Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
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Top comments
reshikrom 14
So stop for a little while and tell her she can't complain when you get fat.
uchua 16
Marriage logic.
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Comments (109)
Bryce8 11
Well then.
PsychicBulwark 4
If OP were a woman, the cries of "DUMP HIM", "ABUSER", and "CONTROLLING" would blot out the sun. Thankfully it's a dude, so we can just say "Well it's your fault for not being supportive when she abuses you with horrible accusations."
Catdragon 40
always that one person who brings gender, race or politics into everything....
Algorithm 24
Accusing somebody of cheating isn't abuse, dumbass. At worst it's controlling behavior, and sure, if OP's wife constantly expected him to center his life around her and became violent if he didn't, it'd be an abusive relationship, but nothing in the FML suggests this is part of that pervasive pattern. Put down the fedora, broni friendzoni.
worldclassrager 41
Either she likes you the way you are or doesn't mind if you gain a little weight...maybe taking her to the gym with you wouldn't be a bad idea...
King_ibloK 12
I feel like you don't really care for her if you need to bitch about her on this website
pete9913 23
My wife used to tell me the same thing. Now she's gone, and I'm at the gym 6 days a week.
Celeste7_fml 18
If she's sensitive, ask her to join you in the experience and have her go to the gym with you. It helps the trust and puts her at ease. Her reaction was awful, but if you want the marriage to work and get past this hurtle, help her through her insecurities.
Hop6e 22
Woah. First off, she may be out of line accusing you of that, but dude if that's how you talk about your wife? Then maybe it's time ya'll really thought this relationship through. Hope everything turns out good.
helsingmusique18 11
I guess I'll say it she's most likely cheated on someone in the past or is cheating on you. Hope it isn't the case, but in any case, you need to have a chat with your wife. There is a reason she is acting like that and hopefully she was just having a bad day.
jtsmommy 11
She's insecure, and you two have a relationship to work on, it sounds like. Calling her a neurotic wreck wasn't necessary, though.
inolongercare 19
Tell her you wanted to impress her since she is so beautiful and you want to be as good looking as she is