Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
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Top comments
Froley 0
Just because she wants to make sure she's safe and you know what you're doing, you think she doesn't trust you? Be happy that she trusts you enough to take her virginity. YDI.
cabbitt 0
I don't trust you either.
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Comments (136)
allmidnighteyes 11
**** condoms, premarital sex is the shit. get 'em pregnant, get 'em pregnant, get 'em pregnant.
boopityboppity 11
Goodbye, allmidnighteyes.
allmidnighteyes 11
only un-awesome people don't get Fall Of Troy references. =p
boopityboppity 11
If that's awesome, then I'm perfectly fine with being banal, 18.
wintermistress7 1
Dude, I think you're overreacting. She's obviously trying trying be safe. It's a big deal for her. So, cut her some slack, okay?
KiddNYC1O 22
Yeah, but wasn't Sex-Ed enough?
Cinn_fml 23
Not everyone gets Sex-Ed, even at schools that do provide proper education on the matter, parents still have the ability to stop their child taking it, or at least in some places.
allmidnighteyes 11
Not every school teaches sex ed. They didn't even mention sex at my high school. And even in middle school, all we got was a 2 week class on puberty and how the human body functions during sex, which included a sort of x-ray video of a guy shooting his load in a girl, a POV of a camera being inserted into a guy's urethra, and a really hairy lady giving birth.
hollee 0
lmao we watched the exact same video :)
RedPillSucks 33
And they definitely don't show you how to put on a condom. Not sure what the ladies did in their class.
CitizenSnipz 0
I saw the birth part. Thank god I didn't see the x-ray.
allmidnighteyes 11
"Today, I'm gettin' some. FML." quit your bitchin'
Cinn_fml 23
She's probably nervous enough as it is, and scared she'll get pregnant. She wants to make sure that at least the protection is done right. She's trusting you enough to have sex with you, I think it's forgiveable for her to want to check that you both know how to get the condom bit right.
perdix 31
She'll probably watch a bunch of videos on proper condom use, ********** and not need you anymore. She does realize that getting penetrated by a condom-covered dick counts as losing her virginity, right?
W4X 0
So true.
funzcpl 0
baby girl is just nervous. get a banana and practice in front of her. just for ***** and giggles.
DocBastard 40
Am I the only one confused by this one? Does the girlfriend not trust that he's a virgin or that he knows how to put on a condom? Or both? Or neither? Now I'm even more confused! What, I'm the only one? Oh, ok. I'll go back to my little hovel by the lake now.
boopityboppity 11
If you can't tell the differencing between an "e" and the suffix "-ing", then you fail, sir.
wombledn 0
#19 said it all. quit whining, watch an instructional video with her like a man and get a v card
iliketurdles 7
Doc you bastard. in other news, i like turtles. that will be all.
DocBastard 40
Wha...wh...what'd I do?