Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

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Serious times

Bad boys, bad boys…

CPTSD

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

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By Fitz - United States

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

So, it is not immoral ?

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

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By fuuuuck - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

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By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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By joshua - United States

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

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By DarkChild - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

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By mr_cheese - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

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By wtfmom - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

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By Blueberrypicc - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

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By fuck - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

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By Ovie

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

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By kayin - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

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By XxespoxX - United States

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

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By deargodwhy - 4/9/2020 10:03

Throwing shade

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

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By mumblingdope - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

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By Broke as a joke

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

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By sickofthesmelltoo - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

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By embarrassedmom - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

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By sociallyanxiousroomie - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

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By DoggyBlues - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

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By maggie74 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

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By WorkerBee

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

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By screwed - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

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By KayleeXLoVe21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

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By JBone - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

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By Melinda - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

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By howinthenameofholyfuck?! - 16/7/2020 17:01

Thanks for the miracle

Today, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, enduring months of tortuous chemo, having painful radiation treatments and having had my tubes tied, I realized I’ve become the butt of an incredibly cruel cosmic joke. I got pregnant from the one-night stand I had to celebrate beating cancer. FML

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By forever_young - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

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By Cheese4men - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

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By awks - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

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By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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Top comments

By extrasnipes | 22

#6572850 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:29

She's a mcdick.

By abbyade | 21

#6572866 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:42

I cannot stand greedy siblings. So not a good trait to have. I hope you get your money back.

Buy her something worth a dollar. Now she will have no excuse not to pay you back!

COMMENTS

By extrasnipes | 22

#6572850 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:29

She's a mcdick.

Reply

Chloe555_fml | 27

#6572911 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:59

That was mcgreat!

Reply

extrasnipes | 22

#6572931 - Saturday 2 April 2016 22:49

Mcfail...

Reply

UserError94 | 18

#6572956 - Sunday 3 April 2016 0:11

Did they bring the mcdick back?! Fantastic news!

Reply

Xenolythic | 14

#6573050 - Sunday 3 April 2016 2:56

I didn't know they took it off

Reply

Chloe555_fml | 27

#6573722 - Monday 4 April 2016 1:26

#20

Don't mcCare, I still think it's funny.

By Nieios | 5

#6572851 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:32

hey man, McDonald's is the shit, gotta be worth something

Reply

joanikens | 16

#6572881 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:03

Dollar menu=$1

Reply

NeonVines | 6

#6572948 - Saturday 2 April 2016 23:53

McDonald's aint worth shit if your owed more than a dollar

Reply

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6573094 - Sunday 3 April 2016 4:47

McDonald's gives me the shits. Does that count?

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6572854 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:33

How much we talking? $2 or $100?

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6577857 - Sunday 10 April 2016 17:25

Probably less than $1. Considering the sister's reaction, it would make the most cents.

By T_Seg_101 | 18

#6572857 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:36

Well, I guess you never getting that money back!! Siblings are the worst that way...

By UserError94 | 18

#6572858 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:36

Fuck yea! I'm gonna go by Uncle Sam a mcdouble. Screw you taxes!

By kttnfsh | 11

#6572861 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:38

She'll learn her lesson when you stop lending her money.

By abbyade | 21

#6572866 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:42

I cannot stand greedy siblings. So not a good trait to have. I hope you get your money back.

Buy her something worth a dollar. Now she will have no excuse not to pay you back!

Reply

Mama4ddk | 15

#6572908 - Saturday 2 April 2016 21:52

Right! Every birthday every Christmas every holiday that involves exchanging gifts, give her exactly one gift certificate to the dollar menu. Eventually she'll get the hint.

By CrazyManNo9 | 29

#6572872 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:51

Give her a dollar and tell her to pay you back.

Reply

citrusglass | 22

#6572943 - Saturday 2 April 2016 23:32

How creative.

By ulissey_fml | 22

#6572873 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:51

I see why you have a chip on your shoulder.

By meatmaeta | 21

#6572874 - Saturday 2 April 2016 20:52

Never mix business with personal...