Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding... - FML

By NewBride - 14/8/2013 17:39 - United States - Lincoln

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

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Nice neighborhood

Rich people problems

Abuse

By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

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By juliearis - 6/7/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By secretsant4 - 3/11/2017 14:00

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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By Jeff make - 1/4/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

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By breeeeeh - 21/6/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 06:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

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By Recluse - 21/11/2014 18:18

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

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By kelly - 21/3/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

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By sore - 19/4/2011 10:03 - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

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By disneyworld - 14/2/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

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By sgibson982136 - 3/6/2019 20:00

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

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By ally - 3/2/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

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By toothbreaker - 21/8/2019 16:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

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By AboutToBeHomeless - 3/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

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By zzyx - 22/9/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

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By lauziej93 - 10/11/2015 09:24 - Spain - Logro?o

Today, my mother-in-law became my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

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By Jess - 27/10/2015 20:16

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

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By Daemon - 27/10/2008 04:57 - France

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

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By nothisfault - 5/12/2008 04:40 - France

Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML

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By anonymous - 12/8/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

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By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

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By blue. - 19/5/2011 23:32

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

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By freshflowerz - 16/3/2018 00:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Cheesy.

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 16:20 - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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By IrisKitty - 18/8/2015 07:07 - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

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By healthfreak - 7/9/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

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By cheezeits - 26/10/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

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By teacher - 7/9/2014 21:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 20:00

Responsibilities

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

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By an egg - 30/10/2015 13:43 - United States - Livonia

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

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By Whoops - 2/11/2018 14:00

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

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By trojan72 - 13/6/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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By John - 1/4/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I attended a formal dinner with donors to my university. While looking at a much older lady's nametag to see who she was, I was publicly accused of looking at her breasts. Now a bunch of people I was supposed to impress think I'm a pervert. FML

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Top comments

By Trivision | 10

#5627804 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:11

Well shit.

By JustJumped | 22

#5627812 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:13

Surely someone had a tissue

COMMENTS

By Amb3rDucki3 | 12

#5627803 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:11

Worse things could have happened. That does suck tho, OP.

Reply

horne2 | 9

#5627905 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:53

I can't think of too many things that could have been worse.

Reply

katykoolcat | 13

#5627914 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:56

Thats actually very lucky apparently. Hope you have a great life together.

Reply

happle | 21

#5627928 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:05

Why didn't she clean it up right away?

Reply

Jake_Hale | 7

#5627947 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:18

She could play it off saying "oh my fiancé didn't clean up his mess last night ;)"

Reply

punkyboy | 11

#5627948 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:18

I'm glad first comment isn't someone saying that must have been a shitty situation.

Reply

Sfaizi24 | 17

#5627965 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:39

She could have been dumped.

Reply

Ins0mau | 20

#5628042 - Thursday 15 August 2013 3:03

The Earth could have been blown up by intergalactic terrorist aliens.

Reply

threer | 30

#5628190 - Thursday 15 August 2013 5:16

And of course #55 would be a guy. ;p

Reply

Miss_Latina | 13

#5628304 - Thursday 15 August 2013 7:42

At least it wasn't on her lips or in her mouth then she wouldn't even get kissed

Reply

PinkieKeen | 20

#5628310 - Thursday 15 August 2013 8:06

Why didn't you say anything, OP? ._.

Reply

missrebecca3 | 8

#5629343 - Thursday 15 August 2013 23:37

it's good luck for your marriage though, only positive I could think of

Reply

Kyp_kingofhearts | 12

#5629836 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:24

I agree with #128. Why didn't she just say something or clean it up. It's gross just to let shit sit in your cleavage for 30 freakin minutes.

Reply

cassie94_fml | 20

#5633080 - Sunday 18 August 2013 17:17

Well, her grooms mates could've put viagra in his drink like another recent FML had

By Trivision | 10

#5627804 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:11

Well shit.

Reply

horne2 | 9

#5627910 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:54

Looks like op was in a pretty stinky situation

Reply

Jake_Hale | 7

#5627950 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:19

I know right? What a shitty situation.

Reply

punkyboy | 11

#5627956 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:23

57- wow you are the one millionth person on fml to use the shitty situation pun congratulations.

Reply

adamo_erebus | 25

#5627973 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:44

Looks like the OP had a shitty day.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5628075 - Thursday 15 August 2013 3:42

64- you're not any better...

Reply

trollololulz | 2

#5628259 - Thursday 15 August 2013 6:42

when will people learn the difference between a pun and a play on words?

Reply

PuggieKid | 22

#5628287 - Thursday 15 August 2013 7:23

Never

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5629820 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:14

#121 - Umm…isn't that exactly what a pun is, a play on words?

By Crometer | 23

#5627809 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:12

That must've felt and smelled horrible, congrats on your marriage though :)

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5628045 - Thursday 15 August 2013 3:06

It just seems like one tiny bump on a great road. It'll be a funny memory someday. Congratulations!

Reply

cosicosei | 22

#5632727 - Sunday 18 August 2013 9:23

I've heard that if a bird poops on you it's good luck!!

By beclaurela | 16

#5627810 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:12

I do think it could've been worse. At least it made for a speedy ceremony?

Reply

M3DIC4T3 | 29

#5628076 - Thursday 15 August 2013 3:46

The poop could have splattered all over her face, or down the front all over her dress, could have landed all over what I'm sure was her expensive hairstyle... The possibilities are endless.

Reply

CobraLazerFace | 21

#5628258 - Thursday 15 August 2013 6:39

Or the bird itself could of flown between here cleavage.

By JustJumped | 22

#5627812 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:13

Surely someone had a tissue

Reply

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5627817 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:14

one would think.

Reply

lexa1love | 16

#5627846 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:26

Seriously! The maid of honor or someone should has stepped over and did it quickly. I couldn't imagine just standing there with it.

Reply

MikeonFML | 17

#5627920 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:00

I can honestly say I would wipe this off immediately were I in this situation...it's 5 seconds of disruption for comfort the entire rest of the ceremony. Only if she was trying to hide it would I see this as a good decision.

Reply

Olympiakos10 | 15

#5628179 - Thursday 15 August 2013 5:07

Well it is white so it blends in with the dress.

Reply

MeowZebraMeow | 7

#5628306 - Thursday 15 August 2013 7:52

I hope you left it. It could have been your "something new".

By thatnucca | 36

#5627814 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:13

Liquid missiles at their finest...

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#5627975 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:46

Must have been some shot eh?

By phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5627815 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Narcoterrorist | 6

#5627851 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:27

This makes approximately zero fucking sense.

Reply

vipirius | 18

#5627881 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:40

I think 7 meant to say that she will get to have slutty marriage sex afterwards so not everything is bad. I'm only %69 sure though.

Reply

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5628093 - Thursday 15 August 2013 4:02

How the hell did that relate to the FML?

Reply

Jezzikah | 11

#5628204 - Thursday 15 August 2013 5:28

Maybe he meant like fecalfelia (sp?) Sex and bird poop combined? :p

Reply

lwonderful | 11

#5628213 - Thursday 15 August 2013 5:42

This makes absolutely no fucking sense

Reply

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#5628226 - Thursday 15 August 2013 5:52

How can it be approximately and absolutely?

Reply

TecheyTim | 14

#5629086 - Thursday 15 August 2013 20:07

I don't know where you come from...But here in the UK, shitting on someone's tits doesn't count a sex......

Just saying

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#5627816 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:13

I think people would have understood you taking a moment to wipe it off, so you could give your fiance all of your attention on such a special day

By frustratedcelt | 18

#5627818 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:14

Think of it as a blessing, it is supposed to bring incredibly good luck!

By noreallywhat | 17

#5627819 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:14

should have called a time out YDI

Reply

Trivision | 10

#5627859 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:32

I don't think there are "time-outs" in weddings...

Reply

Trivision | 10

#5627863 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:34

Sports? Maybe. Weddings? NO.

Reply

Trivision | 10

#5627896 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:48

Why yes, yes there is. :/

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5627917 - Thursday 15 August 2013 0:57

With weddings, you get to spike your balls afterwards.

Reply

jondivey | 9

#5627981 - Thursday 15 August 2013 1:48

#26 Not if you drink powerthirst.