Love: Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a... - FML

By Oh_Well - 11/10/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 241

You deserved it 3 113

Compromises

Coherence dude, do you have it?

People are people

By Alex - 29/05/2017 16:00

Today my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 991

You deserved it 398

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 690

You deserved it 2 592

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 610

By sicksicksick - 19/06/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 542

You deserved it 3 667

By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 4 132

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 15 591

By Bacon0426 - 04/07/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 699

You deserved it 1 091

By bronieswillrule5eva - 11/06/2012 18:16 - Canada - Summerside

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 558

You deserved it 3 448

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 724

You deserved it 53 393

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 408

You deserved it 45 864

By Anonymous - 01/02/2015 10:21 - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 2 680

By gotthewrongman - 17/12/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 448

You deserved it 3 700

By some band player - 10/03/2014 02:09 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 218

You deserved it 4 596

Not the golden child

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 03:00 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, my father retired and made sure to buy both my younger sisters and their partners near new cars. Despite only one having a licence. Then bought the bare minimal definition of a "functioning" car for me, as compensation for paying off the family car on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 82

By Amy - 05/12/2013 05:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 990

You deserved it 5 248

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 242

By FuckYou - 02/07/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 53 908

By nothisfault - 05/12/2008 04:40 - France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 858

You deserved it 29 302

By emie0209 - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 376

You deserved it 6 502

By Bob - 27/09/2018 16:00 - United States - New Bedford

Today, after saving for months to have a few hundred bucks set aside, the government sent me a car tax bill from 2010. Yep, 8 years ago. They want the interest on the bill too. Broke again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 266

By disgusted - 16/03/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 2 128

By Wetarse - 15/03/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 4 384

By Anonymous - 24/03/2011 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 364

You deserved it 3 266

By Anonymous - 08/01/2013 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 895

You deserved it 8 701

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 833

You deserved it 38 209

By sarahijklmnop - 15/11/2012 01:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 046

You deserved it 2 005

By Adalia - 03/10/2009 15:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 749

You deserved it 39 338

By unmarried - 04/05/2016 00:39 - Canada - Weston

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 286

You deserved it 5 285

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 18:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 1 873

By Anonymous - 23/07/2010 00:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 755

You deserved it 16 823

Barfed out

By superbubbles - 23/03/2021 21:30 - Canada

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 06:28 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 1 925

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 191

By meesa in big doo do dis time! - 13/06/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 453

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 6 733

By imnotcool - 16/04/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 546

You deserved it 67 939

By shea234 - 20/02/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 8 656

Always proofread before sending

By ShortieRose - 28/05/2019 22:13

Today, I was texting with my close friend about her very sick father. She texted, "I hope he gets better" and I replied, "I hope he does." Autocorrect changed it to, "I hope he dies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 398

Hangry

By Jago - 12/08/2021 03:01

Today, I'm running so fucking low on money, I have to go to the supermarket to eat free bites of ham, cheese and whatever they have on their aisles for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 95

By FMyBrain - 06/06/2014 21:26 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 416

You deserved it 6 019

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:28

So I must wonder... is this his way of breaking up, or of saying "If we DO break up, I hope we can still be friends"? Because either way sounds valid to me.

Sweny 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:19

He just didnt want to hurt your feelings,should have just left it short and sweet

Comments

z321 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:18

AHHAHAHA. atleast you guys are still friends.

Intellectualist 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:40

They can, that is until they meet someone new and it crushes you all over again.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:45

That is completely untrue, #7. Every single ex-girlfriend I have and I are still great friends, and I'm currently in a relationship. And all my relationships are quite romantic.

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Monday 12 October 2009 15:17

There's nothing immature about not wanting to be friends with someone after a relationship. FML for having a boyfriend that dumped you but is trying to still be friends. Forget that.

Sweny 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:19

He just didnt want to hurt your feelings,should have just left it short and sweet

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:20

10/10 for honesty

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Sunday 11 October 2009 23:40

I guess he gets points for honesty, however it sounds like he gave her an effing speech that didn't sound like he was breaking up with her...just to end it with, "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends." That can suck quite a bit. Though it is better than him flat-out TRYING to be a jerk about it.

PeaceLove_Music 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:24

At least you still friends.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:28

So I must wonder... is this his way of breaking up, or of saying "If we DO break up, I hope we can still be friends"? Because either way sounds valid to me.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:35

bad timing on his part

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:46

don't date assholes. YDI

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:55

Breaking up with someone doesn't make you an asshole right off the bat.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:48

whats the FML in this? the best relationships are the ones where your partner is your best friend.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:51

Aw... That really sucks. But you'll find someone else

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Sunday 11 October 2009 20:58

So, can you?

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Sunday 11 October 2009 22:01

She had to put up with a long, tedious speech, and didn't even get a Starbucks cookie out of the deal!

XOfiestypixie 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 22:21

D= Oh no! no starbucks cookie?!

Ohnothingreally 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 22:28

Actually, you're right. No starbucks cookie? Forget the friendship.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Sunday 11 October 2009 22:55

You're right, she didn't. D: End all means of communication now, OP.

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Monday 12 October 2009 3:50

If he requested a downgrade from "girlfriend" to "friend", maybe she can counter with "fuck buddy."

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 295