Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
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Top comments
dontfmlplzzz 6
Common sense isn't so common nowadays
loller27 6
dude what did you think it meant
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Comments (193)
KiddNYC1O 22
Where's the mayo??
XxDancerGirlxX 17
Avocado & napkins doesn't start with L or T. At least narrow your options OP, you sound like an idiot.
friedbunnies 9
Avocados?!!!!!!?!?!!?!!?!
iWoggle 6
*facepalm*
baked_goods 5
You are the reason we, as a species, are slowly back-tracking in our evolution. You're voting and talking privileges are officially revoked: the internet has spoken.
MrBean1561 5
Haha look at ask the jackasses calling the OP names. He made a mistake, get over it... Really it isn't a big deal.
enigmarage 2
...why an avocado and napkins?
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
What a moron.
DJP0N3 0
Turkey bacon SUUUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
CaptainNaaws 0
**** it! We're having bacon!