19 May 2011 0:59

^yes, the first step is admitting it.

whiteboy7thst 2

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Thursday 19 May 2011 1:08

I think I'm on the right track.

shelbygordon44 7

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Thursday 19 May 2011 3:41

Way to accept defeat, Broseph.

xxlauruh 0

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Thursday 19 May 2011 6:39

what was your original thought in posting that?

Nikki_ASW 0

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 22:14

Why didn't you just say it was him? YDI.

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:00

Because then it wouldn't be on FML. C'mon now.

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 23:13

chi nigr0

HikaruZanshii 3

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Thursday 19 May 2011 5:06

Lolol 30 Anyhow, if OP said it was her, it would be kind of impolite from her to accuse someone else even if it wasnt her cause any other ways, i guess her mom would've not believed her. T: on my opinion.