Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
sugarbabyxoxo 2
be strait up with her dude.-
stevieb123 7
Yo u right In box me :)
torbey 23
straight*
warsun 27
Yeh som pepel doesent evan bofer
TomasT 0
If you don't like cats, that says a lot about you... Glad you are where you are...
MoonTiger 4
Exactly :)
greatnt249 0
Tell me...what does not liking cats "say" about a person?
wienerwagon 0
You're probably the kind of person who has little porcelain cat figurines all around your house.
purplehaze980 0
ydi for not telling her how u feel!!!
kamigato 0
Make it look like an accident.
Darkhumor 0
Either learn to love it or decide you don't really like your roommate THAT much, cos doormats aren't that attractive to (sensible) males!
presstik 0
OP if you ever read this, know that girls find someone with a backbone FAR more attractive than someone who bends to their every will, it takes all the fun out of dating someone (or even thinking about dating someone) who does everything you want.
kk2krazee 0
How are you pussy whipped over pussy that you're not getting, never got and might not get. Getting clawed too? LMFAO...YDI
underpaid011 0
the kitten seems to be smarter than you. keep hating the cat and it will get even - by crapping in your shoes.
purplemnm 9
make sure you can identify the warning signs that your cat wants to kill you just google it bitch I'm not a fml essay writer.
Babblez 0
I love how you're all just assuming she's walking all over him. If he hasn't said anything, she can't possibly know he doesn't like the damn thing. I'm sure if he said something she'd make other arrangements. And how do you know its HIS place, and not hers, their roommates, they probably have equal share of the appartment, therefore equal say over what pets they bring home. Besides, most people that have a blind hatred for cats will grow to love one that lives with them. YDI for hating cats when you're clearly a pussy yourself, just tell her how you feel or grow to love the cat as much as you love her, its your choice, clearly not an fml situation.
lettertjes 0
But with pets and roommates you can't compromise. You can't say: oh i want two cats but you want none so we'll just get one cat. Either you all want a pet and then you get one, or at least one of you does not want a pet and then you get none.
OMGoriginality 0
#36 I hope your next roomate brings home an Alligator and sais "oh well I pay for half the place so I get to bring home whatever pet I want". BTW Cats suck...cuz u cant catch em all. And if you do, you probably smell.
krladygator3 7
I thought it was a girl since she said crotch... guys have crotch too?