Intimacy: Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity... - FML

By wow - 08/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 8 851

Best teeth in the game

There's no helping some people

Healthcare is broken

By ZydecosGirl - 10/05/2013 03:11 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 979

You deserved it 8 548

By Brian - 04/05/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 506

You deserved it 64 447

By housematefromhell - 21/07/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 352

By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/03/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 232

You deserved it 9 003

By em - 05/02/2011 09:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 192

You deserved it 5 889

By neverdatingacopagain - 25/04/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 885

You deserved it 6 701

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 14:44

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 716

You deserved it 1 887

By Murphy’s Christmas - 13/12/2018 13:30

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 575

You deserved it 173

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 188

You deserved it 93 926

By issy - 21/09/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 628

You deserved it 3 619

Simping

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 11:29 - India - Bangalore

Today, my girlfriend moved to Germany for her Master's degree and perhaps a PhD. I'm still stuck in this third world mess which we call India. I simped for her and agreed that she can have non-serious relationships with other men. I'm so broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 1 061

By William Johnson - 26/12/2013 23:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 389

You deserved it 5 796

By thesaddestsoup - 02/02/2017 20:00 - Macedonia - Stip

Today, my long-distance relationship ended. The only thing my dad had to say to comfort me was that he hopes my phone bills will, "go back to normal now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 545

You deserved it 1 335

By KobraKommander - 17/03/2010 11:51 - France

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 496

You deserved it 92 438

By neverhavingkids - 21/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 477

You deserved it 5 044

By Yudansha - 14/02/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 14 839

By doh - 10/01/2009 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 4 372

By JoeyTheJedi - 18/10/2016 00:31 - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 323

You deserved it 1 310

Where am I?

By sam - 15/05/2021 00:01

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 278

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 070

You deserved it 2 973

Scandalous!

By mustanggt - 04/09/2018 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 409

By HappyBirthdayISuppose - 01/04/2013 05:03 - United States - Westminster

Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 023

You deserved it 2 350

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Spicy

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 2 876

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 662

You deserved it 4 228

By DonPedro - 16/01/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 805

You deserved it 11 302

By neverdoingthatagain - 27/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Pottstown

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 204

You deserved it 2 091

Yeet it time

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 12:59 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I got fired for not being mature enough. I just found out I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 584

You deserved it 3 375

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 528

You deserved it 5 238

By Anonymous - 11/09/2018 03:30

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 468

You deserved it 226

By Great... - 09/11/2011 22:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 432

You deserved it 5 646

By Sherressa - 02/12/2013 20:04 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 562

You deserved it 28 000

By halien1982 - 03/01/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 412

You deserved it 35 275

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 537

You deserved it 21 993

By gymnasticscoach - 25/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 882

You deserved it 9 928

By notahomewrecker - 09/01/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 4 999

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 11:29 - Turkey

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 10 896

By Bree - 23/09/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, it's my wedding anniversary. I decided to come home early to surprise my husband, but I was the one left surprised. I walked in on him in bed with a teenager. I'm six months pregnant with our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 027

You deserved it 289

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 257

By theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? - 31/05/2013 22:25 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 381

You deserved it 4 613

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Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 8 November 2010 22:40

Just because she wants to make sure she's safe and you know what you're doing, you think she doesn't trust you? Be happy that she trusts you enough to take her virginity. YDI.

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:39

I don't trust you either.

Comments

TheUnknown_fml 9

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:39

learn to do it right!!!!

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:56

So many people learn how to "do it right" on their own. It's not that hard to put a condom on.

MutatedCranium 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:49

Wow maybe she just wants to be very sure. Why would you take it personally?

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 17:55

you are about to swipe a v card and the worst problem you have is she wants to make sure you can wrap your dick right? fuck off man.

KaintukeeBob 13

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 18:21

Congrats, man. You get to be your g/f's first time, AND she is being smart and responsible. She's obviously a type A personality, and wants to make sure things go well. If she's interested in sex and willing to google sexual activities, it's entirely likely that she will be willing to try new and interesting things with you. Enjoy it. And learn to put on a condom right. It's not tough.

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:39

I don't trust you either.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:49

OP: "I'll be careful." Girlfriend: "You'll be dead!" Enter Obi-Wan, who defends the OP by cutting off the girlfriend's arm.

boopityboppity 11

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 0:16

Someone, somewhere, will get that and laugh. Hopefully.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 0:58

Hahahahahahaha

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 2:18

LAWL

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 3:48

its not me 

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:34

Bar scene in A New Hope?

extremenoodles 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 8:24

All I can think of is that Robot Chicken episode, and the poor guy couldn't be an architect any more.

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 9:24

LMAO. #33 win!

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 15:14

Epic Win.

blkpanther510 4

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 17:18

roflmao

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Monday 2 January 2012 11:35

8088

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:40

Just because she wants to make sure she's safe and you know what you're doing, you think she doesn't trust you? Be happy that she trusts you enough to take her virginity. YDI.

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 3:55

agreed!

teh_uber_muffin 3

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 5:03

that pic is so ftw jim

noshtsherlock 0

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 1:15

exactly :)

RavenXRampage 1

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 7:00

I agree too. You're complaining over nothing. At least if both of you are aware and vigilant, less chance of a clearly unwanted pregnancy.

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:47

You need to spread her legs out and nip her! That bitch is stupid

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Thursday 11 November 2010 22:02

r u a boy or girl

Elizabeth123654 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:53

idk 118, are YOU a boy or a girl? I really can't tell

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:48

If she doesn't trust you thats one thing. I think its good of her to be interested in learning ESPECIALLY about something THIS IMPORTANT. Get over it dude. You ought to sit her down and talk with her about sex. The key is communication

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:00

She has chosen you for this milestone in her life. Don't be an idiot.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:53

A big deal you may be, but you're also either really bad at giving advice or just awful at being funny.

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:59

You should've said "Trust me, virgin." with emphasis on the word virgin.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:42

... Why would she care?

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:18

damn virgins i tell ya

PointAndLaugh 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 7:37

It's like being a senior, and calling someone a freshmen. It's demoralizing.

boopityboppity 11

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 22:24

Neither of the instances is demoralizing, actually.

Elizabeth123654 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:55

im a virgin... and I will fucking kill anyone who makes ME pregnant on the first time around.

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Tuesday 14 August 2012 0:56

Isnt all their fault. If you have sex your taking the risk so deal with it

orangesodaftw 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 22:59

She doesn't want to get preggers because of your inadequateness. I don't blame her for not trusting you. I wouldn't either.

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:03

It's better to be safe than sorry.

kingghidorah 10

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 0:09

According to halestorm it's better sorry than safe ;) lol but seriously this isn't a big deal. And seriously that's a great song =)

pinkdottedbow 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 0:20

It's a real saying, they're not just lyrics from a song.

kingghidorah 10

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 0:33

I know. I just felt like mentioning the song haha

GoodLookingGeese 10

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:16

who said they would be sorry, maybe they would have nice kids, LOL

jmcr 27

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Wednesday 24 October 2012 7:50

Thank you for reminding me of that song its really good and havent heard it in forever

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:05

You probably failed the quiz.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 81

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 87