Love: Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 14

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 126

16/06/2012 19:03

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 324

You deserved it 2 536

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Great start to the day

Ungrateful

28/10/2013 00:41

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 530

You deserved it 4 605

22/03/2013 19:15

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 727

You deserved it 7 668

31/03/2011 01:10

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 791

You deserved it 6 007

26/12/2009 06:10

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 2 988

27/11/2016 20:15

Today, I was traveling home with my four-year-old son. While we were standing in line at the security checkpoint, I hear the sound of water dripping and turned to find my son urinating on the floor. He'd read a sign that said we weren't allowed to take any liquids with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 305

You deserved it 1 033

28/06/2009 00:55

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 095

You deserved it 5 791

02/11/2014 21:38

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 076

You deserved it 27 488

16/12/2011 22:02

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 130

You deserved it 5 051

25/02/2012 21:38

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 000

You deserved it 2 382

07/12/2009 14:44

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 548

You deserved it 9 032

Slimed

By Hashtagfail - 04/08/2021 10:01

Today, I went outside to feed the hedgehogs who often visit my garden. It was late in the evening and dark outside. I was walking barefoot, when I suddenly stepped on something. It felt soft and splashed apart under my foot. I looked and realized that I had stepped on a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 279

15/06/2014 11:10

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 205

You deserved it 6 081

26/06/2009 05:31

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 146

You deserved it 65 634

Crockery story

By WasteOfOxygen08 - 23/06/2019 04:34

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 406

27/06/2013 16:58

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 3 361

16/10/2012 05:23

Spicy

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 798

You deserved it 66 787

09/07/2018 20:30

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 410

13/01/2010 06:11

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 4 052

18/01/2014 23:09

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 293

You deserved it 4 630

03/12/2018 16:00

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 132

You deserved it 527

01/01/2014 17:47

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 014

You deserved it 9 464

23/08/2009 05:10

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 494

You deserved it 3 853

22/06/2016 12:36

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 293

You deserved it 1 473

23/11/2016 16:58

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 436

You deserved it 1 007

28/01/2012 15:46

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 537

02/12/2011 17:06

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 060

You deserved it 4 137

01/03/2010 09:13

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 885

You deserved it 42 964

02/01/2016 15:57

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 726

You deserved it 1 904

20/02/2010 10:36

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 833

You deserved it 42 878

A good excuse

By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 01:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me because God said she couldn't have a boyfriend, started dating my friend... Who she always told me she didn't even like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 204

24/12/2013 17:19

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 017

You deserved it 4 026

25/12/2009 00:36

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 228

You deserved it 53 671

30/12/2010 21:37

Spicy

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 384

You deserved it 5 819

17/10/2013 05:51

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 921

You deserved it 28 794

08/12/2008 07:26

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 869

You deserved it 4 214

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:08

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 107

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 366

You deserved it 817

24/08/2015 04:25

Spicy

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 27 032

24/04/2012 11:50

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 135

You deserved it 2 264

26/10/2017 08:00

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 3 531

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Wow I would just not invite her if she was going to be such a bitch

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You should say, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

Comments

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

You should ask, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Wow I would just not invite her if she was going to be such a bitch

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:21

That's simple. Ask her if she is sleeping with your fiancé this time.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:04

what i dont get is whyy the fuck the sister would help pay all this money on the first wedding and then screw it up by fucking the groom?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:04

Til bitch do us part.

22cute 17

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:12

Somehow, I originally read 'mom' instead of 'sister'. That was... Different.

garrr 0

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Sunday 17 June 2012 7:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 9:14

2 - That plus the original poster should have said, "I'm really going marry him if you really don't fuck him." I'm blunt, therefore, I say it as I see it.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 9:34

I love how many thumb ups this has.

doctorhook86 24

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:53

OP: I'm in Alberta too. Hook me with your slutty sister and I'll make sure she stays outta trouble. ;)

ReesieBanana21 12

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:58

What a dickk!!!

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Monday 25 June 2012 7:30

Some family you got there.

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Friday 29 November 2013 2:45

Most likely because she probably afterwards was shocked at the OP not marrying him after she slept with him. To the OP tell her "No because your slutty ass ain't invited."

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:14

Why are you inviting her to your wedding?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:18

I will answer with a rhyme: Family is family and although they may suck, You must invite them to your wedding

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:34

^^ Sarcasm- you don't get it

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Sunday 17 June 2012 6:27

Why are you still talking to her? If that happened before I'd bet you would hate her more than anyone else

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Sunday 17 June 2012 7:58

I agree. Don't invite her. Problem solved.

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:26

Because she's paying for it, pretty lame that OP would take that jackasses money though.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

What a bitch, don't invite her to your marriage!

bmkc4 1

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:58

True. Well, at least she found out what a tool bag he was before she married him.

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:29

3 postings in a row talking about not inviting the sister.. we get it!

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Monday 18 June 2012 14:17

139: Do me a favor and look at what time the past 3 comments were posted. Then you'll realize how stupid your unnecessary comment was.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

Well that was mean of her.

SloppyFlamingo 4

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:19

Hey, your "tung" is blue.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:11

Really? You think so?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:23

Yeah I think so.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:49

Hey Gtroll what do those words in red on your photo say? "I hate when voldemort.....without asking" is what I got.

Almighty_Chris97 6

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:58

It's "I hate when Voldemort uses my shower gel without asking", because you know he has no hair. Pretty funny eh?

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:15

That's so fucked up its not even funny. Man my sister would never do that to me or vice versa. What a crappy sister you have and I think she needs to get her ass kicked. Tell mom on her!

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:28

^My money's on him being the ex fiancé

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:56

And that's probably OP's sister behind him.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 16:24

Is it awful that after reading this fml, I'm glad I don't have a sister which would make this kinda thing possible? I mean, I have 3 brothers and I just could not imagine a sibling doing this to me.

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Sunday 17 June 2012 20:52

Don't worry 122, it's not like this is typical or anything lol.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You shouldn't invite her to your wedding. She's clearly scum.

shadexilmaendu 4

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:27

I don't know if you've seen the my little pony parodies on YouTube (look up shed.mov) but I read all your comments in parody fluttershys voice.

cheetahbaby96 8

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Sunday 17 June 2012 4:09

She clearly likescum. Oh sorry, autocorrect.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 22:24

Hey hey hey, stay outta my shed!

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:16

You should say, "I don't know, do you plan on being a slut this time?"

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Sunday 17 June 2012 13:52

I want to thumb you up like a million times. Shame that I can't.

cwl727 32

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Saturday 3 May 2014 20:21

You already posted this comment.

Sunday 17 June 2012 2:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:19

I think the sister should be trying to get on OP's good side... not the other way around

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:20

Good point. Definitely read this wrong :S

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:20

...what's that supposed to mean!? Naw I'm kidding. You should pick a different food choice though.

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:21

15- no worries, happens to me all the time :)

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Sunday 17 June 2012 3:01

but it is true.....bitches love some watermelon[:

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 17 June 2012 5:43

..congrats. You're not a bitch :D

PrimeEvilTahir 23

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Sunday 17 June 2012 2:17

What she should be asking is if the new fiancé is good enough to sleep with... FYL OP for having a bitch of a sister...

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Sunday 17 June 2012 15:27

Your picture never fails to give me a heart attack. ?