Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour...

By Rainman - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46729

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14259

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Miscellaneous

Deadly cocktail

Freshman blues

Official meeting

By sexyyy - Belgium

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28662

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5088

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By secretsmakefriends - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51635

You deserved it

5150

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 14:07

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

686

You deserved it

985

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5443

You deserved it

9386

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27614

You deserved it

3916

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By Nobody - United States

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10155

You deserved it

58303

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28060

You deserved it

46459

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By highschoolnobody - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44449

You deserved it

2924

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By carla - France

Odorama

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19489

You deserved it

10561

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28120

You deserved it

8588

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30020

You deserved it

2773

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By Penny - 18/1/2020 20:00

Animated movies

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

429

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By "lk07" - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3553

You deserved it

315

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By funyfunkid - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10107

You deserved it

47743

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By CityBoysNow - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59449

You deserved it

13186

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By really mature, GRAN - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39273

You deserved it

3028

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By lessimportantthanatable - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4633

You deserved it

939

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By yen

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2790

You deserved it

1066

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By AloneAtPerkins - 14/6/2020 05:04

Forever alone, forever

Today, I realized that I've only had 3 men show interest in me: A blind man, a drunk, and a guy so desperate, he's been trying for over 5 years of solid "No"s. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1184

You deserved it

328

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13549

You deserved it

1015

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By Anonymous

Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3369

You deserved it

725

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By B - Netherlands

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31125

You deserved it

9847

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By hmacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5458

You deserved it

501

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Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4065

You deserved it

284

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By Droolgirl - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20139

You deserved it

46369

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By Mandy - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54595

You deserved it

24604

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By nocat6 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39062

You deserved it

3053

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By DietKelp - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27440

You deserved it

1955

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By princess_stabitty - 1/8/2020 08:01

Jealousy

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

155

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By Sleeping moody - United States - Hollywood

Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM

I agree, your life sucks

18311

You deserved it

1037

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By heronlydaughter - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30355

You deserved it

4167

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By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32333

You deserved it

14751

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By WhiteLiar - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36140

You deserved it

2708

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17152

You deserved it

36533

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By toolateabuckshort

I agree, your life sucks

3235

You deserved it

1842

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Targeted

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1220

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 17:00

Baller

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

149

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By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3760

You deserved it

6153

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By Craig Thompson - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4008

You deserved it

761

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By Dr.Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41245

You deserved it

3756

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Top comments

By ZeldasSage | 0

#305375 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:58

Aww that sucks! Should've checked the weather forecast, though. =/

By paperfox_fml | 0

#305439 - Monday 15 June 2009 1:08

Yeah, it's such fucking hard work holding a hose for 10 minutes.

COMMENTS

By artcgirl | 0

#305371 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:57

1st! and ouch...

TylerAnderson98 | 10

#4512873 - Saturday 2 June 2012 19:19

Ugly ass bitch

Jiplo | 18

#5477401 - Saturday 4 May 2013 2:53

Comment moderated.

By ZeldasSage | 0

#305375 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:58

Aww that sucks! Should've checked the weather forecast, though. =/

cheerthefkupism | 0

#315302 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 21:53

Agreed. :)

Weather channel?

albert17 | 0

#884749 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 8:39

hell even a computer wouldve given you the weather forecast

abcnonamecba | 0

#1037216 - Sunday 20 June 2010 16:39

that would be silly XD

militarybrat | 21

#5585650 - Thursday 18 July 2013 3:43

Uh weather forecasts aren't 100%. A better thing to say was look at the clouds. Dark means heavy with water.

By jimmyh250 | 0

#305380 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:59

ahaa nice!!

By BAbyR | 0

#305381 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:59

and thats why you wait.
or next time check the weather.

By SluttyMcNugget | 0

#305383 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:59

OOOOH!! Your life is fucked forever...

By randomxtremely | 0

#305385 - Monday 15 June 2009 0:59

aw~the stupid weather channel lies~although that doesn't have anything to do with this. Hey, at least your plants didn't all die

By imtheman920 | 0

#305391 - Monday 15 June 2009 1:00

YDI. Check the weather forecast. Did you also get your car washed today as well?

By SP63_fml | 0

#305395 - Monday 15 June 2009 1:01

Reminds me of the time that I heard that one of my colleagues wasn't coming to work, so I did all of his work for him so we wouldn't fall behind. 30 minutes later, guess who shows up?

By irishlassie731 | 0

#305411 - Monday 15 June 2009 1:03

Check the weather forecast. Duh.

By kira1kira | 0

#305412 - Monday 15 June 2009 1:03

Hey! It not as cool as the rain man, u can't have that name