Miscellaneous: Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French... - FML

By daddyslittlegirl250 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

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Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Parental guilt

By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

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By poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

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By Jen

Throw the book at him

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

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By annika - 6/9/2020 08:07 - Canada

Meet the family

Today, I finally took the courage to introduce my ginger boyfriend to my family. It didn't go too well. My dad asked if he could call him "Ron Weasley" and my 13-year-old brother asked if he had a soul. Now I'm single again. FML

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By Sucks2beme

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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By Fuck irony - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

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By ImNotFat - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

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By orgasmicriding - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

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By uncoretard

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

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By polebitch49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

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By Like mother like daughter - United States - Aurora

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

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By Celluloid - United States

Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML

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By nicoleee - United States

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

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By Jesse - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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By apparentlyunattractive - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

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By je_regrette_tout - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

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By -__- - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

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By Anon - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

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By hendrixisgod86 - United States - Crestview

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

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By TGIkaty - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

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By Loveless

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

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By Dv0829 - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

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By anonymous - 17/7/2020 08:00

The apple of my eye

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Suffer little chives

Today, I found out where the puddle in the basement came from. I thought the freezer was broken, but no. My mom is running what can only be called a death camp for vegetables in there. She buys them, then forgets about them until they turn liquid. FML

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By Anony-moose - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

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By my bad - 24/9/2020 01:58 - United States

Brain fart

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By zks

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

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By dumbteacher

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

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By It was the 11 year old - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By Around - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

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By sunshinexx - Australia

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

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Top comments

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#170813 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

And your name is "daddyslittlegirl"... I really hope that was intentional and not just the worst irony in the world.
Anyway, YDI for trying to impress someone when you obviously didn't have a clue what you were doing. That's gotta be the one thing worse than trying to impress people in general - trying to impress them by *lying*.

By NeverLetHerGo | 0

#170798 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:32

LMFAO.
That's what you get for lying. YDI.

COMMENTS

By 1Tsk | 0

#170781 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:24

great job mister incest =D

Reply

RyanKaufman | 7

#738193 - Sunday 27 December 2009 2:55

Yeah YDI for being yet another dick trying to impress someone. Great job.

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1062064 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:25

good job. I bet she wants to blow you know.

Reply

owneditup | 0

#1392216 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:51

op is a girl...

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#1691060 - Saturday 13 November 2010 3:02

so what did he think?

Reply

VioletLife | 18

#3314174 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 3:16

LOL at OP's username

Reply

chillyCholo | 5

#3997180 - Sunday 5 February 2012 21:37

Obviously they know nothing about wincest

Reply

nic7973 | 23

#4049075 - Friday 17 February 2012 23:06

yup, ydi

By Fredzter | 0

#170790 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:28

Why is that a bad thing? It might have been a good movie?

By NeverLetHerGo | 0

#170798 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:32

LMFAO.
That's what you get for lying. YDI.

By ime_fml | 0

#170806 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:34

Lol at #2. Manon des Sources is really weird. I was thinking of Le Boum (I think that's the name)

Reply

Iellwen | 12

#3596724 - Thursday 17 November 2011 12:02

LA Boum is not really about incest but um... okay... :)

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#170813 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

And your name is "daddyslittlegirl"... I really hope that was intentional and not just the worst irony in the world.
Anyway, YDI for trying to impress someone when you obviously didn't have a clue what you were doing. That's gotta be the one thing worse than trying to impress people in general - trying to impress them by *lying*.

Reply

sochaboy | 0

#2072018 - Friday 11 February 2011 20:45

well played!

Reply

ImTheAlpha | 30

#4088478 - Saturday 25 February 2012 20:16

Yeah, trying to impress when you have no clue what yøu're doing will put you in a very, VERY awkward situation.

By Jasper_fml | 0

#170814 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

you idiot.

By a_little_priest | 0

#170815 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

LOL! "daddyslittlegirl"

Reply

Bobdoleomega | 0

#2741085 - Thursday 23 June 2011 8:20

how do you say that in French?

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2813462 - Sunday 3 July 2011 15:58

I would say "la petite fille de son père" loosely translated means daddy' s little girl

By Jimboom | 11

#170817 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

Game the whole family can play. ;-)

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#170821 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:44

that's what you get for having a big mouth.

By looneytaz4 | 0

#170822 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:45

maybe try and show some humility... especially if you don't know what you're talking about which I'm assuming you didn't