By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Spicy
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 142
You deserved it 10 333

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I hope you scrambled his eggs with a sharp scrotal slap.

haha whatever, he's just kidding around... you can't use the word "sausage" with a guy and expect them to not say something like that lol

Comments

Oh dear. Dump him? If not for the cock thing, for somehow thinking 'would you like scrambled eggs' is a euphemism.

that's nasty. I guess you two have a strong relationship? xD

Either she's dating a pre-schooler, or her boyfriend thinks he's a character in a porn film. Either way, something is terribly wrong here.

Syddyb you is fucking beautiful. just had to write it.

No you didn't, and if you did, could you at least write it properly?

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Hey, that gives me an idea for tomorrow morning... :-D

Seriously, "you is"? She's going to ignore you just for that.

Traze, while I'm sure your "you is beautiful" is successful in moistening most women's panties, that strategy doesn't work often here. I would try "omg your gorges" or "how much for a bj" or "ur hottttttt lololololololol." Do it now.

I'm thankful for the correction of my mistake. I didn't realize it after I posted it and went about looking for a delete a comment button, but my efforts was futile on the phone. To docbasterd I thank you for the retarded suggestion and forever grateful. Peace bitch.

Were: Etymology: Middle English were (suppletive singular past subjunctive & 2d singular past indicative of been to be), weren (suppletive past plural of been), from Old English wǣre (singular past subjunctive & 2d singular past indicative of wesan to be), wǣron (past plural indicative of wesan), wǣren (past plural subjunctive of wesan) — Was: Etymology: Middle English, from Old English, wæs, 1st & 3d singular past indicative of wesan to be; akin to Old Norse vera to be, var was, Sanskrit vasati he lives, dwells past 1st & 3d singular of be. Look at this prick and correct yourself.

Traze, do yourself a favor and stop trying to be badass over the internet. Getting your panties in a twist over a grammar Nazi just shows you are a petty little bitch.

Ahhh... agreed.

What 65 posted doesn't matter. One cannot say, "My efforts was..." Just lettin' you know.

Shady's pic is too true. Hint hint.

Indeed. " My effort(s) were futile. "

Pick one: 1. "My effort was..." 2. "My efforts were..."

I loled through this whole thing. The FML has nothing on these comments.

A) She's 16, most likely illegal for you B) Your flirting over FML, that should be an FML in itself C) It contained 0% game at all.

All 65 shows is that you can copy and paste.

31- Thank you very much. I don't get that very often and it made my day, no matter how it's written. (:

haha I get it

Aww you don't get that much? Well you're pretty! ANYWAYS so yes what was the FML. dammit I forgot. oh yes boyfriend waving junk in your face. Well YDI for saying yes.

Let's all boost 115's ego! ready go! and ya, that sounds like a good idea on paper, but I would rather keep my junk than have it ripped off by a pissed girlfriend

docbastard, you is dum its sad u spend so much time on hear corrected ppl...

134 is about to get bent over, thar grammar was stellar! Have fun Doc!

134, I truly hope you were joking with that comment. If not, I'm surprised you are smart enough to log onto a computer.

Im sure he is capable. He told me he logged onto your mom last night, just sayin.

Doc is the man.

You're an idiot. Or should I say "you a idiot"?

Awee, he's sweet :D

you're hot

Somebody is a jealous hater.

Mmmm doubt it if she were jealous she would have posted an equally skanky (and fake) pic

that pic is really not necessary

Oh yes she is cause calling someone names without proper evidence goes to show the very treat that they are displaying. In my case calling her a " jealous hater " is by doing it with her comment of " slut ".

To the lady, what appears to me sitting on the toilet, your comment is not necessary and as well as your pic of your ugly bathroom curtains. What awful taste people have.

ur hot. nice chesticles

she does have evidence that she's a slut. she's wearing a major push up bra and take of pic of her self in it and puts it as a profile picture.

id make u breakfast everyday ;)

why would u put a pic up with only a bra on. i guess u dont want anyone looking at your ugly mug. haha

I can only imagine the things the guy before me probably said.

probably something relating her bodacious curves bs him being a typical black guy

lol i called her ugly!

what do you MEAN my daughter was raped?!?!?

aaaahahahahah that's sumtin I would do... y u not eat the breakfest he made 4u

Why do you not write coherently? And what's a breakfest? Some kind of plate-smashing festival? Sounds like fun.

he was kidding dont be so serious

Don't fucking tell me how to live my life. If I choose to be serious all the time and never sarcastic, then that is how I will live, goddammit. It's good for my blood pressure. Shit.

I'm amazed that you have never been banned.

Damnit Marvin, you missed your cue. Life, Don't talk to DocBastard about life.

Why would I get banned? I'm innocent! I've never paid off the mods! You can't prove anything!! *hides under the blanket*

Those cigars you sent me really were top quality, Doc. I'll see what I can do about your debtor problem.

Why would Doc get banned? His comments are amazing!

Can I vote for Doc to become President of the FML site? Also, I propose a "correction fee" of $0.01 every time he has to correct someone due to an idiotic lack of coherency. He would become rich.

Nah brah bein suriuz all da tyme iz bad fer yur blud pressurez. Somebody please shoot me for that?^

124 - Only if you count me in on that too. The stupidity on here's disgusting. AM$0.01 for every time he or I correct someone in spelling or grammar; AM$1.00 for every time we correct someone's flawed logic.

Correction, since the editor didn't post my correction: ...for every time we correct someone's spelling or grammar...***

LMFAO that's HILARIOUS!!! Sorry that happened to you, but still, it's pretty funny! he probably learned that joke the last time he was with his buddies and was waiting for the perfect time to use it! I'll be lockin' that one in the vault in the event a man says that to me! Thanks for that! seriously though OP, sucks (no pun intended) but still hilarious. FYL

I hope that's sarcasm

says the stripper

haha whatever, he's just kidding around... you can't use the word "sausage" with a guy and expect them to not say something like that lol

unless they're over 17, I guess

I hope you scrambled his eggs with a sharp scrotal slap.

PERDIX IS BACK!

5828 comments made on fml by perdix? that's more than pendatic I believe

You shoulda tried to crack open the eggs.

a la feline...

I get an option?

Hahaha!! That's hilarious OP!! Learn how to take a joke!

You asked for "with sausage", didn't you?