Love: Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see...

By vargasm - 18/01/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 3 624

Love

Age difference

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Noise annoys

By well i'm fucked - 03/02/2014 22:47 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 080

You deserved it 6 829

By Pee.H.D - 02/05/2016 17:24 - United States - Fontana

Today, since I always fall asleep in class, I decided not to go to the bathroom beforehand, hoping the sensation to pee would keep me awake. I ended up falling asleep and wetting myself in the middle of the lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 777

You deserved it 7 199

By 2young4birds&bees - 24/10/2016 15:53

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 697

You deserved it 708

By me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 384

You deserved it 2 690

By CA19oo - 20/03/2012 01:03 - United States - Buford

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 679

You deserved it 2 062

By ouch - 24/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Sterling

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 269

You deserved it 3 295

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 9 752

By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 393

You deserved it 7 345

By teea - 15/11/2012 23:34 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 397

You deserved it 2 554

By GopherJR - 19/01/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 786

You deserved it 2 395

By mariokarter - 28/08/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 547

You deserved it 6 968

By Anonymous - 01/02/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 511

You deserved it 7 171

By Loopylogo - 10/01/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 605

You deserved it 511

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 115

By Sola - 11/05/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 082

You deserved it 5 039

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 1 796

Gentle

By Ash_The_Unicorn - 20/08/2020 14:05

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 423

By Chels - 18/08/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 841

You deserved it 3 096

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 04:35 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 101

You deserved it 5 877

By xXWhiteSheepXx - 08/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 700

You deserved it 2 403

Main attraction

By kcountry92 - 01/10/2021 22:01 - United States - Archie

Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 58

By puggles - 03/01/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 593

You deserved it 7 731

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 2 813

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 12 124

By awkwardparents - 06/08/2012 08:13 - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 742

You deserved it 4 152

By Cat - 13/06/2010 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 4 193

By it'sabitwindy - 09/12/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 498

You deserved it 3 153

By jeremyr5678 - 18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 4 525

By fuck my eyeballs - 01/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 22 202

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 246

You deserved it 3 044

By vikingunicorn - 03/02/2011 12:52 - Canada

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 946

You deserved it 3 463

By someone - 09/12/2013 12:59 - United States - Mogadore

Today, my car broke down. I pulled to the side of the road to call a tow truck. After waiting what seemed like hours, the tow truck showed up, and then ran into the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 2 852

By ForeverAlone - 03/02/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 768

You deserved it 355

By lostmystuff - 07/07/2013 06:35 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 624

You deserved it 25 089

By Anonymous - 14/07/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 03:15 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 20 460

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 257

You deserved it 3 717

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 2 909

By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 318

You deserved it 40 584

By boostedsaab - 05/02/2010 05:35 - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 630

You deserved it 4 470

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Top comments

JFox 8

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Sunday 8 March 2009 3:42

Wait! She could've wanted to fix her hair, adjust her bra, eat some popcorn, etc.. I mean, at least she didn't just immediately pull away from you. Don't get discouraged just yet.

Rainbowsareshiny 0

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Friday 13 February 2009 23:38

um. well maybe she didn't want to be too harsh so she figured saying it like that would lighten up the mood. and i agree, holding hands can be weird/uncomfortable...especially on a first date.

Rainbowsareshiny 0

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Friday 13 February 2009 23:38

um. well maybe she didn't want to be too harsh so she figured saying it like that would lighten up the mood. and i agree, holding hands can be weird/uncomfortable...especially on a first date.

JFox 8

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Sunday 8 March 2009 3:42

Wait! She could've wanted to fix her hair, adjust her bra, eat some popcorn, etc.. I mean, at least she didn't just immediately pull away from you. Don't get discouraged just yet.

bagginzy 14

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Sunday 7 November 2010 22:03

jfox is right, it doesnt mean she doesnt like holding your hand. she kinda needs her hand and would like to eat popcorn, take a drink, etc. it doesn't mean anything bad.

RebeccaRFT 18

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Monday 9 March 2015 23:19

Don't give OP false hope. The girl was polite about it. Don't keep making moves on her when it's clear she doesn't want you to make a move.

Qw3RtY_fml 0

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Saturday 21 March 2009 22:14

At least you had the courage to do it.... I havent done anything to this girl I like... We've been hanging out for 6 months...

jiimbo344 0

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 7:31

Try something man I know it's easier said then done I'm kinda in the same boat

FiasCudi 0

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Thursday 19 January 2012 4:51

#27 I agree. I was in that boat too with a girl I really liked, and when I went for it she said no. But u have to take risks like that cause they're a part of life and now that girl and I are still great (if not better) friends, so it's always worth it to try.

BayArea 1

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Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:49

rofl.. i dont hold hands either.. kinda coolio though lol

24788 6

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Friday 1 May 2009 7:41

Lol, can I have my hand back? That's so weird that she said that.

Roddsy 0

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Tuesday 5 May 2009 1:57

.. um, she could have just have asked you to go as a friend you know ¬¬; and #7, weird as in the phrase or..? ;s im confused. well, cause i've heard it before so it's not weird in that sense lols. likee, ums what was it. the day after tomorrow. ;]

breadonabun 0

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Wednesday 27 May 2009 1:46

Keep your head up. I went to the movies and made a move on a girl I liked for a while. Mean while she was mouthing to her friend "help me!". Yea fml but now that girls my gf.