Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML
Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 35
I was going to make a Bloody Mary joke, but you already have it covered in your name... And to think, I'd put all my blood, snot and tears into these puns!
Pleonasm 35
It blows that you can't even make a pun these days without people screaming bloody murder. Anyone have a tissue, because this is really tearing me apart! God only nose how picky the people can be around here; I wish they'd booger off and let the crusts fall where they may.
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Comments (66)
erikapg 12
Well that escalated quickly
Deviant_fml 5
**** you.
Jakespeed207 4
It's ok, OP, I'm allergic to church too. As soon as the bullshit reaches my ears, it has a chemical reaction in my brain and, next thing you know, I'm sneezing all over the place.
666Venom 4
I remember i woke up one mourning covered in my own nose blood
notsmalltown 8
At least this wasn't AT church.
ShakeDisPlace 10
I can picture Ron Weasley saying "bloody hell!"
Ray_of_midnight 22
Blood Snot & Tears? Don't they do jazz fusion?
NudeSuitSquad 7
Thats kind of gross but im sure god would've cleansed his memory. Afterwards.
oxygenius 14
Good thing you are not driving to church for your wedding when this happened. Count yourself lucky!
avapaige1234 19
Why the bloody hell did you bloody sneeze on someone else's bloody clothes? You bloody deserve it.
GuessWhatKids 13
Lay off the cocaine before church.