Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML
Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML
Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Beer is my child, how dare you !
jewknowit710 2
time to get her a puppy I'de say!
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Comments (112)
sesamehood 0
"I never get paid in trident layers :("
Natadance4eva 0
^^^^ lmao! wrong fml....
tateh22 1
That's why you pretend dude, don't break her lil heart?
Jacobt24 19
He didn't. Read it again.
gOlfwAng_fml 0
better off being known as the fat dad, instead of the lying dad right?
TheCountess 4
Why not just tell her the truth? I know it would be a let down for her, but she would get over it. She has to learn the facts eventually, so stop delaying the inevitable and level with her.
cyanidesandwich 21
she's three. maybe at five it would be good to tell her as not to traumitize her mind
notlapplicable 0
9 months later......
SydneyG 0
hahaha.. fai
talktomandybaby 8
^fail
lovejdbieber 0
now THAT was a fail
LuHGiiiT 11
59, I believe your photo beats them all..
sickandsexified 7
lol that was me when I was little:). even had a dream that I was getting a little sibling. ya, I still remember it. that's how excited I was.
MrXerxes5 6
if only OP were a seahorse....
partyfool2011 4
or a fairy godparent?
MrXerxes5 6
if only OP were a seahorse.... ah seahorses...
Lunchtime 3
Looks like its time to make another baby...