Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
keyyoutee 2
Haha, you're Shidmty!
twloha94 9
We got ourselves a Schmidt here! Really though, New Girl is a great show! Always wanted to have a douchebag jar in my house hahaha.
emluvslax2 2
It seems like your in a 'Schmidty' situation ;) new girl if you know what I mean
sheethapins 13
"I pity the fool who's so easily parted by money, sucka!"
JAMSM 6
I liked the part where OP is a douchebag
ktc24 3
Gotta love New Girl!!
HortonThelephant 15
Just how wealthy are you that you can afford to throw away almost $20 USD, every time you say something they determine to be 'douchy'. I think for posting this FML you owe me 10 pounds ****** sterling.
alfred07 18
I get the feeling that her room mates are just trying to scam money out of her.
06dopey 8
"Has anyone seen my good pea coat?" Any New Girl fan knows what I'm talking about
kittenzZz 4
Don't give her money.. If you do it you might as well be a douchebag. Yaknow?