Kids: Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her...

By Anonymous - 21/07/2011 23:46 - Australia

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 15 767

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Same thing different taste

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 466

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 050

You deserved it 6 139

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 5 939

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 796

You deserved it 79 011

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 5 262

By GMD - 18/09/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 272

You deserved it 7 203

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 885

You deserved it 10 577

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 688

You deserved it 3 975

By dazzla08 - 26/03/2011 00:07

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 606

You deserved it 3 356

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 450

You deserved it 8 574

Iamnotmyself 17

Friday 22 July 2011 9:25

Beer is my child, how dare you !

jewknowit710 2

Friday 22 July 2011 9:29

time to get her a puppy I'de say!

Comments

ndclover 3

Friday 22 July 2011 15:03

kids say the darndest things.

Opium_Production 5

Friday 22 July 2011 15:52

so what'd you tell her?

mutinykitty 18

Friday 22 July 2011 16:35

kids are the best! xD

allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 22 July 2011 16:35

Are you naming it Jack? Jack Daniels?

SirObvious 1

Friday 22 July 2011 17:17

but you had a three year old daughter....

kiaralove53 0

Friday 22 July 2011 17:44

You think he got pregnant and gave birth to his daughter? We can safely assume there was a woman involved, or adoption...

griffendorgirl 0

Friday 22 July 2011 17:56

awww poor kid!!

Friaza 29

Friday 22 July 2011 18:28

Lets just hope the kid turned out alright.

nlr 9

Friday 22 July 2011 18:30

time to tell the truth and hit the gym my dear friend(:

mikejunior88 4

Friday 22 July 2011 18:37

It can't be that difficult to tell her the truth. The longer you wait the worse it'll be.

raggyone1 4

Friday 22 July 2011 18:49

think u should go to the gym or buy ur daughter a puppy to make her feel better

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The Top

Today, my brother is staying over for a while. I thought I was prepared for this, but I totally forgot that he is inexplicably prone to having random nosebleeds. He's going through my Kleenex faster than a horny teenage boy left alone in his room. Time to hoard Kleenex like how people hoarded toilet paper in 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 83

Today, I'm meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In doing so, I accidentally touched my neck with the iron, and I now have a burn there that look a lot like a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 4 898

The Top

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 315

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 835

You deserved it 3 366

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 200

You deserved it 60 639

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 166

You deserved it 16 227

Today, after months of therapy, it turns out my erectile dysfunction is basically caused by fear of my wife’s temper. I'm mentally too afraid of my wife to want sex with her, so my penis says “NO”. Also, due to my wife’s temper, I’m too afraid to tell her that I’m too scared to have sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 303

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 2 763

Same thing different taste

Think of the environment

Mystery man

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