Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
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Top comments
reshikrom 14
So stop for a little while and tell her she can't complain when you get fat.
uchua 16
Marriage logic.
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Comments (109)
KrDizzy 16
Calling her an awful name and saying you regret marrying her over something so minor? You sound like a real catch, yourself. Probably do and say asshole things to make her so insecure.
myeviltwin 20
Sorry to break it to you OP, but all women are varying degrees of crazy. They range from slightly neurotic to full blown psycho. You just have to figure out the level of crazy you are willing to deal with for the rest of your life.
Algorithm 24
I'm way too sober for this comment section. We get it, 68, you hate women. You don't have to expound on it quite so much.
myeviltwin 20
I don't hate women. I love women. That doesn't mean I am not going to be realistic about them though. And three sentences is expounding?
cchamberlin1 13
There are indeed a lot of studies that would support her reasoning for believing this. Still, she should have a little more faith in you. Perhaps you could invite her to work out with you?
Aimskool 10
It's pretty common my ex fiancé accused me of cheating when I put make up on or worked out
bobslawnservice 16
At least your wife noticed. I have lost over 5% body fat, almost 3 inches around my waist and significantly bulked up muscle and mine doesn't seem to have.
snickerpuss 9
Any change of behaviour / habit can look suspicious. Just give her some time, she will realised by herself you're not cheating on her
ligerzero459 24
That's a good thing, that means you're making good gains.
epicbattle22 2
my father's worked out for the last 30 years and happily married... maybe she should go with you.
clair_brodie 35
Sounds like the time I tried to dress up for my bf. I told him I wanted to look good for him and his response was 'you just wanted to show up other people'. (Not in a yeah you are hot voice but a sarcastic one)
Bragi 12
Sadly, OP, that's considered a sign of cheating. Cosmo tells them so.