Money: Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

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Messed up

Tense

Bad boys, bad boys…

By hiddenplainly - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

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By melmel - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By thyella87 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

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By eyelashess - United States

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

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By Catnip - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

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By jennabee97 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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By NeedHeadPhone - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 22:02 - United States - Anchorage

Get the message, dude

Today, after telling my boyfriend of 8 years on Monday that I'm unhappy and don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, he said to me just now, "So, I’m thinking of proposing to you in December." FML

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By Foreverathome - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

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By nemesis5196523 - United States - Ogden

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

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By Lady of Sorrows - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By lebanesewoman - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

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By animallover - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

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By FuturePolice - United States

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." And then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

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By goodlkjh - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

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By Zedscar - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

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By freakingout - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By ZombieLicker - United States

Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

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By yourstruly - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

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By Morgannaken - United States

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

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By Nakdnathan - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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By Nick - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

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By nohalloweenforus

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

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By loveade11 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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By Mc'xplosive

McGastric

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

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By DanTheMan

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

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Top comments

By extrasnipes | 22

#6572850 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:29

She's a mcdick.

By abbyade | 21

#6572866 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:42

I cannot stand greedy siblings. So not a good trait to have. I hope you get your money back.

Buy her something worth a dollar. Now she will have no excuse not to pay you back!

COMMENTS

By extrasnipes | 22

#6572850 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:29

She's a mcdick.

Reply

Chloe555_fml | 27

#6572911 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:59

That was mcgreat!

Reply

extrasnipes | 22

#6572931 - Saturday 2 April 2016 22:49

Mcfail...

Reply

UserError94 | 18

#6572956 - Sunday 3 April 2016 0:11

Did they bring the mcdick back?! Fantastic news!

Reply

Xenolythic | 14

#6573050 - Sunday 3 April 2016 2:56

I didn't know they took it off

Reply

Chloe555_fml | 27

#6573722 - Monday 4 April 2016 1:26

#20

Don't mcCare, I still think it's funny.

By Nieios | 5

#6572851 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:32

hey man, McDonald's is the shit, gotta be worth something

Reply

joanikens | 18

#6572881 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:03

Dollar menu=$1

Reply

NeonVines | 6

#6572948 - Saturday 2 April 2016 23:53

McDonald's aint worth shit if your owed more than a dollar

Reply

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6573094 - Sunday 3 April 2016 4:47

McDonald's gives me the shits. Does that count?

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6572854 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:33

How much we talking? $2 or $100?

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6577857 - Sunday 10 April 2016 17:25

Probably less than $1. Considering the sister's reaction, it would make the most cents.

By T_Seg_101 | 18

#6572857 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:36

Well, I guess you never getting that money back!! Siblings are the worst that way...

By UserError94 | 18

#6572858 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:36

Fuck yea! I'm gonna go by Uncle Sam a mcdouble. Screw you taxes!

By kttnfsh | 11

#6572861 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:38

She'll learn her lesson when you stop lending her money.

By abbyade | 21

#6572866 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:42

I cannot stand greedy siblings. So not a good trait to have. I hope you get your money back.

Buy her something worth a dollar. Now she will have no excuse not to pay you back!

Reply

Mama4ddk | 15

#6572908 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:52

Right! Every birthday every Christmas every holiday that involves exchanging gifts, give her exactly one gift certificate to the dollar menu. Eventually she'll get the hint.

By CrazyManNo9 | 29

#6572872 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:51

Give her a dollar and tell her to pay you back.

Reply

citrusglass | 22

#6572943 - Saturday 2 April 2016 23:32

How creative.

By ulissey_fml | 22

#6572873 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:51

I see why you have a chip on your shoulder.

By meatmaeta | 21

#6572874 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:52

Never mix business with personal...