Animals: Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died,... - FML

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 487

You deserved it 2 599

Triage

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Let it all hang out

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 007

You deserved it 21 525

By forever single, I guess - 15/03/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 3 410

By tannarox - 28/01/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 718

You deserved it 2 537

By Anonymous - 25/03/2015 12:23 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 263

You deserved it 2 262

By Jeimaiku - 27/09/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 066

You deserved it 2 724

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 06:12

Today, during a driving lesson, I accidentally rear-ended a BMW at a traffic light. The number plate was "Law Man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 377

By Emil - 20/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 058

You deserved it 89 976

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 4 011

Fatherly pride

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 14:01

Today, my wife insisted we start a college fund for our son, even though from where we were sat in the kitchen, we could clearly see him eating ice cream he'd just dropped on the floor, while picking at his belly button. He’s 13. College, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 277

Ouch

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 06:08 - United States

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 817

You deserved it 36 968

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 79

By waterspike - 29/01/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 9 931

By UNmarried - 31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 761

You deserved it 4 147

By nabru - 06/07/2018 15:00

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 670

You deserved it 288

By Scared - 13/07/2019 02:30

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 2 412

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 566

By EKG - 11/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 653

You deserved it 2 582

By wetdreams - 05/02/2012 00:35 - Canada

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 091

You deserved it 3 180

Libel

By Anonymous - 17/07/2020 14:00

Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 175

Weirded out

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she is breaking up with me for my friend, because she likes people with diaper fetishes. I had no clue either of them liked that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 76

By fucking hell my eyes burn - 23/05/2014 22:46 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 240

You deserved it 5 966

TMI

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 08:05 - Australia

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said, "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 607

You deserved it 13 452

By Tenniemo - 20/06/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 687

You deserved it 195

It's not

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 16:02

Today, it's my birthday, none of my friends wished me a thing. I spent the whole day crying and then decided to call few of them and sobbingly demanded an explanation. Most of them didn't pick up, the rest called me a drama queen, saying that my birthday isn't as important as I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 1 324

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 999

You deserved it 47 902

By lm - 20/05/2009 20:49 - Ireland

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 595

You deserved it 3 974

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 4 852

By Fauxgeek - 28/06/2016 01:29

Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 309

You deserved it 3 360

By cantcloselegs - 20/10/2013 12:39 - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 778

You deserved it 6 132

By animal lover... - 05/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 817

You deserved it 4 026

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 7 762

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/05/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 239

You deserved it 5 616

By skichick54 - 24/08/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 235

You deserved it 3 716

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 36 489

By TriedToHelp - 02/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 30/04/2015 02:08 - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 919

You deserved it 3 563

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 492

You deserved it 4 967

By tacky_unrefined - 16/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 417

You deserved it 4 065

By marisacb - 13/03/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 237

You deserved it 7 694

By jobless - 30/06/2019 22:01

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 458

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:23

You should keep dropping hints about how this one dog looks particularly like your old one until they confess.

SunnyUserName123 5

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:23

Get him back

Comments

SunnyUserName123 5

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:23

Get him back

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Sunday 21 August 2011 13:20

I didn't think a dog could stay in a shelter that long, I thought the got euthanized after like a month or two

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Sunday 21 August 2011 13:55

Some shelters are a no kill shelter, meaning they don't euthanize the animals

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Sunday 21 August 2011 14:17

ya as 29 said sone shelters don't kill. the shelter where I got my cats both of my cats had been there almost a year.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 15:32

how can you know its hers? it can be whatever other dog that looks exactly like her old one...

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Sunday 21 August 2011 18:07

If that was me I'd do anything to get my dog back

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Sunday 21 August 2011 18:57

What if it had a distinction? Like a scar, or it recognized him?

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Sunday 21 August 2011 19:15

Most dogs don't look exactly alike, and when you own a dog, and lose it, and then see it again, you just know it.

tona01 16

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Sunday 21 August 2011 19:24

And the dog recognizes the master

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Sunday 21 August 2011 19:52

an animal is like your family member, I'm pretty sure op would notice if the dog was ops or not.. I take it you've never had a sincere pet b4.

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Monday 22 August 2011 2:03

They could have dumped the dog and it just recently was taken to the shelter by someone else.

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Monday 22 August 2011 8:21

-80 You are extremely right. and, Id bring it home and be like "Hey, look what I found!" :P Id pay money to see their face. :3

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Tuesday 13 October 2015 15:50

I have two dogs, and if one of them went missing, I'm 100% sure I could recognize him a year later.

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Wednesday 22 June 2016 23:29

just like you can tell your children apart from others, a person can tell their dog apart from others.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:23

You should keep dropping hints about how this one dog looks particularly like your old one until they confess.

MagicallyFat 12

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Sunday 21 August 2011 13:53

Or run away and leave a suicide note saying how this one dog looked like your old one and you can't stand it anymore

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Sunday 21 August 2011 15:50

Malke ur parents pay for him or her again

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:06

my brain done did grow three sizes after readin that! my eyeballs hert!

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Sunday 21 August 2011 18:28

A sense of humor: consider getting one.

KendalKeller 3

Monday 22 August 2011 0:20

It was a joke.

UsernameUnknown 7

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:28

Get him and go home and say "he came from the dead".

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:22

Tell your new employer about this. Usually people have to leave their names when dropping off an animal. If your employer is heartless then you should adopt your dog back and move out the first chance you get.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 22:21

Zombie Dog.

zombiekiller52 24

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 15:17

Coming to AMC this fall The Walking Dog

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:28

don't take him back to your parents or anything. try to find him a good home so he wont end up back in a shelter. poor thing

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:30

Look at the bright side, he didn't die.

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Thursday 15 December 2011 14:36

I agree!

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:28

Bring the dog back home!

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:30

It must be fate. I guess "the truth came out." your parents need a lesson.

BelleBelle_fml 11

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:32

What is with all these parents hating/getting rid of their children's pets, and then lying to them about it? Parents are supposed to be an example, but all these parents are just teaching their kids it's ok to lie.

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Sunday 21 August 2011 17:26

My parents didn't lie to me, they told me they were doing it, and with not much warning. I miss my Sasha sausagehead.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:33

Only one word ... AWKWARD...

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Sunday 21 August 2011 15:08

Wait, you're talking about your face, right?

hImAnAm3iZsUzi3 0

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Monday 22 August 2011 0:24

What's up with the pic....

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Monday 22 August 2011 3:22

Yes, yes you are.

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:43

Liar.

xlord 27

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Sunday 21 August 2011 12:47

Who let the dog out?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 261

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 194