Love: Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband....

By beno - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

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Love

Season finale

Thanks ma

Mystery

By best_mom_ever - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

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By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 02:00

Looks aren't everything

Today, I was watching "My 600-lb Life". Most of the people on the show are married or in relationships. I cant even find a relationship. FML

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By notarobber - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

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By crazyclumzy - Canada

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

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By Momma - 26/3/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Parent-sanctioned violence

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

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By Rhett_15

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

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By nose hurts - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

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By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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3337

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By dumbass for a flatmate - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

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By unemployed - United States - Modesto

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

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By Ari

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Big Lake

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

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By ohwell - United States - Arlington

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

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14378

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

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33789

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By LOLOLOLOL - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

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By levit - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

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By m??

Mansplaining 101

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

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1568

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By Mary - United States

He's trying to kill you!

Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML

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By hjufidskndf - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people "why he is going out with such an ugly girl." FML

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By Scapegoat

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

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By popasquat

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By FMJoblessL - United States

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

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28458

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By Wellfu - Europe

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

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By Weightlosshereicome - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

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By arrow - United States - Pomona

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

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22564

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By bdayboy - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

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35274

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By mass message - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

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By K Holed - United States

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

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24783

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By seatle girl - France - Les Mureaux

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

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By secret - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

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41617

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 02:03

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

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1358

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By ZittyMii - United States

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

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43372

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By whyme - United States

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

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By wearashirt - United States

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

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Top comments

By TheEpicScrewup | 0

#20232 - Saturday 7 March 2009 23:02

WORST. EXCUSE. EVER. If you're going to lie about nudie pics, make it a good lie. And there really is none in that situation. I'd be like, "And you think this will make me love you, physco?" And I'm a chick, by the way. I hate when people pull the whole, "I wanted attention because you don't compliment me enough/ I thought you lost interest in me" thing. Sorry, man. But I think you need couples' therapy...that or a divorce...

By puhffft | 0

#5647 - Monday 23 February 2009 4:12

Sorry, but your wife's a jerk. Yeah, you should let her know that you love her and make sure she feels important... but at the same time, if she has that little respect for you, she doesn't deserve your time.

COMMENTS

By puhffft | 0

#5647 - Monday 23 February 2009 4:12

By TheEpicScrewup | 0

#20232 - Saturday 7 March 2009 23:02

gman90210 | 18

#5203064 - Saturday 1 December 2012 4:48

Oh so very true we need more women like you. I know I dam well would

carbonbasedcynic | 17

#5921363 - Monday 21 April 2014 14:47

what's a physco? is that a physics research company?

XQuartzX | 15

#6183741 - Monday 26 January 2015 0:31

Its a very crazy person. That is what it is.

By bonare0607 | 0

#36876 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Jabulls | 0

#51240 - Monday 23 March 2009 1:07

Ouch man, hope it wasn't a very long relationship. That would definitly piss me off, to the infinite amount.

By AlexC_fml | 0

#61478 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:32

ha ha ha your life sucks dick lol.. you are stuck for life lol, loser.

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5645018 - Monday 26 August 2013 21:52

Divorce?

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#66301 - Sunday 29 March 2009 4:18

Well what did you do to make her feel that way?

By jsmith1199 | 0

#78234 - Friday 3 April 2009 1:03

#10 what the fuck you stupid whore how is it his fault? under no circumstances should she have sent nude pictures of herself to ANYONE other than her husband.

and #9 you're just an ass hole

you should post those pics here

By RawrrKai | 0

#126590 - Monday 20 April 2009 10:57

You could compliment her by saying she's the biggest whore you've ever met.

gman90210 | 18

#5203073 - Saturday 1 December 2012 4:50

Yep then send her off to her ex and be done with her. Cause I know if she sending pics she is also doing more.

By 24788 | 6

#160916 - Saturday 2 May 2009 0:56

That's an attention whore.

By FritoLovesYou | 0

#161120 - Saturday 2 May 2009 2:30

Dump that whore.