By fishyrael

The Rainbow Bridge

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2105

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158

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Messed up

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Optimism

By mylifesucks - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32862

You deserved it

5241

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By jen - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7706

You deserved it

27746

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By Deaf - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38181

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1825

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 04:02 - Japan - Okayama

Can't buy me love

Today, I realized while paying bills on my phone I fat-fingered which credit card I was paying and sent 299 to a paid-off card instead of 200 to another one. Now I'm going to have overdraft fees too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

541

You deserved it

358

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By MUemma - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14799

You deserved it

48102

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By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45534

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5527

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By John - United States

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

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31015

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3411

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 20:00

Big Brother

Today, I was accused of "spying too much" on what my coworkers are writing about Covid-19 on the news site I work for. I'm one of the supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

151

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34158

You deserved it

5527

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By Dat Stanky Mouf - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34161

You deserved it

3584

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By ug - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

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53631

You deserved it

4526

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By NoMeatFail - Canada

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16891

You deserved it

55099

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By Zak - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26132

You deserved it

3416

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By Anonymous - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

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61926

You deserved it

3938

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By Oh really - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23732

You deserved it

2292

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26645

You deserved it

5771

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By Shuntbob - United States - Herriman

Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes, I could choose where to eat tonight. My stepmother told him I wanted to eat at IKEA, of all places, because that's what she wanted. Guess who he believed, and guess where I am right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5489

You deserved it

345

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By DemonicDummy

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10564

You deserved it

2649

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By GottaGetOuttaHere

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2376

You deserved it

181

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By Dinho - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49990

You deserved it

6628

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By babymomma - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56932

You deserved it

5623

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

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40155

You deserved it

8355

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By marge1010 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

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63836

You deserved it

9972

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30440

You deserved it

7145

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By itwaswarm - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26422

You deserved it

1736

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By tattooapprentice

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2711

You deserved it

407

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By Alec - United States

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17975

You deserved it

38053

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By bunny - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66132

You deserved it

4976

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46922

You deserved it

6461

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By fmfb - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook and changed our relationship status to single just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43535

You deserved it

6246

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Chill out, dude

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7041

You deserved it

532

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By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46935

You deserved it

6249

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By Anonymous - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46422

You deserved it

3409

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By Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47064

You deserved it

5460

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By draggirl - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35443

You deserved it

4328

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By I hate games - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

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23959

You deserved it

5163

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By advanced history teacher - United States - Phoenix

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37213

You deserved it

4097

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By bedrockmike - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10538

You deserved it

19408

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By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37582

You deserved it

4182

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10159

You deserved it

46790

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7855410 - Thursday 31 October 2019 2:28

"Perfect time to buy a new one!"

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855489 - Thursday 31 October 2019 9:35

Don't feel bad. You weren't to know. Unless you're the world's only genuine psychic, in which case shame on you.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7855410 - Thursday 31 October 2019 2:28

"Perfect time to buy a new one!"

Mathalamus | 24

#7855448 - Thursday 31 October 2019 6:33

No.

DKING123456789 | 16

#7855454 - Thursday 31 October 2019 7:19

Yes.

TomeDr | 21

#7855548 - Thursday 31 October 2019 12:02

Pretty insensitive thing to say when someone is grieving.

RichardPencil | 28

#7855693 - Friday 1 November 2019 1:14

Marketing is not for the faint of heart.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855489 - Thursday 31 October 2019 9:35

Don't feel bad. You weren't to know. Unless you're the world's only genuine psychic, in which case shame on you.

fishyrael | 28

#7855516 - Thursday 31 October 2019 10:32

I know, but I have genuinely never wanted to just walk into traffic more haha. Poor guy. To make it even worse, the bench he was sitting out was right outside the strip's liquor store.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855697 - Friday 1 November 2019 1:38

He was at a strip mall? You didn't see two of him talking to some Japanese dudes, did you?

By KerbalTubeHD | 5

#7877732 - Tuesday 28 January 2020 12:05