Kids: Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her...

By Anonymous - 21/07/2011 23:46 - Australia

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 15 767

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 466

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 050

You deserved it 6 139

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 5 939

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 796

You deserved it 79 011

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 5 262

By GMD - 18/09/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 272

You deserved it 7 203

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 885

You deserved it 10 577

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 688

You deserved it 3 975

By dazzla08 - 26/03/2011 00:07

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 606

You deserved it 3 356

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 450

You deserved it 8 574

Iamnotmyself 17

Friday 22 July 2011 9:25

Beer is my child, how dare you !

jewknowit710 2

Friday 22 July 2011 9:29

time to get her a puppy I'de say!

Comments

TwinRoxas 7

Sunday 24 July 2011 8:02

Ok, on your daughter's part, thats freaking adorable! On your part, thats actually pretty sweet because you're right, she is only three.

i_eat_kandy 0

Monday 25 July 2011 3:35

HAHA that's hilarious

lockthedoor 0

Monday 25 July 2011 6:35

awahahaha. how cuutteee!

dencovlb 0

Wednesday 27 July 2011 7:10

Aaawwh

Clarice1 9

Saturday 30 July 2011 1:53

If you deserve this it's not because you have a gut but because you haven't taught your daughter the basics of human reproduction.

herpderp015 1

Sunday 31 July 2011 23:17

@105 Are you somehow retarded? Human reproduction at 3 years old? At that age kids are innocent.. and would be early to teach them of how.

BeanieBGone 6

Monday 1 August 2011 19:04

Being that you're in Australia, couldn't you say you're having a "Foster" child? *har har*

tookietookie123 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:22

At least you can have "food babies"

tookietookie123 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:24

At least you can have "food babies"

sugar42 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 21:07

adopt a baby and make her happy?

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Awkward Friends Miscellaneous Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Ironic Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 364

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 274

You deserved it 14 939

The Top

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 202

You deserved it 4 471

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 603

You deserved it 8 703

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 640

Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 837

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 093

You deserved it 3 948

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 853

You deserved it 10 485

Same thing different taste

Think of the environment

Mystery man

Top comments

Comments