Love: Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 105

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 368

16/06/2012 19:03

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 324

You deserved it 2 536

Broken heart

Leave us alone

What?

03/06/2009 00:10

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212 145

You deserved it 10 903

30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 144

You deserved it 1 279

17/05/2009 17:42

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 992

You deserved it 5 145

Gun control

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 10:59

Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 3 890

16/06/2009 04:35

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 69 417

Are you calling me a fatass?

By Asl94 - 16/01/2021 05:01

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 109

14/07/2011 19:17

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 524

You deserved it 60 098

27/12/2016 18:28

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 567

You deserved it 1 499

18/09/2015 06:04

Today, I was running late for school and accidentally ran a red light and got pulled over. I couldn't find the registration and was freaking out, when the cop told me that he wouldn't give me a ticket if he could give me some advice. His advice? Don't wear your shirt inside-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 500

You deserved it 4 554

14/11/2014 00:21

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 2 827

24/11/2014 01:59

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 204

You deserved it 3 577

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - 05/01/2018 05:00

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 849

Free healthcare, now!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 10:02

Today, I flew to America for my dad's funeral. I broke my vials of insulin and went to a pharmacy for a refill. No one told me they charge for insulin in America. One vial cost 270 dollars, the funeral is three days away and after booking a hotel, I have 6 dollars to feed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 188

Easy listener

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 08:06

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 208

06/08/2014 16:57

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 358

You deserved it 4 307

06/10/2015 20:42

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 913

You deserved it 2 261

15/09/2013 06:02

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 670

You deserved it 2 944

27/11/2014 20:38

Spicy

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 929

You deserved it 4 068

30/04/2011 05:21

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 017

You deserved it 7 958

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 86

27/03/2019 22:00

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 123

08/03/2009 23:57

Spicy

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 890

You deserved it 22 060

Please like me

By Stupid-Brain - 06/10/2020 09:59

Today, like every other time for as long as I can remember, even the slightest suggestion that someone doesn't want to be around me sends me into a major panic attack. I've been in therapy for three years to try and handle my anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 183

30/03/2013 06:57

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 844

18/10/2011 06:55

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 41 548

16/09/2011 17:18

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 306

You deserved it 9 308

13/05/2014 13:58

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 663

You deserved it 4 868

08/12/2018 14:00

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 271

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 13/03/2014 09:34

Spicy

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 318

You deserved it 6 173

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 84

15/09/2015 11:47

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 2 215

05/01/2010 01:02

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 316

You deserved it 22 623

26/05/2013 23:20

Spicy

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 121

You deserved it 4 128

20/11/2014 16:20

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 200

You deserved it 3 897

20/05/2010 05:12

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 5 069

27/01/2009 20:02

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 2 180

28/08/2009 06:42

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 907

You deserved it 5 068

11/10/2016 05:17

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 316

You deserved it 2 337

19/12/2009 06:20

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 324

You deserved it 2 685

20/10/2014 04:53

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 2 681

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Wow I would just not invite her if she was going to be such a bitch

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You should say, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

Comments

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

You should ask, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Wow I would just not invite her if she was going to be such a bitch

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:21

That's simple. Ask her if she is sleeping with your fiancé this time.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:04

what i dont get is whyy the fuck the sister would help pay all this money on the first wedding and then screw it up by fucking the groom?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:04

Til bitch do us part.

22cute 17

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:12

Somehow, I originally read 'mom' instead of 'sister'. That was... Different.

garrr 0

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Sunday 17 June 2012 7:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 9:14

2 - That plus the original poster should have said, "I'm really going marry him if you really don't fuck him." I'm blunt, therefore, I say it as I see it.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 9:34

I love how many thumb ups this has.

doctorhook86 24

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:53

OP: I'm in Alberta too. Hook me with your slutty sister and I'll make sure she stays outta trouble. ;)

ReesieBanana21 12

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:58

What a dickk!!!

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Monday 25 June 2012 7:30

Some family you got there.

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Friday 29 November 2013 2:45

Most likely because she probably afterwards was shocked at the OP not marrying him after she slept with him. To the OP tell her "No because your slutty ass ain't invited."

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Why are you inviting her to your wedding?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:18

I will answer with a rhyme: Family is family and although they may suck, You must invite them to your wedding

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:34

^^ Sarcasm- you don't get it

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Sunday 17 June 2012 6:27

Why are you still talking to her? If that happened before I'd bet you would hate her more than anyone else

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Sunday 17 June 2012 7:58

I agree. Don't invite her. Problem solved.

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:26

Because she's paying for it, pretty lame that OP would take that jackasses money though.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

What a bitch, don't invite her to your marriage!

bmkc4 1

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:58

True. Well, at least she found out what a tool bag he was before she married him.

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:29

3 postings in a row talking about not inviting the sister.. we get it!

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Monday 18 June 2012 14:17

139: Do me a favor and look at what time the past 3 comments were posted. Then you'll realize how stupid your unnecessary comment was.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

Well that was mean of her.

SloppyFlamingo 4

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:19

Hey, your "tung" is blue.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:11

Really? You think so?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:23

Yeah I think so.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:49

Hey Gtroll what do those words in red on your photo say? "I hate when voldemort.....without asking" is what I got.

Almighty_Chris97 6

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:58

It's "I hate when Voldemort uses my shower gel without asking", because you know he has no hair. Pretty funny eh?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

That's so fucked up its not even funny. Man my sister would never do that to me or vice versa. What a crappy sister you have and I think she needs to get her ass kicked. Tell mom on her!

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:28

^My money's on him being the ex fiancé

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:56

And that's probably OP's sister behind him.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 16:24

Is it awful that after reading this fml, I'm glad I don't have a sister which would make this kinda thing possible? I mean, I have 3 brothers and I just could not imagine a sibling doing this to me.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 20:52

Don't worry 122, it's not like this is typical or anything lol.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You shouldn't invite her to your wedding. She's clearly scum.

shadexilmaendu 4

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:27

I don't know if you've seen the my little pony parodies on YouTube (look up shed.mov) but I read all your comments in parody fluttershys voice.

cheetahbaby96 8

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:09

She clearly likescum. Oh sorry, autocorrect.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 22:24

Hey hey hey, stay outta my shed!

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You should say, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

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Sunday 17 June 2012 13:52

I want to thumb you up like a million times. Shame that I can't.

cwl727 32

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Saturday 3 May 2014 20:21

You already posted this comment.

Sunday 17 June 2012 2:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:19

I think the sister should be trying to get on OP's good side... not the other way around

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:20

Good point. Definitely read this wrong :S

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:20

...what's that supposed to mean!? Naw I'm kidding. You should pick a different food choice though.

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:21

15- no worries, happens to me all the time :)

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:01

but it is true.....bitches love some watermelon[:

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:43

..congrats. You're not a bitch :D

PrimeEvilTahir 23

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:17

What she should be asking is if the new fiancé is good enough to sleep with... FYL OP for having a bitch of a sister...

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Sunday 17 June 2012 15:27

Your picture never fails to give me a heart attack. ?