Miscellaneous: Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French... - FML

By daddyslittlegirl250 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

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There's no helping some people

Stay safe, everyone

Classic

By Applelover012 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

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By Weekdae - 9/12/2020 09:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Grammar police alert

Today, I found another comment online referencing, "Smoke weed everyday." With all due respect for smoking weed, when will people learn that "every" and "day" need to be two separate words in that context? This is seriously making it hard for me to focus on my work. FML

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By Stacy Dee - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

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By clarakipper - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

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By lolographic24 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

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By badhairday - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

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By poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

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By cartrouble - United States

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 14:01

Be the hero

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

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By fuckshit

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

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By Zibby

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

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By Too Many Credits

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

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By Nakdnathan - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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By lyssanthamum - United States

Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was an accident. FML

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By muggle68 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

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By numbnuts - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Maple

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

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By dumpedchick - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

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By feelinnauseous - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

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By jojolee68 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

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By Tucker - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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By DrunkenShopper - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

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By missinformed

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

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By GrannyAt22 - Canada

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

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By Samantha - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

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By Me. - United States

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

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By Babygirl - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eudora

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Nutty

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

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By AnalProbe

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

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By sdfsdf - United States

Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML

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By NotSoAnon - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

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By Embarrassed

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:58 - Canada - Markham

Keep your enemies closer

Today, the night before an exam, I found out my boyfriend of one and a half years was cheating on me with a girl who has the same name as me. Not only that, I ended up consoling her for hours as she cried over him. FML

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Top comments

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#170813 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

And your name is "daddyslittlegirl"... I really hope that was intentional and not just the worst irony in the world.
Anyway, YDI for trying to impress someone when you obviously didn't have a clue what you were doing. That's gotta be the one thing worse than trying to impress people in general - trying to impress them by *lying*.

By NeverLetHerGo | 0

#170798 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:32

LMFAO.
That's what you get for lying. YDI.

COMMENTS

By 1Tsk | 0

#170781 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:24

great job mister incest =D

Reply

RyanKaufman | 7

#738193 - Sunday 27 December 2009 2:55

Yeah YDI for being yet another dick trying to impress someone. Great job.

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1062064 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:25

good job. I bet she wants to blow you know.

Reply

owneditup | 0

#1392216 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:51

op is a girl...

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#1691060 - Saturday 13 November 2010 3:02

so what did he think?

Reply

VioletLife | 18

#3314174 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 3:16

LOL at OP's username

Reply

chillyCholo | 5

#3997180 - Sunday 5 February 2012 21:37

Obviously they know nothing about wincest

Reply

nic7973 | 23

#4049075 - Friday 17 February 2012 23:06

yup, ydi

By Fredzter | 0

#170790 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:28

Why is that a bad thing? It might have been a good movie?

By NeverLetHerGo | 0

#170798 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:32

LMFAO.
That's what you get for lying. YDI.

By ime_fml | 0

#170806 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:34

Lol at #2. Manon des Sources is really weird. I was thinking of Le Boum (I think that's the name)

Reply

Iellwen | 12

#3596724 - Thursday 17 November 2011 12:02

LA Boum is not really about incest but um... okay... :)

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#170813 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

And your name is "daddyslittlegirl"... I really hope that was intentional and not just the worst irony in the world.
Anyway, YDI for trying to impress someone when you obviously didn't have a clue what you were doing. That's gotta be the one thing worse than trying to impress people in general - trying to impress them by *lying*.

Reply

sochaboy | 0

#2072018 - Friday 11 February 2011 20:45

well played!

Reply

ImTheAlpha | 30

#4088478 - Saturday 25 February 2012 20:16

Yeah, trying to impress when you have no clue what yøu're doing will put you in a very, VERY awkward situation.

By Jasper_fml | 0

#170814 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

you idiot.

By a_little_priest | 0

#170815 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

LOL! "daddyslittlegirl"

Reply

Bobdoleomega | 0

#2741085 - Thursday 23 June 2011 8:20

how do you say that in French?

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2813462 - Sunday 3 July 2011 15:58

I would say "la petite fille de son père" loosely translated means daddy' s little girl

By Jimboom | 11

#170817 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:40

Game the whole family can play. ;-)

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#170821 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:44

that's what you get for having a big mouth.

By looneytaz4 | 0

#170822 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:45

maybe try and show some humility... especially if you don't know what you're talking about which I'm assuming you didn't