Health: Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise,...

By Tressa95 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

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Health

Out of it

Vulture

This Charming Man

By Riskreh - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

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By Rescheduled - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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By RyanTheMan15 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

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By Ihavethickthighs

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

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By noluckwhatsoever - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2020 08:08

This is America

Today, I found out a test I need to see if I need surgery on my gallbladder costs more than my pay check, even with insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

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By Ekh0es - 11/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Sensual moment

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

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By Tom - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

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By Scarlet

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

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By tm - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

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By FlipYoC - United States

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

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By heather - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

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By anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

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By TooTallNiCo - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By children ain't pawns - Australia - Perth

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

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By HoobidibooFox - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

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By NOOOOOO - United States

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

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By postop - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

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By roobb - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clearwater

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

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By all shat out - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

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By jostertoaster12 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

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By denae92

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

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By NeedsANewApartment - United States - Wurtsboro

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By NoPocketforme - 4/4/2021 00:30

Little shit

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

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By Anna - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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By hoolabaloo - India - Ahmadabad

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

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By ColdFoot - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

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By Anonymous

Worth a shot

Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML

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By Anonymous

How nice of them.

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

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By bad day Brutus - United States

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

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Top comments

By Madrias | 36

#7594143 - Friday 2 February 2018 22:58

Congratulations on surviving an encounter with a vampire!

By manb91uk | 22

#7604046 - Monday 26 February 2018 1:54

These Twilight fuckers are getting creative

COMMENTS

By Madrias | 36

#7594143 - Friday 2 February 2018 22:58

Congratulations on surviving an encounter with a vampire!

By muffledpotato | 17

#7604042 - Monday 26 February 2018 1:34

She might’ve been poor and couldn’t afford them. Or was lacking in preparedness

INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7604079 - Monday 26 February 2018 6:51

all reasonable possibilities... yet still disturbing

By manb91uk | 22

#7604046 - Monday 26 February 2018 1:54

These Twilight fuckers are getting creative

By RichardPencil | 30

#7604052 - Monday 26 February 2018 2:55

Were they hers?

Come to think of it, I don’t want to know. Carry on!

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7604056 - Monday 26 February 2018 3:21

At least she didn't say "this is just practice for when I wring the blood out of your skinny little neck"

By dexter420 | 21

#7604057 - Monday 26 February 2018 3:23

There is a blood shortage

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7604062 - Monday 26 February 2018 4:14

Makes sense to squeeze out the excess blood before trying to clean and reuse your tampon.

INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7604080 - Monday 26 February 2018 6:53

sir, I beg your pardon! they are not now nor have they ever been reusable.

Cinn_fml | 22

#7604345 - Monday 26 February 2018 18:17

Except that reusable sanitary products (including tampons) are a thing. https://clothpads.wordpress.com/

By _ali__cat_ | 14

#7604063 - Monday 26 February 2018 4:32

so uh.......you couldn't stick around long enough to ask why? I couldn't sleep at night without knowing and I won't.

Lobby_Bee | 17

#7604337 - Monday 26 February 2018 18:06

Lmao! I feel like you are me, but not me.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7604069 - Monday 26 February 2018 5:13

It's moments like these where you wish that the MiB neurolyzer was a real device.

By chosha_fml | 25

#7604077 - Monday 26 February 2018 6:02

Sadly, that might have been a result of homelessness.