Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
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Comments (124)
Enslaved 38
I can understand curse words but obnoxious? Who determines what is obnoxious ? It could be any and everything spoken.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
Even then, while it could be the "curse words in front of people who are uncomfortable with them" jar(Although, that would be a fairly silly jar name), whether or not you use curse words is still a personal choice, and is not something you should stop people from doing, as long as they are being respectful about it. In general, I think making people pay for saying things is unreasonable, even if what they say is douche-y.
XxskyelovexX 13
When I was little my parents had a jar for when ever they cursed, or I said "I don't know" "ummm" or "like" (I said those words often) and whenever my brother said something that was on his list of words. We had to pay a quarter each time. It payed our trip to Disney
Futacy 30
This reminds me of a previous FML about a woman who found out that her bf uses sex to get her to shut up. Find that guy and you'd be better off ;)
T9FTW 20
How exactly do those relate to one another?
crazytwinsmom 25
If he shuts her up, then she won't say obnoxious things to have to put money in the jar for.
WCARlover 35
I wonder who gets to judge whether what someone says is obnoxious or not
CuriousAlien 7
Lol. Probably the most obnoxious person in the group. Oh the irony!
Hockeyboy4280 18
That whole "takes one to know one" thing...
BloodandIce 11
Ok they totally have it in for you. I bet they made it with you in mind.
CuriousAlien 7
Well this "douchebag jar" might just teach you a lesson and make you realize that you should change your ways.
JustMery 9
THE NEW GIRL. I love that show. Your roommates are awesome. Good luck with that though, OP.
Sir_Swaggington 6
OP, your roommates started this because they can't stand you. I wonder what the money goes toward.
Racky_fml 14
Get a pen and paper and write down everything you have to say.
kobelstone23 13
But it's so fun to be a douchebag:) unless your an actual ass about it
laden_swallow09 35
Is it really so difficult to not even be a fake ass and not be an ass at all?
lilhellian 27
How is this a "YDI?" If she was saying stuff like "yolo" and "swag" it's understood, but really?
CharresBarkrey 16
Who says she wasn't saying that?