Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came... - FML

By susiedoggles - 5/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2902

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Clocked

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By Sam - 1/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10752

You deserved it

58761

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10776

You deserved it

42191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46271

You deserved it

17163

Tweet

Share

By raynbowsend - 23/4/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54151

You deserved it

6599

Tweet

Share

By Bob - 21/1/2010 13:33 - Canada

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32756

You deserved it

2731

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 19:02 - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46682

You deserved it

4510

Tweet

Share

By EffinAhole - 3/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13042

You deserved it

36687

Tweet

Share

By MoRuined - 9/10/2014 10:27 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39138

You deserved it

3855

Tweet

Share

By CathyM - 27/9/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25795

You deserved it

2779

Tweet

Share

By stelno - 18/6/2009 13:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9633

You deserved it

64404

Tweet

Share

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9610

You deserved it

33118

Tweet

Share

By can't wait to go home - 10/6/2016 19:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13173

You deserved it

1956

Tweet

Share

By LeoCor - 27/8/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks

1995

You deserved it

105

Tweet

Share

By kbrider - 2/7/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47057

You deserved it

9143

Tweet

Share

By allwrong - 16/3/2010 10:27 - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33158

You deserved it

13225

Tweet

Share

By SoggyPancakes - 11/3/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33723

You deserved it

71559

Tweet

Share

By AprilFlowers - 1/12/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42019

You deserved it

7352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 05:19 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2210

You deserved it

258

Tweet

Share

By Crud - 6/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31835

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By OhDear - 25/5/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38313

You deserved it

4810

Tweet

Share

By reallyupset - 29/11/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32862

You deserved it

3523

Tweet

Share

By savanna - 3/5/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34203

You deserved it

4544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 04:00

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she asked me how I was doing. I replied, "Still alive!" like I always do. I forgot both of her parents recently passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

587

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24715

You deserved it

2415

Tweet

Share

By themonkeyman - 23/12/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13166

You deserved it

29423

Tweet

Share

By qwerty6 - 30/9/2009 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39231

You deserved it

5493

Tweet

Share

By Tyguy3000 - 19/6/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2079

You deserved it

2895

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 22:01

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1416

You deserved it

821

Tweet

Share

By solomantis - 30/7/2009 05:46 - Norway

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15870

You deserved it

50179

Tweet

Share

By kayt240 - 4/5/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47161

You deserved it

8062

Tweet

Share

By misopower - 25/7/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77948

You deserved it

9273

Tweet

Share

By sad guy - 26/4/2013 05:20 - United States

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58170

You deserved it

3091

Tweet

Share

By geeb - 23/2/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9548

You deserved it

36349

Tweet

Share

By Stung - 3/8/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51015

You deserved it

4222

Tweet

Share

By I don't want to be here anymore - 3/11/2014 21:16 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32680

You deserved it

3263

Tweet

Share

By MirandaKristine - 6/3/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Go forth and NOT multiply

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1252

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By royallymessedup - 21/8/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42530

You deserved it

7753

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 8/2/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36077

You deserved it

3810

Tweet

Share

By aces10 - 25/1/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44112

You deserved it

5565

Tweet

Share

By sadface - 3/2/2010 11:58 - France

Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32923

You deserved it

8944

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711627 - Saturday 20 October 2018 23:30

I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7711673 - Sunday 21 October 2018 3:51

Why would anyone brag about killing something

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711627 - Saturday 20 October 2018 23:30

I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7711673 - Sunday 21 October 2018 3:51

Why would anyone brag about killing something

Reply

loliloveoniichan | 12

#7719081 - Monday 5 November 2018 16:46

When I was a kid I used to brag when I killed lizards and animals like that, it was a amazing childhood xD. I still don't see the problem with killing a squirrel.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719238 - Monday 5 November 2018 22:51

Are you OP's boyfriend?

Reply

loliloveoniichan | 12

#7836094 - Saturday 24 August 2019 19:19

Nope , are you?

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7719050 - Monday 5 November 2018 15:39

This guy is one of the many reasons why the US needs gun control.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7719057 - Monday 5 November 2018 15:58

Does he use antlers in all of his decorating too?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7719232 - Monday 5 November 2018 22:40

If shooting innocent animals gets him excited, I think you need a new boyfriend.

By BeachMammal | 8

#7719356 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 5:38

There's something very wrong with him.

By Clay Baker | 3

#7721052 - Friday 9 November 2018 17:32

City folks don’t understand hunting you can’t just grab a squirrel u need to kill it and can’t leave it in the house they carry rabies

By Santorini Lawrencia | 19

#7723097 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 10:04

What is wrong with him?? Killing an innocent animal gives him pleasure?? How sick is he?