Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
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Top comments
reshikrom 14
So stop for a little while and tell her she can't complain when you get fat.
uchua 16
Marriage logic.
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Comments (109)
DBJ99 14
Lol whoops
iateapenguin 27
"I can't believe I married this neurotic wreck" - I know I'm going to get downvoted to hell here, but seriously? Referring to your own wife in such a derogatory manner? She's not the only one with the problem here.
LeviathansGirl89 1
Maybe if you weren't such an asshole she wouldn't have a reason to mistrust you. I wouldn't trust my partner the second he ever reffered to me in a derogatory manner that wasn't joking AND undermined my feelings. That shows complete disrespect and neither party deserves that.
noir13 3
Its never to late to get a divorce. In the long run if things aren't working and you(or your wife) aren't willing to make the effort to mend the relation it's healthier for both of you.
emmmmmly 5
Maybes she's seen American beauty
Experteric 12
sorry OP. accidentally hit the you deserved it button. meant to scroll down.
Nicholas Klapperich 5
Been 4 years but did you ever catch your wife cheating? Every single time I've been blindly accused of cheating they were so paranoid and guilt ridden from their own cheating they assumed I must be too