Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML
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Top comments
wobbly1 16
How long has she had a drinking problem?
MDoremis 38
Who in their right mind does that?! Reading that made my own **** hurt. Geeze.
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Comments (125)
DocDrose 20
What a bust...
martin8337 36
I can't imagine how painful that must have been. I guess it'll feel better once it stops hurting:).
photographer49 22
#13 I bet alot of things feel better after they stop hurting.
xChaos 29
No shit
martin8337 36
Guess some folks don't know about sarcasm.
onlychildFTW 34
You can't claim sarcasm because of a bad post. We FMLers see right through that.
tbro47 23
It's like saying my phone was in the last place I looked.
oathkeeper99 31
Her nipple or the actual fleshy part of her boob? Nipple would make at least a little sense... Still stupid.
drayloon 50
Who the hell pierces the fleshy part of their boob?
awkwarddebater 12
Probably the same type of people that pierce their nipple with a random needle.
superwhovian 16
..
oathkeeper99 31
OP stated she was piercing her tit, not her nipple. And there are some pretty weird surface piercings out there, if she was that drunk it wouldn't surprise me that much if she had tried to pierce the fleshy part.
kewpiesuicide 29
If you can pinch it, you can pierce it
CheeseTacos 9
You know, out of all the things I would have guessed…
trellz17 19
I laughed so hard at this.
siggy_mcsigx 22
No ice...
flopstar 21
Roommate stories are always the best. But sorry op start playing your music loud so you don't have to hear that shit going on.
newzealand 28
You'd hope this was a once off occurrence. But OPs roommate does sound a few sandwiches short of a picnic
cj75 18
#36 OPs roommate sounds like she has no food at that picnic. she is a basket brain
Aspirax 13
And what's this have to do with you?
tasha_rom 4
As someone with pierced nipples, lemme just say, NOOOOOOO!!!!
taybear0 14
Right! I've of people piercing their own nipples, but had the proper instruments to do so. and im assuming OPs roommate used a normal needle that would be too small for actual nipple rings.
drayloon 50
At least she didn't try to pierce her other sensitive area....I hope?
Arwen_Evenstar 37
I know somebody who tried that. It made me certain she needed professional help of a different kind.