By fishyrael

The Rainbow Bridge

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2130

You deserved it

160

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Instadrama

Serious times

Time for the ER

By Drew

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2658

You deserved it

103

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By superclutz - United States

Oh, hello…

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37365

You deserved it

21085

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By thatstinks - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30424

You deserved it

2955

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By TheEnglishOne - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66686

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8636

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By Anonymous

Caddy Shack

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1335

You deserved it

146

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By Jen

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40799

You deserved it

6306

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By PeeEverywhere

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15521

You deserved it

1378

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By myles bevan - United Kingdom

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12104

You deserved it

39827

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By Gamergirl137 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24403

You deserved it

2570

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By I hear everything...

Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4002

You deserved it

281

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By girl_what

Today, my parents informed me that my dad is leaving my mom and moving to Florida from New York tomorrow. I just spent $300 on a new crossbow for his birthday, which is tomorrow, in hopes that he would spend more time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3118

You deserved it

194

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28468

You deserved it

18456

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By irishbabycakes - United States

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33203

You deserved it

5934

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Don't stop now!

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1067

You deserved it

140

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By Anonymous

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

254

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By musicgod123 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9076

You deserved it

44348

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By RandomMe - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17629

You deserved it

11862

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By Dixienornous - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my wallet got stolen. I don't have a photo ID to get a temporary debit card, and since I don't have a debit card, I can't go to the DMV to get a new license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14044

You deserved it

1147

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By GarageSallin

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43355

You deserved it

3868

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By Churizmo - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51614

You deserved it

5437

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By charitableidiot - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23497

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42769

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2021 22:58

Worth it

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1285

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By forever single, I guess - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37659

You deserved it

3406

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By Gay younger brother

About that...

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4488

You deserved it

483

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By Anonymous

Bad friends

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2364

You deserved it

281

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-hubert

Good tasting

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1960

You deserved it

741

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By Lunar-Spice - 7/11/2020 23:02

Happens at all ages

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

677

You deserved it

216

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By so racist - 25/6/2020 02:02

No, of course she's not…

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2155

You deserved it

264

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By can't breathe - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33380

You deserved it

3949

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By PetitPrincePerdu - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61785

You deserved it

5046

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend got heartburn. She started freaking out, convinced she was having a heart attack. Five hours and an ambulance later, we finally left the ER with a diagnosis of 'too many hot dogs.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

3815

You deserved it

434

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By brinn - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29842

You deserved it

9734

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30640

You deserved it

8415

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By all by myself - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41654

You deserved it

3753

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By Mal2222 - United States

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15248

You deserved it

35068

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By CaoNiMa - China

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29775

You deserved it

74700

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By diapermommy - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16960

You deserved it

46343

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8725

You deserved it

45932

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25751

You deserved it

12612

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By worthless - United States

Downhill

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33959

You deserved it

19287

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7855410 - Thursday 31 October 2019 2:28

"Perfect time to buy a new one!"

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855489 - Thursday 31 October 2019 9:35

Don't feel bad. You weren't to know. Unless you're the world's only genuine psychic, in which case shame on you.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7855410 - Thursday 31 October 2019 2:28

"Perfect time to buy a new one!"

Mathalamus | 24

#7855448 - Thursday 31 October 2019 6:33

No.

DKING123456789 | 16

#7855454 - Thursday 31 October 2019 7:19

Yes.

TomeDr | 21

#7855548 - Thursday 31 October 2019 12:02

Pretty insensitive thing to say when someone is grieving.

RichardPencil | 30

#7855693 - Friday 1 November 2019 1:14

Marketing is not for the faint of heart.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855489 - Thursday 31 October 2019 9:35

Don't feel bad. You weren't to know. Unless you're the world's only genuine psychic, in which case shame on you.

fishyrael | 28

#7855516 - Thursday 31 October 2019 10:32

I know, but I have genuinely never wanted to just walk into traffic more haha. Poor guy. To make it even worse, the bench he was sitting out was right outside the strip's liquor store.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855697 - Friday 1 November 2019 1:38

He was at a strip mall? You didn't see two of him talking to some Japanese dudes, did you?

By KerbalTubeHD | 5

#7877732 - Tuesday 28 January 2020 12:05