Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
capthavoc123 0
That's really ******* creepy that you live with a girl you're in love with and aren't her boyfriend. Also, that you're her roommate and she apparently doesn't know enough about you to know that you hate cats. There's a lot of things wrong with this picture.
wienerwagon 0
What's creepy about that at all? You're acting like they share a one bedroom apartment. As long as he respects her boundaries it's fine for him to have a crush on his roommate. Also, knowing a lot about someone isn't a prerequisite to live with them. Half the time people just fill out a form and have a roommate assigned to them. Knowing someone moderately well is better than living with a complete stranger.
mrguy266 0
^^win
wes420eve6 0
you should say something to her cause if it ever worked out you'll hafta put up with cats for your entire relationship. cause when that cat dies she get another not to spite you but because she thinks your ok with it, because you have yet to state otherwise what a tard
rockstatic 0
Your roommate will definitely love and respect you if all you do is kiss her ass all the time. You need to start being honest with her. Speak your mind, and do it in a funny/positive way, and she actually will fall in love with you.
Maygen 5
YDI for hating cats. Cats are awesome. And you don't have a chance with your roommate if you hate cats and she likes them.
Seddah 3
That's hilariously retarded. So what if they don't agree on the single subject of cats? My boyfriend and I don't agree on that, but we still work out fine. We just don't have a cat. We don't have any pets and we won't get any pets until we can agree on what to get. It's not as dramatic as you seem to assume.
diablodeldragoon 6
cats suck they are generally worthless, and if u die that wonderful pet cat will eat you when the food dish runs dry, dogs don't do this they will normally lay down next to your body and die of starvation. i say leave the window open and hope it tries to fly ( throw the pussy outta the window)
nice18 0
Friend zone
Lisa89 3
Don't be a pussy
GlacierNerd 2
How can you hate cats?
mshafty 0
Because they suck big time. They're so worthless compared to a dog!
blastvortex 4
You can't be serious. It's not an FML if you willingly accept it. It is neither the woman's nor the kitten's fault that you're acting like a sponge.