Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
reshikrom 14
So stop for a little while and tell her she can't complain when you get fat.
uchua 16
Marriage logic.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
iheartstupid 4
If you can't believe you married her to begin with why do you care what she thinks? Just leave.
MrThump 16
First, congrats on wanting to stay fit. It's good for the body and good for the mind. I think your wife might be insecure. Time to reassure her show her she has nothing to worry about.... For a start don't speak about your wife like you did in this post!
Shuff52 21
Don't stop working out, bring her along if need be. Once she gets past the insecure part she'll love the remodeled version of you. Not just physically but mentally too. Keep on it man
chaseafterwind82 29
And if you sat around and got fat she'd give you shit for that. Can't win...
drider_fml 14
I was sympathetic until that last sentence
snazzymcwho 21
If I could thumbs this up 100 times I would. OP Sounds like an asshole.
9a_1z 12
I'd be a bit concerned too if my husband made a sudden change without at least bringing it up in conversation first, not because of cheating but because our communication with each other had got so bad. Your wife needs reassurance, not you running off to strangers online to whine about it.
askullnamedbilly 33
Soooo... if your husband went running one morning without telling you first you'd break down in tears and question your whole marriage? Working out is not a 'big change', it's what everyone is supposed to do to stay healthy.
PsychicBulwark 4
Well OBVIOUSLY OP deserves the abusive accusations, because he's not ...reassuring enough! Or...something. Whatever, the bottom line is he's a guy so he deserves it. She's a girl so she needs more pampering when she spouts abusive, controlling accusations. -sarcasm
9a_1z 12
I said a bit concerned, not a blubbering wreck. Maybe we're odd, but if I'm thinking of trying something different it comes up in conversation with my partner before he notices my toned abs. So for me, I'd find it weird, just not 'omg he cheated!' weird.
Scorpio01 16
Working out is good... Ask her to join you...
AdmiralRiffRaff 7
Concerned with the amount of comments supporting OP's wife. If OP wants t better himself, his wife shouldn't leap to such conclusions. Chances are OP that guilty people make the first move and often accuse their partners, so OP's wife may eb the one playing away. Check it out OP, and I hope I'm wrong.
orsombre_fml 11
She is insecure and you are not really helpful. A good beginning to reopen communication would be to go to the gym together.
PsychicBulwark 4
My ex wife flipped out when I bought new underwear. Obviously cheating. The old ones were getting holes in the bands.