Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth...

By yooitscallo - 22/8/2015 07:30 - United States - Pekin

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24817

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

yooitscallo Say more :

Haha, ironically the next day my girlfriend asked me if we could get a puppy, I couldn't even explain to her as to why I nearly threw up. Lol

Animals

Delayed proposal

Noise

You snooze, you lose

By some_girl_19 - 5/8/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58919

You deserved it

9394

Favorite

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31692

You deserved it

4065

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2019 04:00

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

461

Favorite

By bad_luck_chuck - 4/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3658

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By lame - 31/12/2010 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10346

You deserved it

21919

Favorite

By hitchcock2013 - 7/5/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45627

You deserved it

13272

Favorite

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/9/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35275

You deserved it

3164

Favorite

By iGreen - 9/7/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35425

You deserved it

3593

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2015 03:16 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35914

You deserved it

2142

Favorite

By LukeSkywalker - 23/12/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38187

You deserved it

4618

Favorite

By Mom2boysonly - 15/6/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3079

You deserved it

349

Favorite

By Username - 20/8/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37315

You deserved it

2660

Favorite

By DwarfFrog - 18/6/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34277

You deserved it

3371

Favorite

By julie24 - 30/5/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23156

You deserved it

45907

Favorite

By kodijack - 25/1/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8635

You deserved it

35044

Favorite

By Rachel - 12/2/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18945

You deserved it

3710

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 20:45 - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7821

You deserved it

60556

Favorite

By collball22 - 22/8/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31307

You deserved it

5390

Favorite

By nosexforthee - 23/1/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43477

You deserved it

7918

Favorite

By screwedupfuck - 27/3/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27344

You deserved it

6016

Favorite

By Pelota - 1/7/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52340

You deserved it

5128

Favorite

By Jaymz - 26/6/2018 15:00

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3239

You deserved it

2226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41031

You deserved it

3968

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/7/2009 19:56 - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55057

You deserved it

3849

Favorite

By david - 28/4/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14128

You deserved it

111135

Favorite

By tinygirl - 7/3/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54165

You deserved it

11135

Favorite

By geli - 9/8/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13660

You deserved it

1403

Favorite

By ouch - 2/3/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52375

You deserved it

7246

Favorite

By meghandix89 - 20/12/2016 01:35 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9587

You deserved it

699

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 05:24 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27214

You deserved it

68768

Favorite

By Broke - 28/5/2012 09:38 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29939

You deserved it

3375

Favorite

By dotcomboy - 28/7/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12916

You deserved it

78647

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 20:08

Cash dispenser

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1785

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By midwify - 5/1/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35166

You deserved it

7570

Favorite

By K-Rat - 9/10/2016 12:16 - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9371

You deserved it

1030

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/2/2020 14:00

My husband's passion

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that, he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By joe rogan fucking sucks, dude - 27/4/2014 20:51 - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41037

You deserved it

5061

Favorite

By anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:53 - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39043

You deserved it

4005

Favorite

By madessalarouge - 20/10/2018 23:00 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2558

You deserved it

1284

Favorite

By heronlydaughter - 23/11/2010 03:58 - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30347

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SweetSociopathy | 24

#6389413 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:02

So, subconsciously, you think your girlfriend is a bitch?

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6389403 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:55

Must have been a Ruff dream.

COMMENTS

By DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6389396 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:52

......

By DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6389400 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:53

Buy some puppies!

TheGreastest | 24

#6389404 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:56

Someone didn't read the FML.

vampire623 | 6

#6389599 - Sunday 23 August 2015 4:47

or they did abd they trying to be a smart @$$

By rnarshmallow | 21

#6389402 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:55

I've been told dreams are fears or desires, I'm glad that isn't a desire for you..

Pinkiss_fml | 21

#6389754 - Sunday 23 August 2015 6:47

Or maybe he wanted a puppy.

pedopears | 18

#6389954 - Sunday 23 August 2015 12:19

Or maybe he thinks she is a bitch.. (The one that brings puppies to the world xP)

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6389403 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:55

Must have been a Ruff dream.

kdgsmiley | 23

#6389555 - Sunday 23 August 2015 3:14

Can you imagine if she did that in real life? What a bitch...

By Liamj774 | 36

#6389405 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:57

The miracle of dog birth

By The_Big_Boss | 20

#6389407 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

AbtractAngela | 17

#6390530 - Sunday 23 August 2015 23:06

well, no, because he clearly said he's nauseous now.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6390562 - Sunday 23 August 2015 23:39

Interspecies erotica...

By alexanderavatar | 24

#6389410 - Saturday 22 August 2015 23:59

imagine him in inception

By musicnole | 8

#6389411 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:01

If you get nauseous about that...I hope you don't get her pregnant!

leogachi | 15

#6389495 - Sunday 23 August 2015 1:32

@10 Watching her give birth to a human baby would probably be a lot less disturbing.

Redoxx_fml | 22

#6389660 - Sunday 23 August 2015 5:48

It might happen if they do it soggy style

Jowisee | 29

#6390526 - Sunday 23 August 2015 23:04

Shouldn't good sex always be soggy? ;)

By SweetSociopathy | 24

#6389413 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:02

So, subconsciously, you think your girlfriend is a bitch?

pjsr | 32

#6389479 - Sunday 23 August 2015 1:12

Which makes you a dirty dog daddy

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6389414 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:02

Did she also have as many tits as a dog?

I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6389425 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:11

Reminded me of that How I Met Your Mother episode with the back boobs.

Vintage_Cola | 29

#6389439 - Sunday 23 August 2015 0:31

Yiffing does not come without consequences.