Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML
Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Pleonasm 35
I was going to make a Bloody Mary joke, but you already have it covered in your name... And to think, I'd put all my blood, snot and tears into these puns!
Pleonasm 35
It blows that you can't even make a pun these days without people screaming bloody murder. Anyone have a tissue, because this is really tearing me apart! God only nose how picky the people can be around here; I wish they'd booger off and let the crusts fall where they may.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
RedPillSucks 31
Blood Snot and Tears. Sounds like a good band name.
djinnyf 12
What a bad day! Poor thing!! xx
unixdude 9
Well, stop going to church. You can practice Bronze Age superstition from home.
Fedezzer 20
Apparently it's in the Bible that God didn't want any houses of worship and that he'd prefer if everyone worshiped him personally. So churches are allegedly against Christianity.
ulissey_fml 22
I think your body might be trying to tell you something.Do you go because it makes you feel good, or because you think you have to?
sdahl1113 4
Sounds like a bad day. I'm sorry OP.
BlueRhinoceros 4
Bloody hell.
Fedezzer 20
I guess it's just 'God's way of telling you' to go home.
Kc1001 14
I'm sorry OP but that is funny. You'll laugh about it later on.
CaptMurdock 25
How is that funny at all? I'd probably cry.
tknds4 6
Blood, Snot and Tears. Good band.
CaptMurdock 25
Somebody clearly already said that.
writerchic85 25
He's been washed in the blood