Love and Animals: Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came... - FML

By susiedoggles - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2928

You deserved it

289

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Do me a solid

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41422

You deserved it

8337

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54636

You deserved it

15850

Tweet

Share

By Tom - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50368

You deserved it

3572

Tweet

Share

By Mark - United States

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23408

You deserved it

74805

Tweet

Share

By Nightmares - United States

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32454

You deserved it

8217

Tweet

Share

By dtmfa - United States

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29952

You deserved it

4925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 08:00

Overdoing it

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1481

You deserved it

354

Tweet

Share

By Hoover

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was faking a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3826

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43323

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By Rhyno - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

307871

You deserved it

65479

Tweet

Share

By RonnieG - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46021

You deserved it

14044

Tweet

Share

By Jacquelinez - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27983

You deserved it

3096

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24628

You deserved it

3177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50509

You deserved it

7754

Tweet

Share

By iheartvodka - United States

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37575

You deserved it

6676

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - Switzerland - Geneve

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

13657

You deserved it

3356

Tweet

Share

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26154

You deserved it

2222

Tweet

Share

By khaoslife - United States - Louisville

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34129

You deserved it

2331

Tweet

Share

By DebbiemontG

Pay up, sunshine

Today, after a whole summer of waiting, I went to check my school's website so that I could start my first year again since I had some complications the first time round. I found out that they'd blocked my account and that the fee I'd have to pay was now triple the original. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1437

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3886

You deserved it

474

Tweet

Share

By Neglected - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50020

You deserved it

6221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36158

You deserved it

13677

Tweet

Share

By Winchesterlover - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35738

You deserved it

8825

Tweet

Share

By sisco2901 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35261

You deserved it

5279

Tweet

Share

By lonelyinlondon - Canada

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46653

You deserved it

3305

Tweet

Share

By IHateMyLife - 25/3/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

You mug

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

770

You deserved it

56

Tweet

Share

By its_all_legit - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18436

You deserved it

127539

Tweet

Share

By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9187

You deserved it

673

Tweet

Share

By ERnightmare - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3041

You deserved it

4063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8185

You deserved it

44903

Tweet

Share

By mylifeblows - United States

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

8463

Tweet

Share

By shyshy96679 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46002

You deserved it

3858

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30688

You deserved it

2442

Tweet

Share

By tantanpanda - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31385

You deserved it

1930

Tweet

Share

By RIP - United States - Lambertville

Troublemaker

Today at 10:00 pm, someone rang my doorbell 4 times, while I was sleeping. I thought it was an emergency and I opened the door to my neighbor who just want to ask if I had a blackout at noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1750

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Malpal - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10517

You deserved it

29517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27376

You deserved it

49645

Tweet

Share

By technical - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27878

You deserved it

2360

Tweet

Share

By Clumsy - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50456

You deserved it

5457

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2082

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711627 - Saturday 20 October 2018 23:30

I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7711673 - Sunday 21 October 2018 3:51

Why would anyone brag about killing something

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7711627 - Saturday 20 October 2018 23:30

I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7711673 - Sunday 21 October 2018 3:51

Why would anyone brag about killing something

Reply

loliloveoniichan | 12

#7719081 - Monday 5 November 2018 16:46

When I was a kid I used to brag when I killed lizards and animals like that, it was a amazing childhood xD. I still don't see the problem with killing a squirrel.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719238 - Monday 5 November 2018 22:51

Are you OP's boyfriend?

Reply

loliloveoniichan | 12

#7836094 - Saturday 24 August 2019 19:19

Nope , are you?

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7719050 - Monday 5 November 2018 15:39

This guy is one of the many reasons why the US needs gun control.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7719057 - Monday 5 November 2018 15:58

Does he use antlers in all of his decorating too?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7719232 - Monday 5 November 2018 22:40

If shooting innocent animals gets him excited, I think you need a new boyfriend.

By BeachMammal | 8

#7719356 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 5:38

There's something very wrong with him.

By Clay Baker | 3

#7721052 - Friday 9 November 2018 17:32

City folks don’t understand hunting you can’t just grab a squirrel u need to kill it and can’t leave it in the house they carry rabies

By Santorini Lawrencia | 19

#7723097 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 10:04

What is wrong with him?? Killing an innocent animal gives him pleasure?? How sick is he?